A TarHeel in Richmond

I try so hard to believe this....

2009-07-08T08:31:00.003-04:00

"Life ain't always beautiful...

2009-07-03T16:21:00.008-04:00

...but it's a beautiful ride." So says Gary Allen. And I happen to agree with him. Today, anyway :)

It's been a long time, but I went running today. (I did about 3.5 miles - an average run - and it nearly killed me. Here's some advice - if you exercise regularly, and you should ;), don't stop for a couple of weeks. It's amazing how quickly you lose everything you've gained) While I ran, I listened to my iPod - of course - and did some deep thinking about my life. Here are some of my thoughts:

- They say that God never gives us more than he can handle. Clearly God knows that battling depression and being fat and single are all that I can handle. (He's right, by the way - those things have broken me more than once) Because he has given me so many good things - an amazing family, a career that I enjoy, and more good friends than any one person deserves. Building 429 has a song where they say "I believe always, always our Savior never fails" that I was listening to while I ran. And I believe that, too. Here's the thing about me - I make a lot of bad choices. And I tell God about them. But so often I don't want to ask him to help me stop. I'm perfectly happy making bad choices. So I just tell him - "Hey, God. Here's what I'm doing. And I'm happy about it. So deal with it." It's probably not the best thing to do, but I figure at least I'm talking to him. Not keeping him out of my life. And I figure he is big enough to deal with it.

- I asked my doctor to put me back on Lexapro, an antidepressant. He gave me 4 weeks worth of samples, and I just started the 4th week. I think it's really helping. I think I need to go to counseling as well, and I'm working on getting there.

- Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my surgery. Hard to believe. I can't even begin to list the ways that my life is different than it was last year (although I probably will soon), or to adequately express my appreciation for the support from everyone in my life. I have never had one person say something negative or unsupportive to me. Not one. That is a truly amazing gift. I celebrated by doing something I couldn't have done a year ago - going to King's Dominion and riding roller coasters. I also went to support group, went over to the Masinick's for dinner and cards with the Palmers, then went to karaoke with the WEPC crew, followed by a late-night meal at Waffle House. Altogether a completely amazing day.

- As I told them at support group last night, it's been an up and down year for me with 9 months of hard work and 3 months of complete failure. I'm still working on not grazing and getting my eating back under control. Slowly, slowly, one day at a time....

My family took an awesome trip to Orlando last week to visit my brother and got to go to Sea World and Aquatica (Sea World's water park) while we were there. I love them! Here are some pictures:

The whole family!

We helped William move. Abby cleaned and Brian moved boxes...

Sea World!

Shamu

Abby LOVED the dolphins

Bruce thought it would be funny if I pretended to be too short to ride the roller coaster

The two cutest kids at Sea World eating lunch

Sisters posing with Shamu :)

Abby had fun at Aquatica, too!

Back at the hotel, Abby wanted to go swimming every day

The luckiest and happiest aunt and uncle in the world!

The Nash siblings!

Abby in Orlando

2009-06-30T15:05:00.003-04:00

Sweet 3rd graders!

2009-06-06T00:50:00.001-04:00

You remember the 3rd grader who told me not to try and say I was cool?

Today she said, "Can I borrow a picture of you for the summer?"

Totally redeemed herself ;)

P.S. - The kid from Thursday's post during testing? He took FIVE HOURS. :)

Right now.

2009-06-04T11:12:00.003-04:00

Just in case you ever wondered what I was doing on June 4, 2009 at 11:12 a.m., here's the answer.

I'm bored.

Beyond bored.

So bored that I french braided my hair. (When was the last time I french braided my hair because I was bored? 8th grade?)

It's the 13th school day that I've spent helping with testing, and I am 2 1/2 hours in to what is on pace to be a 3 1/2 hour testing session. I just have to sit here - completely silently, without even any music - while this child finishes his test. The other 3 kids in my group finished about an hour and 45 minutes ago.

This poor child - I do feel for him. This is a lot of stress to put on a small child. But I might start nibbling on m fingers soon just for fun. I am working on progress reports for my kids, but a girl can only stare at the computer for so long. This is why I became a teacher and not some kind of office job!

3rd graders keeping it real

2009-06-02T21:31:00.002-04:00

This morning I'm in the hallway, standing guard like I do, and this conversation happens:

Third grader: "Can I stand here with you?" (Kids always ask me this. They're just trying to get out of class)
Me: "Why? Because you think Ms. Nash is so cool?" (I said cool in a really awesome, cool way)
Third grader: Looks at me with a look of disbelief "Um, don't say that again."
Passing fourth grader: "Ms. Nash, If you're going to act like that, you really need to keep a low profile"

Guess I'm not as cool as I thought I was....

I can't believe it....

2009-06-01T20:10:00.002-04:00

I had a stunning revelation tonight.

I like to exercise.

I do. I've missed running last week. I went to Body Pump and Zumba tonight. (I've posted about Zumba twice before - once pre-op and once post-op. I'm sure I've posted about Body Pump, too. But tonight it's about the Zumba) Zumba was so much fun! And I realized how much better I am at it now. I mean, I was jumping and bouncing while dancing. I distinctly remember doing it before and barely being able to make it through - seeing other people jumping and wondering why they weren't dead. Now I know. They're just not enormously fat like I was :)

It made me happy.

Read this.

2009-05-27T18:31:00.001-04:00

It's good.

Conquering Old Rag

2009-05-26T19:30:00.007-04:00

Some friends from church wanted to go hiking for Memorial Day, so I decided to go with them. I haven't hiked since I lost the weight (I had a disastrous fat hiking experience with my family several years back....), but I figured I could handle it. Then I found out they were hiking Old Rag. I looked it up and it was described as "strenuous" and "very challenging" including a "one mile rock scramble"

*gulp*

I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to keep up, but I was determined to try so I went on.

It. Was. Awesome.

So fun. The first two miles headed steeply up a narrow mountain path. Well before the first mile was over I looked like someone at poured a bucket of water in my head. (I sweat a disgustingly large amount. I need to look into that at some point) The side of my foot was hurting and I could feel blisters developing, but I was keeping up. (It was the same pain I got one other time. I've decided that I must walk differently in shorts and that's what causes it) At our first rest, I put some band aids on my heels and we started up again. The toe stopped hurting, but the blisters got worse throughout the trip. Oh, well.

After those two miles, the last mile up was basically rock climbing. Huge piles of boulders that we had to climb up, slide down, squeeze through, jump over, and basically meander our way through. It was tough but really fun. It helped being with a group because we could help each other through. We stopped frequently to admire the view. When we finally got to the top, it was amazing. We hung out for a while, ate some lunch, battled some flies, and headed back down. The way back down was longer - 4.5 miles - but not nearly as interesting. Most of it was a fire road, so it was an easy walk. We booked it back down, playing the name game to keep ourselves entertained.

All in all, we were hiking for about 5.5 hours. We were disgustingly dirty and sweaty and exhausted. I had a MAJOR blister on my right heel and fairly significant one on my left. We left and collapsed into an IHOP where we devoured dinner.

At one point on the way up, one of my friends asked, "Could you have done this a year ago?" and my answer was a quick "HELL no!" But it's not even no. It was so far out of the realm of possibility that it wouldn't even have been fathomable. I mean, this was a HARD hike. And not just the hike, but the rock climbing....there were places I had to squeeze through that I wouldn't have even fit last year.

So I'm flying high off of this and will be for a while. The fun you can have when you're not fat! Who knew?

Church today

2009-05-24T13:43:00.002-04:00

One of the things I love about my church is that we sing a lot of praise and worship songs. (The singing is always my favorite part of any church service!) We have a "worship team" (read: band) that leads us and the words are projected up on two big screens at the front of the church. It's all very modern ;), but I love the music. Today, however, we sang two more traditional hymns. The first one's lyrics really spoke to me:

'Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
And to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
And in simple faith to plunge me
’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

Trusting in Jesus is something I need to do a LOT more of in my life.

The second one was "Crown Him With Many Crowns " which I remember singing in church growing up. The band didn't play much - there was just a piano. (Ok, it was a keyboard on the piano setting, but it sounded like a piano) I could have been in my grandparent's tiny little church in McDowell where there are usually between 10-30 people on Sunday morning or my parent's bigger, yet still very traditional church. I loved the song and singing it made me feel connected to other Christians everywhere. It reminded me that no matter how we choose to worship, we all love and are loved by the same God. I need to remember that more often.

Getting knocked down a peg....or two

2009-05-18T22:51:00.003-04:00

So......
You know how I told you Dr. Elliot wanted me to come and speak at his seminar? And I made my little picture book and put my contact information and blog address in it in case people wanted to talk to me? Because, really. How could anyone even CONSIDER wls without hearing my story? Aren't people as eager to hear my story as I am to tell it?

I got a message Friday telling me that Dr. E. wanted me to come speak on Monday at 6. So I left a message at the office telling them that was fine and I would just go to the classroom at 6 on Monday. If they needed to talk to me about it, I left my cell #. I didn't hear from them, so I went on. Turns out the class was at 5 and they just wanted someone to speak at the end - which actually I appreciate because I didn't need to sit through that whole seminar. So I slipped in and listened to the end of Dr. Elliot's spiel. Then he said that he would answer a few questions and then have one of his "star patients" come up to answer questions (CLUE #1). So after a few minutes, he puts up a picture of some woman I don't know (CLUE #2) and asks "Sandra" to come up (CLUE #3). Still, I think he means me and I'm about to correct him and tell him my name is actually Sarah....when some other chick walks up there.

So yeah. They didn't want me after all. (Although I would like to point out that I've lost more weight than this chick. Not that it's a competition. Or that she had as much to lose as me.) This girl gave all the right answers to Dr. E's questions, whereas mine would not have been so "right". (For instance, he asked "Do you get hungry?" and she said, "No" Ummmm, really? You never get hungry? In over a year? Well, I do.) So it's probably best that she went and not me. I tend to say the wrong things. I'm not sure that Dr. Elliot even knew who I was or that I was there to tell you the truth.

That's what happens when you start thinking you're important. God shows you otherwise. I was pretty upset and embarrassed - more than the situation warranted. Because I was way too full of pride. Thanks, God. I guess.

P.S. - I ran 5.5 miles today. I haven't run that far in a long time and I am SORE!!!

Welcome to Fair Oaks!

2009-05-18T07:40:00.002-04:00

I just had this conversation with a 5th grader.
A FIFTH GRADER.

C: "Where you was?"
Me: "Let's try that question again."
"Oh, sorry. Where you were?"
"No, honey. Try again."
"Oh. Where was you?"
"Still not it sweetie"
"Oh. Where you went?"
"Let's try Where were you?"
"Oh, ok. Where were you?"

I love my job....

My journey in pictures

2009-05-17T18:13:00.007-04:00

Dr. Elliot, my surgeon, has informational seminars for patients who are thinking about having WLS. It's a fairly standard practice, and that's what anyone who is interested in having it has to do as a first step. We recently got an email from the guy who leads our support group saying that they were looking for post-op patients who would be willing to come and speak at the seminars just to share their story. I told them that I would be happy to (because you know how much I like to talk about my surgery!). I didn't think they would really ask me, though, because 1. I say everything I think and it's not always the "right thing" and 2. I had gastric bypass and most of Dr. E's patients have Lap-Band. Well, I got a call on Friday asking me to come speak at the seminar on Monday. I'm a little nervous about it. Anyway, that leads me to...

I've been taking pictures of my weight loss all along and saving them on the computer. I kept meaning to put them together in an album but hadn't gotten around to it. So this was my motivation to get it done. That was today's project, and it was fun. I put my pictures in an album with little notes saying the date and how much weight I'd loss. Now, for those of you who don't see me regularly, here is the digital version:

August 3, 2007
1 year pre-op

March 28, 2008
294 lbs.
My "before" picture

July 1, 2008
Day before surgery
-27 lbs.

August 12, 2008
-59 lbs.

Sept. 2, 2008
-71 lbs.

Oct. 9, 2008
-89 lbs.

Nov. 2008
Celebrating 100 lbs. lost!

Nov. 15, 2008
-104 lbs.

Dec. 27, 2008
-110 lbs.

Jan. 7, 2009
-121 lbs.

Jan. 31, 2009
Costume party!
(not something I would have done pre-op!)

March 5, 2009
-134 lbs.

March 28, 2009
My first race!
10k (6.2 miles) in 70 minutes

Current pic. - early May 2009
-140 lbs.

Thanks for indulging me!

Bad Orange Juice!

2009-05-11T07:55:00.002-04:00

So orange juice is not something I'm really supposed to have - my dr. doesn't like me drinking anything with calories and it has a good amount of sugar, although it's natural sugars which are a little different. But my nut has said that I can have a little every now and then - in fact it's one of the things she suggested I have after a run. She did suggest that I dilute it and I do sometimes.

But this morning - I woke up (still in Charleston!) and I was thirsty and I just did NOT want Kool Aid. So I had a little bit of OJ. Oh. My. Goodness. I haven't "dumped" in a long time, but I sure did this morning. Let me tell you - it's no fun. Sweating, chills....I've been trying to think of a way to describe how my stomach feels. Angry beavers clawing and chewing at it? Elephants stomping on it? A bulldozer tearing it up and leveling it back down? *ugh* I actually don't "dump" that much. I think my stomach is just really sensitive first thing in the morning. I need to remember that.

I broke in my new bathing suit by taking Abby to the beach this weekend. Interestingly, I didn't feel any better or more confident than I did when I was fat. I mean - it was fine. Just not different. I will not be showing you a picture of me in the suit ;) - but here is the suit:

(It has a blue skirt that matches it, but I couldn't get that picture to work. Just picture a blue skirt)

Ok, off to play with sweet Abby!

Sweet baby Brian!

2009-05-08T10:19:00.003-04:00

So Brian had his surgery yesterday - the day before he turned 8 months old, he had open heart surgery to repair a VSD, or hole in his heart. It's been a stressful week, with another stressful week of him in the hospital ahead of us, but God has been soooo good and he is doing really really well! For pictures and updates, you can check my sister's blog.

I'm headed down to Charleston tomorrow to spend next week there - being with Brian and staying with Abby. Although I'm not looking forward to seeing that precious child in the hospital, I am looking forward to the time with my family. And I'll be glad to be there - it made more sense for my mom to take this week and me to take next week to be down there, but it was very hard for me to not be there the day of the actual surgery. We expect him to come home mid-week next week and be back to normal as soon as he is released!

Today

2009-05-05T20:45:00.002-04:00

What a loooooong day. This waiting for Brian's surgery is hard.

So my landlords royally ticked me off today. Royally. I was as rude to them as I have ever been (intentionally) to anyone. Anyway. It's been pouring down rain for ages and ages and ages. I was so frustrated that I went running. In the rain. For 4 miles. It helped somewhat.

Then I realized - wow. I didn't want to nap. I didn't want to eat. I wanted to run. When did that happen? When did I become one of "those" people? I never ever ever in a million years thought that I would. I love sleeping - and eating - too much. But it was the right thing for me today. Although I'm not sure that it would have been as satisfying if it had been sunny.

I also went bathing suit shopping today - *blech* That's never fun. Even after losing 140 pounds. It was actually harder, I think. Before there was no expectation of looking good. It was "find one that fits and covers a lot and just go with it" But now....there's still a lot to cover and I'm not "looking good". It's just hard. But I got one that I ordered from Land's End that I think I'll keep and I'll keep looking for a second one. I love love love to swim, so I'm not going to let the fact that I look ridiculous in a bathing suit stop me :)

I also bought a cute little summer halter dress - at Express, no less. We'll see if it makes it to the "keep" pile. I'm loving summer dresses right now!

National Champions!!!!!

2009-05-04T20:40:00.003-04:00

I can't believe I haven't mentioned this yet -

UNC won the NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!

WOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!

There are no words to convey my excitement :) It was a great, great, great season. I'm going to miss Hansbrough, Lawson, Ellington, Green, et. al. but I know we'll continue to be great. I had so much fun watching them this year. I held off on ordering any new UNC gear until I could order National Championship stuff and it paid off! I have two shirts (size medium ;) ) that proudly declare UNC the 2009 National Champions!

I even got Abby in on the excitement...

GO HEELS!!!!!

My sweet babies!

2009-05-01T18:30:00.007-04:00

I spent my Spring Break ....guess. I bet you can't. In Charleston! My babies are beyond cute, just so you know. Here are some pics from my trip:

I had a great time. Abby is just talking all the time. You never know what's going to come out of that child's mouth. My sister said the other day, while she thought Abby had been playing quietly, Abby walked over and informed her that she was a "beautiful angel" and that she "drank Mommy's Diet Coke very carefully". She had Diet Coke all down her front at this point :) While I was down there, I was on the computer (frequently - I'm a facebook addict) and she climbed up in my lap and said "I want to look at Facebook" Um, I may spend too much time there. Another time I was on the computer and she said "I'm a big girl" I didn't respond, so she said "I said, I'm a big girl, Sarah!" Oops. Sorry, Abs. Yes, you are, in fact, a big girl. :) My mom was playing trains with her in Lynchburg and she got up to get something so Abby said "Bebe, please sit down". That girl knows what she wants!

Brian got his third haircut this week. That child has UNBELIEVABLE hair. He is scheduled to have surgery to repair the hole in his sweet little heart next Thursday, May 7, so that's something I've been praying about frequently. The week after that, while he's still in the hospital, I took the whole week off to go down there to be with him and help with Abby. My mom is going down the week of surgery. He and Abby are so cute together - they love each other so much!

Yes, I realize that these are not my children. Still. I love them so much!

Where have I been?

2009-05-01T18:30:00.001-04:00

Ok, I know. It's been a long time. There's been a lot going on. I haven't really talked about it very much, but I think it's time for me to go ahead and at least write about it. I feel a little weird - ok, more than a little weird, I'm petrified - about putting all of this out there, but I'm doing it for two reasons - one is for me, to help me process and to help me have a record of my journey. The second is for anyone else out there who is considering or has had the surgery - I want to be honest with you about my experiences. Not to say that everyone's experience is the same. But if you're interested in my story, I want you to hear it all - the good and the bad. So here comes a big 'ole batch of honesty. Probably more than you ever wanted.

I know - have always known - that this surgery is not a magic cure for anything. It's not a quick fix, and it doesn't make you into a different person. But knowing that in my head and really believing it are two different things. I've struggled with depression for a long time - I've been on and off medication; in and out of counseling. I've never really wanted to deal with it, so I've dealt with it as little as possible. Truly I thought that it was just because I was fat. (When the really fat guy in Austin Powers says "I eat because I'm unhappy. And I'm unhappy because I eat." I always tear up even though it's Austin Powers. Because that's how I felt.)

So when it came back about two months ago, it knocked me flat on my back.

And come back it did. It felt like an actual, literal, weight pressing down on me at all times. It makes normal life extremely difficult. Without really being able to explain it, I just have a hard time making it through each day. It's hard for me to work up the motivation or the energy to get things done and bouts of sadness will hit me out of nowhere so I just want to find a corner to curl up and cry. (Interestingly enough - and I use the word "interesting" very loosely here - I rarely actually do cry. Or if I do, for more than a minute. I used to cry a lot. I think I used up all of my tears) But because I am my mother's daughter through and through, I fake a smile and force myself to interact with people and be social.

Some other thoughts that are frequently in my head right now:

- I feel nothing but fat. Fat, fat, fat. In my head, I know that's ridiculous. That after losing 140 pounds, I should be absolutely thrilled to be able to go shopping and pick up a pair of size 12 pants. 6 months ago I would have told you that I would be. A year ago, when I was barely squeezing into my size 24s, I would not have even imagined that it was possible. But now - all I see is the smaller sizes on the racks. I still have a lot of fat and loose skin all over me and I hate it. Even in pictures, I still look like the fat girl. I have rolls of belly fat, enormous calves, and saggy arms. It's not a pretty picture.

- Still no one wants to date me. No one has so much as asked me out to dinner. Which is forcing me to confront the idea that it wasn't the fat that made me undate-able - it was just me.

- My eating habits are seriously slipping. I find myself eating more and more throughout the day and I hate myself for it. It's the same pattern I was in before surgery - I'm not hungry, I don't want it, I know I'll be upset if I eat it, but I can't seem to stop myself.

Now here's the thing. This feels like one big pity party for Sarah and, in many ways, it is. But it also feels like I'm just digging for compliments and I truly am not. (They don't really make me feel better anyway because it feels like people are saying it b/c they have to in response to my whining) It also feels like I have no right to say/feel this way because of how blessed I have been to have gone through this surgery.

I don't know for sure if these are typical post-WLS feelings or not, but I feel like they probably are. I did start seeing a counselor, but I haven't been back in a while. I'm working up the courage to go back. I'm spending a lot of time praying, which to be honest, involves a lot of me yelling at God. But he's big enough to handle it. I've considered going back on medication, and that may end up being a good choice for me. It's very hard for me to want to even deal with this, but I'm fighting.

So, there it is - honest, sappy confessions by Sarah. Now that I've put that out there, I hope to get back to more regular blogging. There's a lot going on out there in the world just waiting for me to comment on it. :)

I did it! :)

2009-03-31T20:59:00.003-04:00

So I did it. I finished the Monument Ave. 10k! I finished it and I ran the whole time, which were my two big goals. My secret goal was to finish in under 70 minutes - I finished in 70 min exactly. So 1 second faster.....But that's ok. I finished 14,527 out of 26,242 finishers. I was surprised at how hard it was, but I'm glad I did it. I'm actually doing another one this Saturday - the bridge run in Charleston. I'll be down there for Spring Break anyway and my brother-in-law was doing it, so I said I'd do it with him. I figure if I run 10ks 2 weekends in a row I can then justify taking my spring break week off from running :) I'm not sure what I'll do after that...still thinking about it.

The Monument Ave. 10k also has a costume contest and my friends won it! I was so excited for them! Their Ms. Pac-Man costume was awesome.

2.5 days to go until Spring Break....I can't wait....

P.S. Yes, I realize it has been almost a month since I posted. I apologize. I'll just say that this whole WLS journey has been like a roller coaster - up, down, up, down. This has been a down time. I will post about it at some point - you know how I believe in putting it all out there for others to see :) - but I'm just not quite ready to do that yet. So I've been avoiding it.

WLS FAQ/C

2009-03-03T16:25:00.002-05:00

Before I start in on yet another fascinating post, I have two tidbits to share:

It has been a year since I started this blog! Crazy.
I have found a use for my rolls of stomach fat. When I'm at the gym using the weight machines, I like to listen to my iPod. It's hard finding a place to put it while I'm working, and it falls off of my lap pretty easily. So I tuck it up under my stomach fat and it stays put. Nice.

I thought I would post a WLS FAQ /C (Frequently Asked Questions/Comments, for those of you not "in the know) to share with everyone the things that people say to me most often since my surgery as well as my response. I don't mind answering the questions at all - you know how much I talk about my surgery! Still, here it is for those of you who want to know - what people say, my thoughts, and if you should say it to someone who has had WLS:

You look great!

My reaction/thoughts - This is, by far, the comment I get the most. (Yes, I realize how snotty I sound saying that. I apologize, but I wanted to share my reaction to it) Mostly, I just smile and say "Thanks". I don't volunteer up information about my surgery or how much I've lost. Some people will ask, and I'm happy to share. I just don't want people to have to sit and listen to me talk about it if they don't want to know. I have two opposite reactions to this, so it's like a Catch-22. Mostly I'm flattered and I think that it's always nice to hear that. But sometimes I get to thinking, "You don't go around telling people who have always been skinny that they look great. Maybe the fact that you're commenting on it now is more of a reflection on how bad I looked before." But at the same time, if people didn't say anything, I think I would be sad, too. So basically there's no making me happy.

Should you say it? Heck yeah you should.

How do you feel?/Do you feel better?/Do you have more energy?

My reaction/thoughts - This question comes in a lot of forms, as you can see. Physically, I actually feel much the same as I did before surgery, except when it comes to exercise. I can tell a huge difference in how much I'm able to exercise. (Hello?!?! I ran 6.5 miles the other day!) Emotionally is a whole different story, but I don't think that's the point of this question. Usually I just respond with "I feel good" although sometimes I will mention the exercise thing.

Should you say it? Sure, if you really want to know more about the person's WLS experience. It's likely to bring on a whole lot of info.

Do people treat you differently?

My reaction/thoughts - Yes and no. This is a tough one for me. Yes, people definitely treat me differently. But I'm so different that it's hard to say if the change is really in me or in the way people react to me. I was relatively outgoing before, but now I feel so much more confident. Before, I would talk to people but always felt like they didn't really want to be talking to me. I was trying to get out of their way so they could hang out with people they really wanted to talk to. Now, I am much more willing to just carry on a conversation or put myself out there - meet up with new people or whatever. Does that make any sense at all?

Should you say it? Well, it doesn't offend me (but not much does). Some people are baffled by the question, although it makes a lot of sense to me. I guess I would say - if you really want to know, go ahead. Or if it's someone who has been pretty open about their experiences. It's not something I would ask someone who doesn't like to talk about, because it can be a pretty sensitive area.

How much have you lost?

My reaction/thoughts - To date, 133 pounds. I have about 25 pounds to go before I'm considered a "normal" weight. I recently hit the "overweight" category, which was exciting for me. (I went from "super obese" to "morbidly obese" to "obese" and now to "overweight") I don't give all that info when people ask - I just give the number :) I love it when people ask me this question b/c I love to tell people but feel weird about just volunteering the information. I can understand how some people would feel weird about asking it, though.

Should you ask it? I would say yes. Most WLS patients I've met are happy to share their successes. However, again, a few may be uncomfortable with it. But I would bet most are prepared for it and if they don't want to answer have something ready like "Just about enough for now". So go ahead. Ask away.

I feel so bad for you not getting to eat!

My reaction/thoughts - Another one that comes in many interesting variations. My reaction is always the same - "Don't!" It's hard to explain, but eating is very different post-op. I'm perfectly happy with what I get to eat. It seems normal to me. I don't feel bad for me, so why should you?

Should you say it? Nah. Why bother? It doesn't bother me, unless people keep harping on it. (Although the girls at lunch tease me about my little meals a lot, but that's all in fun and doesn't bother me at all) But not everyone has as thick a skin as I do :)

What made you decide to do this?

My reaction/thoughts - Well, because I was fat. I looked into it and researched it for a long time before I even considered doing it. I don't have a big "epiphany" story. I never quite know how to answer this one.

Should you ask it? If you are considering having the surgery and don't know if you're ready, maybe. If not, probably not. The answer is going to be "to get healthy" even if it's really "to help me meet boys", know what I mean?

My sister/neighbor/friend/this guy I went to high school with's third cousin had that!.......

My reaction/thoughts - Ok. Thanks. I usually say, "How are they doing?" but I hate it because I always feel like I'm being compared to whoever it is and they're doing better than me. Or they'll bust out some story about all the complications that person had and I either feel guilty for not having any or worried. Still - it's very well intentioned. People are just trying to relate to you. Which is hard for people without weight problems.

Should you say it? Welllll.... I mean, are you just trying to fill a conversational vacuum here? I tend to think that comparing people's experiences is a bad idea. On the other hand, it's not offensive or anything. And it's hard not to say. :)

I know this has been a long one. A couple of last thoughts for you:

I personally do not care when anyone says any of these things to me. You can ask me whatever you want and I will be fine with it. But I have a big mouth. Not everyone feels that way, I'm sure :)
There are people who get a lot of negative comments. I am so blessed to have great people in my life - I've never gotten a negative comment. Never. The closest I've gotten was "that's scary" or "are you nervous?" That's why there are no negative comments on my list. But if there were beside Should you say it? I would put NO. Because how is that helpful or encouraging, especially to someone who's already done it?

Ok I'm off to enjoy the rest of my snow day - my 2nd in a row, with a 3rd coming up tomorrow! Have fun y'all!

Envy

2009-03-01T14:11:00.003-05:00

We had a great sermon this morning. Pastor Shelby is doing a series matching the 7 deadly sins with the beautitudes. (I know, interesting huh?) Today's sermon must have been written just for me because it focused on one of my biggest problems - envy.

Steve talked about how deadly envy can be, separating us from God and other people. He went on to talk about how the proper response to envy is not to try not to envy, but to mourn (the beautitude for the day). I'm still trying to understand exactly what he meant, but I think it goes something like this - we will be dissatisfied when we see other people with things that we want. So instead of being envious and angry, the proper response is to be sad and mourn what we do not have. Because "blessed are they who mourn for they will be comforted" (Matthew 5:4).

I struggled a lot with this - isn't being sad about what someone else has and you don't the same thing as envy? The best I've come up with so far are two distinctions - envy is angry, while mourning is sad; and envy is focused outwardly on the other person and mourning is focused inwardly on yourself. (These came from me, not Steve)

Anyway, it's something for me to think about. And work on.

Another thing I was convicted of today at church (good service today :) ) - how much more I want to look and act like a Christian than I want to actually be a Christian. My heart is so hard! So I spent a lot of time praying for God to soften my heart and open me up to truly loving him and others. Our corporate confession of sin described me so well:

O Lord, my every sense and affection, is a snare to me.
I can scarce open my eyes but I envy those above me,
or despise those below.
I covet the honor and riches of the mighty,
and am proud and unmerciful to the rags of others.
if I behold beauty it is a bait to lusy,
or see poverty, it stirs up loathing and disdain;
My heart is full of slander and vanity!

Am I successful? What a fuel for pride!
Am I in need? What an occasion for fear!
Am I gifted? See how I run after applause.
Am I weak? See how I despise what I do not have.
Am I in authority? I am prone to serve my own interests.
Am I lacking? I begrudge the blessing of God
in the lives of others.
You know that all these are pitfalls for my soul,
and that my greatest snare is myself.

I continue to be grateful for God who has enough grace to keep forgiving me over and over and over and over.... :)

Today in 3rd grade

2009-02-25T22:31:00.003-05:00

We were discussing the upcoming St. Patrick's Day holiday...

Me: "So what kind of creatures come out on St. Patrick's Day?"
3rd grader: "Groundhogs!"
I correct this and we move on...
Me: "What country do leprechauns come from?"
Different 3rd grader: "Cleveland!"

I guess we have some things still to work on.

Ready for a break

2009-02-23T18:29:00.003-05:00

Hello. Am alive.

(I just read a book narrated by 4 characters with 4 different voices. One spoke like that - with no subjects in her sentences. It was weird. Also, eventually the 4 characters interacted and when she was narrating, they all spoke like that. But when someone else was narrating, they spoke normally. Not sure what this literary technique is called. Also not sure I like it.)

February has been a crazy busy month for me. The last week has arrived with blessedly little to do on the calendar, and I'm really looking forward to a low key week/weekend. I like being busy and have enjoyed most of the business of the past month or so. And I won't be upset if things come up this week. But still. Some down time is always nice.

I keep thinking that I need to be posting - I really want to have a record of my whole WLS journey. I just don't think that I really have anything to say. Things are just moving along.... I'm down about 130 pounds currently. I did buy a pair of size 12 jeans at Wal Mart the other day. They are probably the only pair of size 12s in the world that fit me, but still...there's one. I'm torn between being excited about this and desperate to hit a single digit size. Crazy, I know. I don't know which is more amazing - the fact that I ran 5 miles today or the fact that I no longer find that blogworthy.

Bad eating habits are starting to creep back in - grazing, "needing" something sweet because I'm so grumpy, etc. Not as bad as they were before, but they are things that I need to address NOW. It's hard for me because even with that, the weight is still coming off. It's hard to remember that won't always be the case. So that's my current struggle.

I promise I'll work on thinking of something interesting to say before I post again....

Happy Valentine's Day!

2009-02-13T16:49:00.004-05:00

A few of my kids brought me Valentine's treats today, which was sweet. This one made me smile all day:

I've never really been pro or anti Valentine's. Sad, usually, that I'm alone, but altogether rather ambivalent on the topic. While we're on the subject, I should tell you that after 30 years of no one ever wanting to date me - and me not being willing to even if they had wanted to b/c I was so embarrassed by my weight - I am completely clueless when it comes to anything to do with dating. Anything at all. It's sad. I'm basically a 31 year old middle school girl.

Not that anyone is asking me out. I'm just saying. ;)

The beautiful weather has continued, I've run my 4 miles for the day, I have a party to go to tonight (an "Anti-Valentines" party no less), and Kay is bringing the kids to Lynchburg tomorrow. I'm a pretty happy girl right now!

6 month "nut" follow up

2009-02-12T23:04:00.002-05:00

I'm supposed to meet with Pam, my nutritionist - or nut as refer to them in WLS-land - at the same intervals I follow up with Dr. Elliot. That is 1, 3, 6, 9, and 12 months or something like that. So my 6 month appointment came at 7 months and a week...that's close right? And isn't there something about close counting when it comes to horshoes and hand grenades? Julie?

Anyway. The point is - I met with Pam. One thing I wanted to talk to her about was how to eat while I'm in training. (Let me point out here that I LOVE to say that I'm "in training" and bring up being in training and/or running as frequently as possible. Much more often than I actually "train".) I've read a lot about eating just before and after runs and wasn't sure how that applied to me as a post-op. Well, as it turns out, she gave me pretty much exactly the same advice as I had heard other places: carbs before, carbs and protein afterwards. We talked about some good choices for me to make at those times. I also admitted to her (as I am here, to you, now) that I have gotten into a bad habit of grazing and I'm worried about that. Pam whipped out her little calculator and figured out that I'm burning about 2,000 extra calories a week with my running. (Can I just stop here and say WOW?!?!) So she said, "You're probably hungry" Hmmmm.... who would've thought???

So that was mostly what we talked about. She was pleased overall with my progress.

Have I mentioned that I broke my scale? Yes, 125 pounds ago I stood on that thing no problem. NOW it decides to crack on me??? So I don't actually know if I've lost any more weight. I feel like I have, though, because my clothes are getting looser. Getting a new scale is on my list...

It's definitely off to bed for me tonight!

God is so good to me!

2009-02-11T17:11:00.002-05:00

God just knocks me on the head sometimes with how much he loves me. Today he wanted me to know it for sure.

It was one of those days where I started out grumpy last night and hadn't managed to shake it yet. I was seriously on the very, very edge of completely losing it and curling up into a ball somewhere. (You know how you have those days? I have them fairly regularly. I'm not what you would refer to as "emotionally stable". Although in a surprising turn of events, this was the first one of these days I've had this school year. It usually happens much sooner. Like pre-school week.) Just when I was at my lowest point - I had just finished with my very hardest class, which is also my next-to-last class of the day - God intervened. 3 unusual things happened at once:

It was 70 degrees in February.
No one was out at recess (on a 70 degree day in Feb.)
My last class got unexpectedly pushed back half an hour at the last minute.

So I went outside and walked around the track a few times. It didn't make everything all better, but it definitely helped. And enabled me to get through my day.

God had to be right there, smiling and hugging me, pushing me through it. He is truly an awesome God.

Heaven

2009-02-11T06:09:00.002-05:00

I think about heaven a lot - how great it's going to be, how I can't wait to to get there, all of that. I have no fear or trepidation about death whatsoever because I'm so excited about it.

So this morning in the shower I was thinking about it and I began to wonder - why does God have us go through this life on earth first? Why not just create us directly in heaven? Seems like it would save a lot of pain all around.

I'm sure the answer is wrapped up somewhere in God loving us, because everything he does is. Maybe when I get to heaven he'll explain it to me :)

25 random things about me

2009-02-10T21:26:00.002-05:00

Ok, I am totally and completely addicted to Facebook. Love the stalker aspect of it, love seeing pictures, love everything about it. (Except the 15,000 random requests I get every day. I don't even look at those) So this trend started where everyone had to write 25 random things about themselves. There have been other trends, but this is the only one that got the Sarah Nash "Cool Seal of Approval" (an award more highly coveted than the Good Housekeeping Seal) I had so much fun reading other peoples notes! So I thought I would share my post:

Um, I forgot to cut and paste the rules here. Seriously, is there anyone out there who doesn't know the rules by now? I was going to say I'm pulling a Katie Masinick and not tagging anybody. Then Katie caved and tagged people. So I'm just going to say that I'm not tagging people because everyone's already been tagged and I like to be defiant like that. I DO want to read your list, though......so write one already!

1. My two favorite things are UNC basketball and my niece and nephew, Abby and Brian. (ok this one’s not random. Everyone already knows this)

2. I almost always have half a glass of Cherry Coke Zero chillin’ in my refrigerator, getting flat so I can drink it later.

3. I have Jawad Williams’ leftover chicken wings in my freezer.

4. I’m somewhat of a control freak. That’s why I like teaching. Also why my favorite basketball position is point guard.

5. I get unreasonably angry over things which I have absolutely no control, such as college basketball and the weather.

6. At the beginning of the season, I write every UNC basketball game on my calendar including opponent, location, time, and tv channel.

7. I am a co-founder and co-president of Not Sarah’s Game Club, going strong for 5 years now!

8. I talk to my mom and my sister almost every day. I see my family at least once a month, and I cry every time I leave them.

9. My friends call me “Speed” because in high school I got two speeding tickets in the same spot doing the same speed within a few months of each other. Some call me “Sidim” and we will not discuss the reasons why.

10. I wish I could take a nap and a hot bath every single afternoon.

11. I have been on two cruises – one to the Caribbean and one to Alaska. I researched them to death, did everything I wanted to do, and loved every minute. Do I want to do another one? Ah. Take it or leave it.

12. I hate, loathe, and despise email forwards. Especially when the sender, who is supposed to a fully grown woman (JULIE SMITH IN COLLEGE) adds things like “I know this is silly, but I don’t want bad luck....”

13. I have a sleeping routine. I have to lay (or is it lie?) (It’s lie – Clark says “Chickens lay, people lie”) on my back, my side, my stomach, my other side, and back to my stomach. Then I have to sleep with one arm straight up under the pillow and the other hand under my cheek. One leg has to be bent up while the other is straight. Some people find this tossing and turning when I first go to bed to be disruptive. I find it to be normal and calming.

14. I have a blog instead of a journal because it looks prettier.

15. I’m running my first 10k at the end of March. That’s 6.2 miles. 10 months and 125 pounds ago, I couldn’t even run 6.2 feet.

16. My sister is my best friend and my hero. I want to be just like her when I grow up. She’s smart, funny, pretty, organized, and basically does it all with a smile like it’s no big deal. I need her to help me remember family member’s names and I don’t like to buy clothes unless she approves them first.

17. At one point I wanted to move to Maine, but then I realized I was too much of a Momma’s girl to move that far away from home. For the same reason, I think I’m the only person not to put “I love to travel” on my 25 things list. In fact, I think I’ll go ahead and put “I don’t like to travel” just to be shocking.

18. I’m the pickiest eater you’ll ever meet. I don’t eat any fruit or seafood. I like a few vegetables – broccoli, cauliflower, green beans, potatoes – but mostly with cheese on them. When people find out I don’t like fruit, they start listing them. “Really? Not even apples? Or grapes?” or they try and trick me “What about tomatoes?” Yes, people. I KNOW what fruits are. I just don’t like them.

19. I think that people seriously underestimate the importance of kids repeatedly reading and re-reading on their independent level.

20. I refuse to use abbreviations in text messages.

21. I still have 3 living grandparents. My grandaddy died 3 years ago and I miss him every day.

22. The only thing I really want out of a life is to be a wife and mother. I think I’ll always feel like a failure without that, but I’m working on it (the feeling like a failure, not the becoming a wife and mother).

23. I love The Office, but I think Psych is the funniest show on television. My dream guy has a lot of Jim Halpert and Shawn Spencer in him. I also loved that old show Sports Night that got canceled way too soon.

24. I spend a lot of time thinking about the first person I want to see or the first question I want to ask when I get to heaven. I think it may be “What kind of a student was Jesus? How old was he when he learned to read?”

25. I don’t believe in NASA. I believe it exists, I just don’t believe it should. Why spend billions of dollars on something that may possibly be out in space when we have tons of people here without food, homes, doctors, or books??

26. In high school, I had a “pillar of coldness” that kept me cold all the time. As I got super fat, it melted and I had little problem staying warm. Now that I’ve lost some weight I’ve rediscovered cold in ways I never knew existed. How is it possible to be THIS cold all the time??!!??!!

My list has 26 things on it because I love breaking rules!

My new blog

2009-02-09T20:04:00.002-05:00

Well, I have finally finished it. I have created a second blog! I called it Fighting to Free the Skinny Girl Within. There is literally nothing on there that is not also on this blog. So, seriously, if you've been reading this blog there is no need to go there. I created it simply so that people who are only interested in finding out about my WLS experience can go there and not have to wade through everything else. I've also put a lot more detail into the labels - instead of just labeling everything with a generic "WLS", I've broken it down more. So, in the future, anytime I post something here that concerns my WLS I'll just copy it over there as well. I know it seems random and strange, but that's the kind of girl I am.

It's been an adventure reading what I've written the last 11 months or so...Sometimes I do a good job of documenting what I'm doing, and others not so much. Oh, well. I'm going with the "something is better than nothing" theory here.

A Beautiful Day!

2009-02-08T18:07:00.002-05:00

So today we finally had some nice warm, sunny weather - the first time in a long, long time! It was so exciting! So I went to church, then went out to lunch with some friends from church. They were playing ultimate frisbee this afternoon so I went home, threw on an old t-shirt from the play I did in high school (Go Go Go Joseph!), and headed out to join them. I didn't actually play frisbee - I am no good at that and people who take these things seriously would get irritated if I tried to play - but I did play a little bit of basketball, which is awesome. I need to do that more. Then I headed over to the Masinick's to catch the end of their barbeque and play some ladderball. (Awesome game)

While this may sound like an awesome, fun day to anyone, to me it was nothing short of a miracle. Let me tell you all of the things from this day that would have never happened last year - note the phrase "some friends from church". I made friends, which is not something I did well when I was super fat. Note that I went to be involved in some outdoor physical activitiy - not something I could have done fat. Note that I threw on an old t-shirt from high school. It's actually looser now than it was then. Why I kept it all these years, I don't know. My life now is made up of miracles everyday and I'm so, so grateful.

I'm rarely sappy, but today I was just feeling this so much. I even called my mom and told her thank you. Not only did she pay for my surgery, but she encouraged me every step of the way. I have a long, uphill battle still to go but I'm celebrating how far I've come for now.

A dream come true!

2009-02-02T18:58:00.005-05:00

I've talked before about how much I love really old movie outfits. Well, this weekend I went to a movie character themed birthday party, and I rented a dress and went as Guinevere. (You know? From Camelot? She was a bit of a tramp but the greatest, most idyllic kingdom ever was destroyed because of her?) It was sooooo exciting for me. I love being Guinevere. I want to be her every day. Here are some pics:

The outfit

The hairdo

Not only did I love being Guinevere, but it's amazing to me to be able to wear a costume at all. When I was fat, I could never have found an awesome outfit like this. In fact, I probably wouldn't have been willing to even go to this party. It's so strange how so, so much about my life is different now.

In running news, I've decided to scale back my training a bit. I was using the Y training schedule, but I was combining the novice and intermediate training schedules a bit. So I'm going to stick from now on just to the novice schedule. Although I can do the longer runs from the intermediate schedule, I think I'm running more often now then I was before which is making it more difficult. So I'm going to try and be ok with taking it slowly and setting more realistic expectations for myself, which can be frustrating to me.

One more note - I'm working on setting up a second blog where I'm copying all of my posts about WLS. That way if you don't know me and don't care about all of the other nonsense in my life, but are interested in hearing about my WLS journey I can send you there. I'm telling you this now so that I get motivated to finish it and get it up and running :)

Overestimating my running abilities

2009-01-31T09:29:00.002-05:00

So this morning was a 3 mile group run with the training program. Let me first mention that two days ago I ran five miles - FIVE MILES - around my apt. complex. I was so excited and proud :)

This morning's 3 mile run nearly killed me. I mean, it was bad. I was slow, I felt yucky, I didn't think I was going to make it. I don't know if it's because it was so cold or I was running in the morning instead of afternoon like I usually do, or if I just felt worse about it b/c I could see how many people were running faster than me. But it made me, truly for the first time, doubt my ability to do this race. I know that I have 2 months to go. And, truly, I should be absolutely thrilled to be able to do anything close to what I'm doing considering where I was a year ago. But you know my family motto - "Good enough is never good enough".

*Ugh* LIFE. Why does it have to be so complicated?!?!

Tonight at Kid's Club...

2009-01-29T00:00:00.002-05:00

my kids were discussing (as we do pretty much every week) my age. One sweet 3rd grader busted out with, "31 is the new 21!"

Thanks, Sarah. Awesome name by the way :)

Is this day over yet?

2009-01-27T20:10:00.003-05:00

So it hasn't been a good day. But that happens. And at the end of it, I get to go to bed!

Honestly, my school is like a soap opera there's so much drama there. I think that's true at all schools. Is it true at other workplaces as well? I tend to think it's more true in schools because it's all women, but I could be wrong...

So yesterday I ran 4.5 miles around my complex. No problem. Kept at about a 12:00 mile, which is my estimated pace for the race. I ran on the treadmill tonight - just for 30 minutes, but I increased my speed slowly to faster than I've done before. (That's what was on the training schedule for today) No problem. (And when I say no problem, please translate that as "I didn't die") Then I got off the treadmill and started walking across the gym - I was headed upstairs to do some weights. Suddenly EXCRUCIATING pain hits my knee. Out of the blue. I didn't cry (inside the gym), but it was tough. I couldn't bend my knee and I could barely, barely walk. I slowly, slowly, slowly hobbled out through the sleet to my car. By the time I got home, the pain had lessened, but not gone away. Although my knee has been giving me some problems, this kind of pain has only happened once before. I've bought a brace and I'm wearing it now. I think I'm going to have to go see someone about this knee issue, but I have no idea who to go see about it. I think I'll ask a trainer either at the gym or at my training run on Sat.

So here's the conversation I had with a 5th grader today. It's quality. Deja has decided that my desk needs to be cleaned off (she's right), so she's done it for me. Now she's updating my pictures of Abby and Brian

Deja: "Oh, I thought these were your kids"
Me: "No, they're my sister's"
Deja: "Why don't you have any kids?"
Me: "Well, I don't have a husband."
Deja: "You don't need a husband to have a baby!"
Me: "Well, yes. I do."
Deja: " No, you don't"
Me: "Well, I do. Having a baby is a lot of work (Deja interjects: "No, it's not") and I want a partner to help me with it."
Deja: "Why don't you just get your boyfriend to help you?"
Me: "I don't have a boyfriend."
Deja: "Why not? All you have to do is go on match.com!"
Me: "Oh, I didn't realize that's how it worked."
Deja: "Yeah. Let me finish your desk, then I'll go on for you and get you a boyfriend."

Man, it's good to have Deja around.

Being 31 - ahhhh!

2009-01-24T09:08:00.005-05:00

I am not and will not do a sappy reflection on how different my 31st birthday was from my 30th. Because that's just not how I roll. But I will say this - I know I'm different than I was last year, and I got more love and attention for my birthday yesterday than I would have thought possible. I'm clearly in a different place with the people around me, especially at work. To be completely honest with you, it was a bit overwhelming. I'm not terribly shy but I think I'm glad birthdays only come once a year :)

I also decided that since it was my birthday I could eat whatever I wanted all day long. And I did. MISTAKE, Sarah. I'm not going to go into what I ate - because I'm embarassed, and because that's not what I do, and a lot because I don't want to be reprimanded - but I ate basically throughout the day. I didn't get sick or dump or anything, but I did feel generally yucky. And it didn't really help me enjoy my birthday. NOTE TO SELF: Find other ways to celebrate your birthday. :)

So this morning was my first run in the YMCA 10k training program. (They ran last week, but I was in Charleston. Luckily for me, too, because apparently it was 7 degrees last week. SEVEN. This week it was 52. Much more acceptable) We did 2.5 miles today and I did fine, although my knee was bothering me some at the end. I stayed somewhere in the middle of the huge group (there were like 200 people there!). I definitely got passed a lot, but I passed some people, too - mostly walkers. :) They put us into groups based on our projected finish time. I signed up for a wave that finishes in about 70-75 minutes - about a 12:00 mile. That was the fastest group at the training this morning, which is scary. (I'm signed up for the novice runner group - there are some run/walkers - there's also a walkers group and an intermediate group) I hope I'm not in over my head here. I definitely felt like the fat girl that everyone was looking at going, "Seriously? What is she thinking?" It may not be true, but that doesn't stop me from feeling that way!

I also picked up my schedule for the next 9 weeks and surprisingly enough, the most it ever has us running in training is 6 miles, which it only has us do once two weeks before the race. Then it backs the mileage down until the day of the race, which is 6.2 miles. Does this strike anyone else as odd?

Today my friend Laura is coming and we're going to visit Julie and her new baby. Yay! I have been out-of-control busy the last week and a half and have completely neglected my poor BFF, the new mom. Hopefully she'll forgive me and I'll be able to make it up to her.

I'm off to clean up a bit and NAP. That's my most exciting plan for the day. I hope you get one, too!

Happy Birthday to me!

2009-01-23T05:43:00.002-05:00

Doesn't it seem like on your birthday little birthday elves should come and get you ready and dressed in your sleep? Then you could just sleep in on your birthday, hop up and head out the door. Now THAT would be a birthday present!

Abby's Birthday and Brian's baptism

2009-01-20T22:28:00.006-05:00

I had a great long weekend in Charleston! Tons of family came in to celebrate Abby turning 2 and Brian getting baptized. They both just get so much bigger and sweeter every time I see them :)

Although Abby almost slept through it :), her party was a big success! There were balloons,

cake,

tattoos,

and lots of Thomas supplies!

Even Brian got in on the theme :)

The next day Brian was baptized at church.
He wore his dad's christening gown, which was really sweet.
During the sermon, Kay and Bruce got a "shout out". They were held up as an example to the whole congregation! After the service, the family posed for endless photos...

I love these kids!!!!!

10k

2009-01-16T22:27:00.002-05:00

Ok, I'm officially signed up for the race. Keep me in your prayers because I'm going to need them!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABBY!!!!!! My favorite girl in the whole world turned 2 today. I'm in Charleston now (I got here after she went to bed) so we can celebrate tomorrow. With a Thomas party. Then Sunday my favorite little boy is getting baptized. Big weekend all around.

STAY WARM EVERYONE!!!!!!!!

New shoe update

2009-01-15T23:45:00.002-05:00

So this afternoon I laced up my new shoes and did 4 miles on the treadmill at the gym (which nearly killed me, by the way) And NO KNEE PAIN! And not even any blisters - even though I forgot to put band aids on the old ones!!!!

I'm super super excited about this development. Yay running shoes! And Roadrunner! And the girl who helped me whose name I don't know! And Clark for giving me Christmas money to buy them! And Lisa's friend Christina who was at dinner with some friends the other night and suggested I needed good shoes to help the knee pain!

So I'm dangerously close to signing up for this 10k now. Terrifying. No way could I do 6.2 miles right now but I have time to train, right?

No gallstones for me!

2009-01-14T21:25:00.004-05:00

MY BFF JULIE HAD HER BABY ON FRIDAY!!!!!!

Lila was born at 7:23 am and weighed in.....um, I forgot. But she weighed in as something. 7 lb, ? oz maybe? Anyway, she's really, really cute. Julie was in the hospital 3 days and I went to see her 4 times :) They came home Monday so tomorrow night I'm taking them dinner and I can't wait to see that sweet baby at home away from all that hospital stuff! She's absolutely perfect and I LOVE that I live so close to her. Poor Julie is going to want to kick me out soon! I'm not going to post any pictures b/c I haven't asked Julie if it's ok. But I will if she says ok.

So, after a few days of phone tag with the surgeon's office, I found out today that my ultrasound was clear and I don't have gallstones. I didn't really think I did, but I feel better having ruled it out. There are, however, two downsides to this situation - 1. This pain isn't terribly frequent but I don't handle pain well and it HURTS. Now I don't know how to fix it. and 2. I had to get the ultrasound done at the hospital where I was considered an outpatient and my co-pay was $100!!! But, all in all, good news.

I know I haven't updated lately - smack my hand here - so here's what's going on with me:

- I have been a GRUMP RUMP this week. I felt icky on Monday, but I don't really know what's going on here. I have not been really pleasant to be around, so be glad you're not around me. I apologize if you are.

- I don't know if I've talked about this much, but I've had to seriously scale back my running because my knee has really been hurting (see previous point about me not handling pain well). I was up to running 3-4 miles at a time, but for the last month or two I've only been about to make it about 2 before it hurts so badly I can't run anymore. So mostly I've been doing other things - swimming, classes at the gym, the elliptical, etc. Several people have told me to go get good running shoes, so yesterday I took some of my Christmas money to Roadrunner and had them watch me run and evaluate me and help me pick out good shoes. The girl was really nice and I picked out some Nikes. So last night I went to the gym and ran on the treadmill. My knee didn't hurt nearly as bad when I ran, and I made it just over 3.5 miles :) (It took me about 45 minutes) Although, my knee did hurt quite a bit after I got home. I'll deal with that another time. But by the time I got off I had blisters on the inside arch of my foot and my toes were hurting and feeling cramped. At which point I realized I forgot to mention to the girl how enormously wide my feet are. So I took them back today and she watched me run some more and exchanged them for new ones. (She also suggested running socks which I, naturally, bought) My new ones are made by Saucony and they look like this:

They're a Progrid Omni 7 Moderate if any of you know what that means. I don't. I'll let you know how they do.

- This one is also about running. So it really could be a sub-bullet point of the last one. But I'm letting it stand on my own. Just a personal decision. I think I'm going to sign up to do the Monument Ave 10K here in Richmond at the end of March. This race is a huge deal around here, and I know lots of people who are doing it. They limit registration to 35,000 so I need to hurry ;) They have a training program through the local Y that I think I'll sign up for. How scary is that? Last year at this time I couldn't even run 6.2 yards, much less 6.2 miles! But I really want to do it. I'll be sure and keep you updated on my training. Quit holding your breath. It's like 2.5 months away and I don't think you can go that long without breathing.

- After I went shoe shopping yesterday, I went costume shopping. Some friends are having a come-dressed-as-a-movie-character birthday party in a few weeks, and I've been thinking about what to wear. So I went into a costume rental store just to try on a few things. It was SO MUCH FUN! It was like grown-up dress up. And, honestly, it was mostly fun because I could fit into the costumes ;) I would NEVER have even dreamed of trying that when I was heavier.

- Despite the fact that I bought some size 14 jeans tonight (a size I haven't seen since like middle school), I am feeling FAT FAT FAT FAT. Part of it is the fact that my stomach is shaped like a muffin top even when I'm not wearing pants, so I always have this nasty stomach roll to contend with. Part of it is some recent pictures. And part of it is just seeing the fat. It used to be that just be "normal sized" would make me happy. Now I think I'm going to need to be actually thin. Maybe this is part of my grumpy mood this week. Maybe I'm PMSing and have hormones flying all around. Maybe this is part of my "good enough is never good enough" mentality/issues. Maybe it's just part of the normal cycle following WLS. Maybe I need to seek therapy. Maybe this whole bullet was TMI for some of you. Sorry!

- On Friday, Abby turns 2!!!! And Brian is being baptized on Sunday. So everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) is going down for the weekend. I'm really excited - it will be fun. I'm also really excited that I'm staying a day longer than everyone else so I'll have some time with my sister. She reminded me that last year on this weekend the two of us went to Patriot's Point. (Since Kay planned so well and had Abby near MLK, Jr. day we fortunately always have a long weekend to go down and celebrate.) It was a good time, as you can see from these pics:

So I'm thinking that we need to make a "sister outing" a tradition for this weekend. I haven't mentioned this to Kay yet, but I'm sure she'll agree. Kay? Whaddayathink?

This is why I should post more often. I get so wordy when I don't....

Here's to lots of sleep and warmth for all of you! And me, too!

6 month follow-up continued

2009-01-07T22:17:00.003-05:00

I did forget to mention one thing about my appointment. I've been having some random pains in my right side, which I mentioned to Dr. Elliot. He said it didn't sound like classic gall stone symptoms, but he wanted me to have an ultrasound to be sure. So Friday morning I'm going to have that done.

Also I got my pictures uploaded - I'm sorry some of them are fuzzy. My self-timer and I are not BFFs. Or maybe it's just that I don't know much about photography.

(side note - right now, my cat is sitting up on her haunches on my desk with her head down on my arm, which is about at her feet level. She's just chillin' like that. It's bizarre)

The day before surgery

6 weeks out

3 months out

Yesterday (6 months)

6 month follow-up

2009-01-07T17:23:00.002-05:00

It's hard to believe it's been 6 months since my surgery! But it has, so I went in to see Dr. Elliot today. I had my blood work done for the first time as well. Dr. E. said everything looked good - all of my vitamins and such were looking good. Apparently my albumen (?) which measures protein was good but my pre-albumen (?) was just a little low, so he said I could try to get a little more protein in. He said it would be ok if I did a shake for breakfast every other day or so, since that's the time when protein is the hardest for me. Overall, he was pleased and said everything was going well.

So my total weight loss is now at 120 pounds. I have about 40 pounds left to go, although Dr. Elliot says I've lost enough to consider the surgery a success and get the health benefits of it. He says I could possibly go as low as losing another 55 pounds, but I've set my goal at just low enough to get my BMI to say a normal weight. That's hard to imagine :) To see how my life is different now, you can click here. I'm not going to rehash all of that stuff, although I'm sure there is more that I could add :) But because I'm crazy - really because I always like to see other people's - I'm posting some of my "along the way" shots in honor of my "surgiversary" was the WLS community calls it :)

Well, Blogger isn't liking uploading my pictures for some reason, so if I have another brave moment I'll try again another time!

P.S. - Carolina has a chance to redeem themselves tonight against the College of Charleston. It doesn't start until 9 and it's not on tv here. I'm REALLY REALLY tired, so I probably won't make it up for the game which is, in and of itself, rather shocking. But GO HEELS!

HA!

2009-01-05T22:37:00.002-05:00

I read many UNC basketball blogs (I know you find this hard to believe since I am neither - pronounced with a long i, not a long e - an internet addict nor a UNC fanatic, but it's true). One of my favorites is Carolina Water Cooler. Those guys are seriously funny AND know their stuff. It's awesome. Also, it's not blocked by Henrico County. Hooray!

Anyway, the point is in their preview of Wed. night's epic matchup against the College of Charleston, they referred to TEATS, which they indicated by an asterisk meant "The Eight And Twenty Season" I cracked up. I refer to that dreadful time in our basketball history rarely - and our coach at the time even more rarely - and it steals a little piece of my heart away every time it comes up.

But this is awesome. I am keeping TEATS in my vernacular for sure. Because it's not something that any true UNC fan is likely to forget anytime soon...

The mini-debacle

2009-01-05T19:24:00.003-05:00

I haven't posted much about my TarHeels this season because they've been good beyond belief and I've been busy. They've been a unanimous #1 and although they've looked not as good as they should have the last few games, they were clearly the most dominant team in the country.

Until last night.

When they LOST. To BOSTON COLLEGE.

(Who, in case you were wondering, was picked to finish #11 out of 12 in the ACC this year)

I'm calling it the mini-debacle, because the big debacle was, of course, the disastrous Final Four game against Kansas last year.

There was no defense last night. None. I'm not sure the boys even remembered what a rebound was. And the shots just weren't going down. We shot something like 38% for the game and only like 55% from the FREE throw line. At one point, clutch time, near the end of the game, we had three completely wide open 3-pointers in a row (on one posession) and bricked them all. It was physically painful to me.

I've said all along I wouldn't mind us losing an early season game to get that undefeated talk out of the way and make the team realize that they aren't invincible. But this was a CONFERENCE game. Our conference opener, in fact, which makes it more painful.

But we learn and move on. It's not the tournament, and we still have a great shot at being national champions. I am not going to be depressed about this, I am not going to be depressed about this, I am not going to be depressed about this...

(Why I take basketball so seriously and what needs to be done about it is clearly an issue, yet a topic for another day)

Wednesday I have my 6-month follow up with Dr. Elliot. I'll have blood work done at that point, so we'll see how everything is coming along. This whole constantly needing new clothes thing is really wearing on me, although I know it's a good thing and not something I should be complaining about. I'll let you know what he says!

A New Year...

2009-01-02T14:35:00.002-05:00

Ok, it's that time of year. Let's look back at the past year and forward to the new one. Because I said so, that's why!

This has been an amazing year for me in so many ways - I have a new job that I love at a great school with co-workers who have really made me feel accepted and welcome. I've become involved with a great group at my church and made new friends there as well. And let's not forget that I've lost over 100 pounds (almost at 120 now!), so I look and feel like a new person, and all the myriad of new things that go with that. At this time last year, I had none of that - or even an inkling that any of it would happen!

So why am I still not satisfied? Why do I want more, more, more?? Why do I feel like none of these things are good enough if I can't find a husband, get a house, and have a baby? Because I'm a fallen, sinful, greedy human I suppose. My small group (yet another blessing to come out of this year!) has been studying John Piper's book When I Don't Desire God: How to Fight for Joy. So my goal this year is to do just that: fight for joy. We are commanded by God to fight for joy, which comes only through growing closer to him. Although you would have to do the whole study to really get a lot out of it, here are Piper's 15 strategies to use in the fight for joy:

Meditate on the Word of God day and night.
When reading, focus on the centrality of God.
Do not skip the terrifying parts of the Bible.
Learn to preach to yourself.
Pray earnestly and continually for everything you need to be happy in God.
Fight against every sin in your life.
Share your faith.
Spend time with God-saturated people.
Read biographies of great Christian saints.
Read great books about God.
Get the rest, exercise, and proper diet that God has ordained you need.
Make a proper use of revelation in nature.
Do the hard and loving thing for the sake of others.
Get a global vision for Christ and pour yourself out to the unreached.
Be patient in the night of God's seeming absence.

It's an overwhelming list, so I'm just going to concentrate on making sure I do at least one of them daily.

On a completely different note, I went to the movies this morning. (Marley and Me - cute, made me cry, but not going to make my top 10 list) They must be making those seats bigger. I fit in it with room for my arms as well and room to spare. You can't imagine the horror of going to the movies and being afraid you won't fit into the seat until you've been there....or of having to put your arms on the armrests because there's no room for them in your seat.

Christmas

2009-01-01T13:27:00.005-05:00

My family is strange and weird...

At Grandma Nash's, we get to open poppers.
They have treats, riddles...and crowns!

Favorite Christmas presents...
The kitchen!

Thomas!

A piggy bank! "Change?!" "Bullet?"

Finger puppets!

The Taggie elephant - so popular, Kay and I both bought the same one!

Our favorite things to do...

slice bread

play trains

help BeBe put on makeup

write letters to Santa

Mario Kart!

My favorite part of Christmas!

A New Christmas Story

2008-12-20T21:02:00.002-05:00

My mom teaches 2nd grade in Lynchburg at a school similar to mine. One of her students wrote this story and I had to share it with you:

God's Christmas

God married Mary but God died. Who could she have a baby with? She found one his name was Joseph. It was a long day. Mary was happy. Because her baby was coming! "Joseph" Mary cried!, "The baby"! Joseph Came and picked her and ran out the door! He run to a barn he help her. He waited and waited! And finally the baby was born. his name was Jesus The End

Late Night Deep Thoughts

2008-12-20T08:18:00.005-05:00

Well, I'm finally officially on Christmas Break!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!! And I made it to Lynchburg with my sweet family. Yes, the babies are here :) (don't worry, I'll post pictures soon) So last night when I got up to rock a crying Abby at 4 a.m., I had this deep thought...

I'm always struck by how we are commanded to have "faith like a child". There are so many ways in which we are like children and God is like the adults in our lives. I could go on and on. Of course, the analogy will eventually break down - as will anything that compares me to God :) But as I'm holding Abby, I realize that I'm holding her and she's sleeping on my shoulder. She's not holding on at all. She's just laying there, totally trusting that I'm going to keep holding her. She's so sure of it, she's gone back to sleep. And you know what the best part is? She's right to trust me that much. I would die before I let anything hurt her.

I bet you already know where I'm going here. Do I trust God that much? Do I just rest in him, trusting that he's going to keep me safe? Because he will. He died for it.

Pet Peeves

2008-12-14T17:24:00.002-05:00

Here are two pet peeves of mine that were realized today -

Why do grocery store baggers think that you don't need your cat food in a bag? I am totally with them on things that have handles - cat litter, milk, soda cans, whatever. But bags of cat food? How exactly am I supposed to carry that with my other bags? I feel this way about toilet paper, too. But the toilet paper is too big to fit in the bag so, while frustrating for me, I can understand. I ALWAYS rip the plastic around my toilet paper trying to get it into the house.
This year, I've decided that I'm enjoying classic Christmas hymns. Why do people always feel like they need to "mix it up"? There are some ridiculous versions out there. (Ok, sometimes I like them. But mostly - no.) Today in church, they decided to sing the first verse of "O Come All Ye Faithful" painfully slow and pause between each line. We had no way of knowing about these mysterious pauses, so we kept singing into the silence, which was awkward. People were giggling. Then, all of a sudden, they burst out the second verse into a ho-down! I'm not kidding - fiddles and all. I felt like I should be square dancing. To "O Come All Ye Faithful".

These do not compare to my biggest pet peeve - children calling adults by their title and first name, like "Ms. Sarah" - but bothered me today nonetheless :)

Today's sermon

2008-12-14T17:22:00.002-05:00

Except for the whole strange-O-Come-All-Ye-Faithful incident, the church service today was so amazing. Pastor Shelby was preaching on King Herod killing all of the boys under 2 in Bethlehem to try and get rid of Jesus. (See Matthew 2:16-18 if you don't know this part of the story.) He was talking about how we have to believe that God can redeem even the worst, most evil things that happen to us for his glory. A lot of things struck me, but here's the quote that stayed with me -

"If the gospel can't redeem this (Herod killing the babies), then it is no gospel."

He said that when horrible things happen, to us or to someone else, we should cry with them, acknowledge that sin and evil exist, and then offer the hope of the gospel. Another quote I liked was

"People say that time heals all wounds. That is a lie. Time can't heal wounds, it can only dull them a little bit. Only God can heal."

I thought it was an incredibly powerful sermon, and I am not doing it justice here. If you would like to listen to, you can download it off of the church's website.

Then we sang FOUR songs! Singing is my favorite part of the service and it just seemed extra powerful today for whatever reason. We sang one of my favorites, In Christ Alone. Printing the words doesn't do the song justice. With the band and everyone singing loudly, it gave me chills.

I'm so happy I found WEPC! If you ever want to visit with me, I'd love to have you :)

Being Thankful

2008-12-14T16:53:00.005-05:00

At church, we have a monthly prayer focus where we join with churches all around the area to pray for a specific area. For December, it's for those who are lonely and without family. I've been feeling really sad lately about being single. (A normal thing, but I definitely go through ups and downs with it. Last week, the leader at Kid's Club made a totally normal innocent comment that "As far as I know, no one in this room has ever been pregnant" and it completely, completely crushed me. Out of the blue and for no reason) But that prayer and lunch today have forced me to think about how blessed I truly am. I have an amazing family that supports me no matter what. I have great friends that I can totally count on. For goodness sake, I have 217 Facebook friends! ;) God knows how incredibly weak I am, so he has given me a great support system.

Although, if you know any single, Christian, 30-something guys feel free to send them my way... ;)

Last thing for today. I promise. My favorite sister and her family made it to Lynchburg today (although I won't get to see them until next weekend :( ) and Brian rolled over! Yay!!! I don't have a picture of it, but I do have a picture of Brian, so here you go:
(I know, look at all that hair! That's what everyone says. At 10 weeks old in this picture, he already needs a haircut. Doesn't it make him look like a little old man? Isn't he just SO SWEET?)

Toodles!

Magic Shoe Update

2008-12-13T00:36:00.002-05:00

So it turns out that I didn't switch my black Danskos with my mom. They're not my sister's or my brother's girlfriend's either. I don't know who else I could have switched with. Maybe they are really magic....

Our school Christmas party was tonight and I had so much fun! The staff at Fair Oaks are so fantastic. They have been so welcoming and sweet to me and I feel very much a part of them already. Plus, they're just fun, fun people. I just feel really, really, really blessed to be working there with them. (You may have to remind me of this at some point when I'm frustrated with my job. If only my job could be just hanging out with the staff.... Anyone know of a job like that?)

I don't know if you realize this or not, but I'm typing this at 12:40 am. That's two Fridays in a row I've been up past midnight. Maybe I am turning into a party animal in my old age.... probably not, though ;)

I learned an important lesson tonight - don't hate the player, hate the game. I used to get confused about which one I was supposed to hate. No more, my friends. No more. Thanks, Johnny.

Magic Healing Shoes

2008-12-09T22:34:00.003-05:00

(No, this is NOT going to be like that sappy shoe song that gets overplayed at Christmas. I don't do sappy. That song, much like the song "Don't Laugh at Me" and the book The Kissing Hand, makes me want to hurt someone. Namely, the person who is inflicting them on me)

I have three pairs of Dansko clogs (2 pairs were Christmas gifts from a child in Charlottesville - you know I don't pay that much for shoes on my own) - black, brown, and shiny Carolina blue! If you've ever met me or my cats, you know that I have some very destructive pets. One of the things that they have destroyed is the insole of my black Danskos. They have torn them up scratching or biting or whatever it is they do when I'm not here. It doesn't bother me so much - after a minute or so, you can't even feel it so I keep on wearing them anyway.

I realized tonight that the insoles of my black Danskos are in perfect shape. No rips or tears. Nothing. I can't say how long they've been this way - we learned in the last post how unobservant I am. I have three theories:

#1 - My favorite and the one I choose to believe - My shoes are magic and have healed themselves. It is Christmas, after all!

#2 - Some friend or family member noticed their decrepit state, took them out, had them re-soled, and returned them without me noticing.

#3 - I mixed mine up with my mom's black Danskos last time I was home.

Which theory do you choose to believe? I think this issue is going to be sweeping the nation soon!

P.S. - I keep finding new blogs! Check out this post or this one from Bryan Allain and this one from Trey Morgan. You may find you want to stay awhile!

Sleep well my friends!

The Great Cat Search.

2008-12-07T14:14:00.006-05:00

Ok, I'm going to go ahead and tell you this upfront. You already know this if you know me well, but - I'm the world's worst pet owner. Seriously. I have two cats and am desperate to give them away to someone who will let them be outdoor cats. If you know someone, let me know.

Today I realized that I hadn't seen my fat girl cat, Christine, for a while. Like a day or two at least. So I looked all over my apartment for her (this took about 3.25 minutes in my giant abode) and she was nowhere to be found. I immediately felt really guilty because she must have run out the door one time when I left and I didn't notice! And it has been REALLY cold - it snowed last night. So, although I wasn't sad in a "I'll-miss-this-cat" kind of way, I was really upset in a "I'm-an-awful-person-she's-freezing-or-dead-and-I-didn't-even-notice" kind of way. Keep in mind here, I have two cats so one of them is always pestering me. I just don't always pay attention to which one it is. Cats are independent. They like to be left alone. I'm trying to help them out.

So I decided, without much optimism, that I had to go at least try and look for her. Did I mention that it's COLD here?!?! So I found her after 10-15 minutes, chillin' on the railing of the apartment building next door. (Yes, it took me 15 minutes to get next door. I went the other way first) She was in front of an apartment - I don't know if they had fed her or petted her, or if she just picked that spot. Anyway, I went and got her. She did try to get away from me a little bit, which I did not think was an appropriate way to treat the woman who has taken care of her for 3 years and has now rescued her from the cold, but I brought her home. Now we get to the other bad part...

I'm not totally sure I got the right cat. I mean, it looks just like my cat - dark gray tiger stripes, fat, no collar. What are the chances that a cat that looks EXACTLY like mine would be chillin' at the building next to mine when Christine was lost? Very slim, I'm sure. She does seem fatter than before, but I don't really know about that. (Although it could be that she's been gone longer than I realized and I've just gotten used to looking at the skinnier one) But Raoul (my other cat) is hissing at her and stuff. Usually they are total BFF. They came from the same litter - they've been together all their lives! And she was sniffing the ground. That seems like something a cat who had never been here before would do, but then again - it could be something she does regularly. As I've said, I'm not exactly the most attentive cat parent. AND she sat on the ground in front her favorite chair instead of jumping up in it.

Am I overreacting here? Tell me I'm overreacting. This is my cat, right? Here. I'll post an old picture of Christine and one that I took just now and you can let me know.

Christine a month or two ago

Christine today

Ok, this was good. I compared the markings in the two pictures so now I'm sure it's the same cat. Although she does look thinner in the now picture. I guess I just didn't pay attention to how fat she was getting. Maybe that's how I got so fat, too... I wonder why Raoul is hissing at her? (Yes, my cats are named after characters in The Phantom of the Opera. That's because I'm cool like that.)

It's a good thing Christine got in the way when I tried to take that picture of all my too-big clothes a while back. If Raoul got out, I don't think I'd have any pictures to compare to.

Know anyone who wants some cats?

What 100 pounds feels like - Sarah style

2008-12-06T22:41:00.002-05:00

**Author's Note ;) - I've been working on composing this post for a while now. I went back tonight to edit it down to a manageable, readable length. But then I decided not to. Because I want to be able to go back and re-read it and remember how I felt. So, it's awfully wordy - 10 words where 1 will do kind of thing. But that's just me! So feel free to skim/skip at your leisure, as always**

Well, I posted my before and post-100 pound pictures. So I thought I would also post about what losing 100 pounds feels like. I’m always a little leery about posting things like this – things that make it sound like I’ve met my goal. It’s easy to forget that I still have 50 pounds to go. But I want to remember how I felt along the way. And try to enjoy how far I’ve come, because I get very frustrated very easily. So, because I can, here is...

How it feels to lose a 5th grader...
- HARD WORK. It’s cliche, especially in the WLS world, but in no way was this surgery “easy way out”. I don’t know if that’s still the perception among people who don’t know much about it or not.
o There are about 13,782 rules governing all my meals - what to eat, when to eat, how to eat, how much to eat. I can’t ever just not think about it. There is no cheating when I’m frustrated. I can get sick at any time – sometimes I know what caused it, sometimes I don’t. I miss food, and I miss it being easy. Imagine being on an extremely restrictive diet and knowing that you have to do it every meal, every day for the rest of your life.
o I have to exercise. Have to, have to, have to. And it’s a lot of work. I try really hard to push myself. Both to burn those extra calories and to build the muscle that will burn more calories at rest and help me avoid the excess skin.
o I have to be vigilant about vitamins and supplements. At least 5 pills a day, each one 2 hours apart from all of the others.
o Although, just to confuse you (and me) a little bit, and to bring out my multiple personalities it’s also...

- NOT AS BAD AS IT SEEMS. Yes, it’s a lot of work. But people see me eating such a little bit, or not being able to eat things, and are always talking about how bad they feel for me. And really, once I get past the head hunger thing, I don’t really miss it. My little tiny bit of food really is enough for me. I eat it slowly – it often takes me longer than it takes other people to eat their regular size meals – and it feels like a real meal to me. Someone asked me today about cravings and I’ve found that they’re getting less and less. Because when I crave something and eat it, a lot of times it doesn’t taste very good. After a few times of that, it gets easier not to eat it. I know it sounds like I’m contradicting myself. It’s hard to explain. Roll with me here :)

- RUNNING. I talk about this a lot, so I won’t expand on it too much here. But the difference in what I’m able to do when I exercise is amazing. I can run! I can do an entire aerobics class (remember way back when Zumba kicked my butt?). In fact, the other day I did a Zumba class followed by a Body Pump class. And smaller things – I don’t get winded walking up stairs. You can’t imagine how much time I spent when I was bigger trying to hide the fact that I couldn’t breathe after walking just a few stairs.

- SITTING. I’m not as scared to sit in chairs anymore. I had a constant nagging fear of breaking chairs before. Also of spilling over into people’s chairs next to me at church. (Ok, this is still somewhat of a fear) I’m sitting here right now on my sofa cross legged. Earlier I had my knees up in front of me. I can cross my legs. It’s not super easy, but I do it pretty much every time I sit down. As early as this summer, when I was only like 50 pounds down, I rode on an airplane and didn’t need a seatbelt extender. I feel now like I’m almost to the point where I won’t be embarrassed for people who have to sit next to me on planes or buses.

- BAGGY CLOTHES. I have to tell you – I’m getting a little tired of wearing clothes that are too big. Which is strange, because I’ve always worn my clothes fairly big. I can buy clothes that are too small because I know I’ll fit into them soon. It’s amazing how quickly my clothes get to be too big, while at the same time I feel like I haven’t lost enough sizes. (I know, another crazy contradiction from the crazy head of Sarah) Which leads me to...

- FRUSTRATING. It’s hard for me to know what kind of realistic goals to set. Good enough is never good enough for me. I never feel like I’m losing quickly enough, or I’m doing well enough. I get frustrated about the clothes thing frequently – they’re too big, they’re too small, I don’t have enough.... (see the “hard work” point for other frustrations)

- ON DISPLAY. It feels like people are watching me constantly. They’re not obviously – or if they are it’s out of curiosity, not judgement. I can’t blame them because I do the same thing. But still, whether it’s what I’m eating or how I look, I often feel like a sideshow act :) Of course, I bring a lot of that on myself – I talk about my surgery a lot, and I blog my every action and thought. And I don’t mind answering questions or sharing my experiences at all.

- CONFIDENTER. So confident, in fact, that I dare to use the word confidenter instead of more confident.

- COLD. I’m cold. All the time. Very, very cold. Yes, part of it is losing my 100-pound coat. But part of it is my body adjusting to all the changes.

I’m sure there’s other stuff, too. But that’s quite enough for now, don’t you think?

Just so you know -

2008-12-06T01:15:00.001-05:00

It is now 1:15 AM and I am awake. See? I am a party animal!!

I had a great time at the Park Ave. party tonight. We will not discuss the two hours it took me to get there driving all over creation and back. No, no. That only makes me feel idiotic and dumb. We will only discuss how it was after midnight when I left. That, my friend, is because I am young and cool and can do these sorts of things. A couple of times a year.

I wouldn't count on me making it to 1:30, though....

A challenge and some wows :)

2008-12-03T22:16:00.006-05:00

I think I've mentioned before that one of my favorite bloggers is Jon over at Stuff Christians Like. I read it religiously every day (yes, pun intended there. haha) To get a sense of why I love it so much, check out his post on people borrowing his pen in church. But occasionally he posts on more serious topics and today he posted about God being enough. This is such a challenge for me. Sure, God would be enough for me if I had a husband, a couple of kids, and a house. And I was thin and had my life together. But is he enough for me, single and living in this little apartment? Obviously, the answer is yes and more. He's more than enough. The question is really if I can see that and have peace with it. It's something I struggle with every day. Every day. I keep praying that the truth of God's enoughness will move from my head to my heart. (yep, enoughness is a real word. I am a master of reading. If I say it's a word, it is)

Today I "ran" 4 miles. There were a few very brief periods where I let myself walk a few feet - I've been sick lately so I cut myself a little slack :) - but I realized that I have moved from walking with periods of jogging to jogging with periods of running. It amazes me every time. I know I post and talk about how far I'm "running" often. That's because I can't get over what an amazing change it is. Literally I feel myself itching to go "running" sometimes. Which is strange, because I'm not very good at it :) And I'm nowhere near a real runner. But compared to 6 months ago when I could only run a few steps? Exciting stuff.

I have started my Christmas shopping, and yesterday I went to this children's store to buy some presents for my favorite babies. I haven't signed the back of my credit card (don't get me started) so she asked for ID. I gave her my license and she really didn't believe that my picture was me. I was truly afraid that she wasn't going to take my card. I explained about the weight loss. (I did not explain about the fact that I'd been sick so I looked gross, my hair was straggly, and I was wearing my glasses) I don't think she believed me, but she took it.

Oh, what's that you say? You forgot who my favorite babies are that I was buying presents for? Well, that is awfully important to this story. Let me show you a picture.

I know. They rock. So do you, dear blog readers. So do you.

My favorite kids in the world - it's impossible not to love them.

2008-12-01T19:14:00.004-05:00

The obligatory Thanksgiving post

2008-11-28T14:43:00.002-05:00

As a blogger, I think there is a law somewhere that says I have to post a list of things I am thankful for at Thanksgiving. If I don't, I get thrown in blogger jail where baby rats nibble at my fingers and toes all day long. Since right now I am very thankful to be holding the cutest, sweetest, happiest 10 week old in history (who is fascinated by the words appearing on the screen), it seems a good time. So, here we are in no particular order except the order that I think of them:

Things Sarah Is Thankful For:

Abby and Brian (come on, you knew that one was coming)
The rest of my family :)
My friends
Ramses, my awesome Ford Escape
Flat Cherry Coke Zero
My WLS
Jeans
Naps
My job - sometimes
This sweet baby in my lap (I know I already mentioned him - it's Brian - but he's really really sweet.)
Digital cameras
Facebook for stalking people
The internet in general for being a terrific time waster
La'Nasia for saying something that makes me laugh every day
UNC basketball
USA network for making awesome shows like Monk, Psych, and Burn Notice
Game Club
My church, West End Pres, and the Young Adults group there
Dishwashers and washing machines
Abby (because it's not fair for Brian to get two mentions and her to only get one)
Treadmills with individual TVs at the gym
Power windows
Having 4 distinct seasons
Starter logs for my fireplace
Christ

Ok, people. That's as sappy as I get. I've had a crazy week but luckily it was a short holiday week! I'm spending Thanksgiving in Lynchburg with all of my crazy family. Have a great time so far :)

I think I hear Abby waking up. Better go get her!

Warm fuzzies

2008-11-22T21:45:00.003-05:00

Sometimes being a teacher leads to great moments. (And often it leads to very stressful moments, but this is not about those) Last week, my 3rd graders were using a basic template to write a poem about something they like. Here's sweet Daija's poem:

Ms. Nash

I like Ms. Nash
Ask me why
Because she is beautful
Because she is funny
Because she bring books to me
Because she is nice
Because she help me on my test
Because she have nice hair
Because she have nice jewelry
Because
Because
Because
I like Ms. Nash

Not to be outdone, Tre'Shanna threw away the template and produced this one:

I like Ms. Nash

She is nice to me
and she help me on
everthing and she
help me on the test
and she her hiar is long
and her shirt is my
fivorte coler love
Tre'Shanna

We may have some work on spelling and grammer to do still :), but I may frame them anyway. I just love these kids! Last week's dance party was another example of how awesome they are :)

Today I went to Charlottesville to shop with my cool friends Sarah and Meg who used to teach with me. We went to the Barracks Road shopping center and David Baldacci was there speaking and signing books at the Barnes and Noble! I love his books and was so excited. Sarah and Meg patiently waited over an hour while I listened to him talk and waited in line to get him to sign a book to my grandmother (I was #65 in line!)

I have decided that in order to solidify my status as a young adult woman, I need to join a book club. Because that's what we do. So I am now officially looking for a book club to join. I don't know how to begin. Any ideas?

Surviving :)

2008-11-21T07:47:00.002-05:00

God was so good to me yesterday.

Someone must have been praying for me, because I admit- I didn't take the time to do it for myself. It was a long day at school - we had a parent workshop last evening and I'm on the committee in charge of it. But Title 1 pays for a lot of the stuff, and I had some Title 1 requirements to meet as well, so I had a big part in pulling it off. I was at school for 12 1/2 hours yesterday which were completely and totally filled with business. I didn't stop to rest at all. (Well, I did get to sit down and eat my lunch. That was nice.) I had a to-do list that blew my mind. The workshop was taking place in 6 different classrooms so I had to be sure we had everything and distribute it between the classrooms. Usually having this much on my plate causes me to hyperventilate and cry ;)

Yesterday it didn't.

I calmly went from one task to the next, checking them off and moving to the next. I (amazingly) didn't get tired or run down. It just got done and the whole thing got pulled off. I won't say without a hitch b/c there were hitches - but everything worked out. The evening was well attended and, even better, it's over!

Today is Friday, the last day of this crazy week. I have a Title 1 meeting all day today. While this may sound like a relief, these meetings inevitably stress me out more than I was before because of all the paperwork and procedures. Plus, Fridays I don't teach as many groups at school so I can get caught up on my paperwork - which I have a lot of at the moment. So this meeting is really the last thing I want to be doing. But I have learned that, as someone says, "If God brings you to it, he will get you through it." Now I know that saying should be applied in more dire situations than mine, but I'm using it anyway.

And tonight - I get to hang out with some good friends! And tomorrow - possibly more good friends! And that will just make it all better. Then next week - Thanksgiving!!!!!

So, thank you for your kind words and supports. And especially your prayers, you mystery prayers out there!

A tired, grumpy Gus

2008-11-19T21:53:00.004-05:00

That's me. It was such a long day today. I ate all 3 of my meals at meetings - now tell me that doesn't just scream FUN to you!!

Tomorrow is a parent workshop that I've been working on and it's causing me major stress. I'll be happy when it's over with. Then Friday I have a Title 1 meeting all day long which always makes me feel more stressed - so I'm just holding on until Friday afternoon.

Today I got an email which made me so mad that I cried. I have been trying to get the answer to a procedural question - which really should be a fairly routine thing - for over 2 months now. I emailed the girl for the 4th time on Monday and today I got her reply. Not only did the answer not make any sense and only added to the confusion, she added "In the future, you should ask this question earlier." I just keep reminding myself - I have been forgiven for so much, I can forgive others. I make a lot of mistakes, too. By the grace of God, I did not slap anyone today. I will continue to pray about tomorrow...

Which brings me to this point - when I get mad, I always cry. Does anyone else do that? Then I get madder because crying is NOT the reaction that I want to be having. I'm MAD and I want people to know it!!! So then I just cry more. It's pitiful.

To add to my frustration, Tyler Zeller - a very talented freshman who we were really counting on, especially with Hansbrough out - is out for the season with a broken wrist and I won't get to see the next game on Friday night. And I'm not losing weight anymore, apparently. I guess my body got tired of that game. Plus my cats will not stop walking on me no matter how hard I throw them. I'm getting dangerously close to taking one of my dad's suggestions on how to deal with these creatures.

Not to mention that I can no longer eat my frustrations away. Which I suppose I should be thankful for. And may be someday. But for now I just want to spend money instead. I almost bought a Wii tonight. Just because. But honest to goodness when would I play it? Plus, apparently all of my money is going towards buying pizza for the workshop tomorrow night. Ok, we are NOT going back to that issue. No. We are not.

I could go on because my life's frustrations are multitudonous. (I am a Master of Reading. If I say it's a word, it's a word) But I suppose I'll stop. Because that way I can go to bed.

So happy

2008-11-18T23:12:00.002-05:00

Busy, busy, crazy week filled with lots of frustrations...but I just got to watch my first UNC game of the season! The boys are looking really good, despite a rash of key injuries. Hopefully we'll be back up to full strength before conference play starts.

Yay! GO UNC BASKETBALL!!!!

(Did I mention they won? That should pretty much be assumed.)

What 100 pounds looks like - Sarah style

2008-11-16T16:11:00.005-05:00

I've been in one of those vicious cycles where I keep thinking of things to write about, then I don't, so I feel like there is more that I have to write about so the task becomes overwhelming so I don't do it, and then there is more stuff to write about so it's more overwhelming... know what I mean?

Anyway, I've realized that it's just a blog. About nothing but me. So I can relax a bit. Speaking of the "about nothing but me" part - I feel like I owe you (the great collective "you" that is out there reading this) an apology/explanation: This blog is completely, totally self-centered. That feels very self-absorbed of me. But I really only started it as away for me to have like a journal of my experiences after WLS. Of course, now I write about other things in my life as well. And I'm glad that so many of my friends read it :) But that's why it's only ever about me. Sorry about that.

I can't believe I'm doing this on this very public internet, but here it is. My "before" picture (I could have at least fixed myself up a little don't you think?) and my "I've lost 100 pounds" picture. I've been taking pictures all along (definitely something I would encourage you to do, by the way, if you are considering or have had the surgery) (or are losing weight another way), but always considered them very private. But for some reason I'm feeling brave enough to show them to you tonight. So here they are:

Can you tell which is the before and which is the after? ;) (I'm kidding, of course. Even I can see the difference there). I've been doing these with the self-timer on my camera and they haven't been coming out great. My friend Laura took the most recent one last night, though, and I think I'm going to get her to do them all from now on because I'm pretty sure I look skinnier in that picture than I do in real life :)

The greatest time of the year is upon us, people. That's right - CAROLINA BASKETBALL SEASON HAS STARTED!!!!!!!! My Heels opened up their season with a 15-point win over Penn yesterday which I, much to my everlasting consternation, did not get to see. I realize that a 15-point win over Penn is not very impressive. Especially for a team that is ranked unanimously #1 by everyone who does these things and is bombarded by talk of the "undefeated season". (I hate that talk, by the way. Absolutely, positively, hate it. I'm going on record right now as saying that I won't be completely devastated if we lose an early season game - before conference play starts of course - just to shut that up. ) But our injury list reads like a top-1o team all on its own. Hopefully we should get most of our major players back soon. Next up - Kentucky on Tuesday night in a game I actually get to see!!!! Kentucky is obviously a pretty major game. Don't let the fact that they lost to VMI at home fool you. Even though that's horrifyingly embarrassing, this is Kentucky. Luckily they will have my excellent from-home coaching to help guide them through.

I had a fun weekend celebrating my BFF's 30th. Happy Birthday Julie!!!!!

Her dad told me this weekend that I seemed different. I pointed out that I had lost 100 pounds :) He said no, my personality seemed different. He thought that I had become more confident and extroverted without so much extra weight. I don't know if he's right, but I've been thinking about it. I did just post a pretty embarrassing picture here...

What I really, really wanted to post was the video I made of my super-awesome kids at our dance party on Friday. Those kids are hysterical. But I've tried all weekend and can't get the video to upload. I did get it uploaded to my Facebook page, though, so click here to see it.

Ok, I have been lazying away my Sunday afternoon (which is what they are good for) but since I don't have any lesson plans done for this week I guess I better get on that!

The image in my head

2008-11-12T21:39:00.002-05:00

So this is how I motivate myself to keep going on this whole weight-loss thing: I imagine that there is a skinny girl inside me. I'm eating right to get her out. But I'm exercising so that when she gets out she's already fit and toned and ready to go. Every time I'm exercising and I'm exhausted I think "Come on, skinny girl. Get stronger now so you can bust out!" I know. Crazy talk.

Something else new and amazing today - I swear I find something exciting every day. I finally went swimming again. I ALWAYS swim over to the ladder to get out because I'm not strong enough to pull myself up out on the side. I've tried once or twice and it's embarrassing. I figured it was a combination of weak arms and a lot of weight to pull up. Well, today I decided to try it while no one was around. I like flew out of the pool! It wasn't even hard! Amazing.

One of my cousins posted her pictures from the reunion and I swear when I see myself I just look like a fat girl. Which makes me think - if I look so much better than I did before, but I still look like a fat girl......wow. Anyway, there's my Debby-Downer moment of the night.

I have got to go get some things done so I can go to SLEEP! This is the latest I've been up all week. Somehow I just have such a hard time pulling myself away from the computer...

Oh, one more thing. We have a new kid coming to school tomorrow who was at our school last year but left. This is the buzz all around school (if you've never experienced a teacher gossip mill, you've missed out on one of the great wonders of the world) b/c apparently it's a really difficult child. So one of my fifth grade STUDENTS is telling me today that he's coming back and she shakes her head, pats my arm, and says "Good luck with that."

Family Reunion!

2008-11-10T20:59:00.004-05:00

We had a Clark (my mom's dad's family) reunion this past weekend down at Sunset Beach. We had a great time at the reunion, although it did make me miss my Grandaddy something fierce. He died 3 years ago, less than a year after our last reunion. His brother and sister look so much like him! Here are a few snapshots to give you an idea of how it went:

Unfortunately, on the ride back home, this is how it went:

Yes, that was my mom's car. But she and my grandmother (who was riding with her) are ok. God was very, very good to us that day.

I have been very blessed with a wonderful family who I love more than I can say. I know that not everyone is as fortunate as I am. You know what else I love though? Sleep. I desperately need some and I'm going there now.

Oh, Coach K....

2008-11-06T15:41:00.002-05:00

you just make it so easy for us to hate you! Seriously, this man is an idiot. Check out this story.
Better yet, check out what one of my favorite UNC bloggers had to say about it.

In case you don't read it, good ole Coach K threw a little hissy fit because there were empty seats in Cameron. For the exhibition game last night. The exhibition game. Against Lenoir-Rhyne. Yeah, right there's a quality coach for ya.

Where is my watch?

2008-11-06T06:17:00.004-05:00

I just spent several minutes trying to find my watch. It wasn't in the dish on my dresser where I usually put it. I was going through my whole day yesterday, just a little panicked b/c I go crazy without my watch on, "I wore it "running", but then I probably just took it off in the bathroom before I took shower. But I know I had it on at Kid's Club last night because I looked at it 74 times. So why would I have taken it off anywhere other than my dresser last night? Maybe by the computer or in the bathroom... My watch CANNOT be lost. I'll go stark wild. Why is my house such a mess? I'll never find it. What am I going to do?...." and on and on. Mind you, while this is going through my head I have not budged from my spot staring at the top of my dresser to look for it or anything. That's when I spotted it. On my wrist.

I've gone a little crazy about this whole 100-pound thing. I did post it on my Facebook status, which seems a little crazy to me in and of itself :). I'm about to the point where I stop complete strangers on the street to tell them I've lost 100 pounds. Somebody stop me please!

Yesterday I set yet another how-far-I-can-"jog"-without-stopping-to-walk record. 2 miles! I only had about 30 minutes, so I "jogged" the whole time, except for a quick warm up and cool down.

Yesterday, we had this conversation in one of my 3rd grade classes:

Quavell: "If I say a bad word, and then tell my momma I didn't say it, then put my hand on a Bible and swear to God I didn't say it, then God will stripe me."
La'Nasia: "Yeah, God will stripe you for sure"

And in my 5th grade class, the conversation went something like this (although I can't remember who said what):

"Michael Vick is in jail. He's having a good time."
"Yeah, he's having fun. He gets to go outside all the time."
"He gets to play jail-ball. They can like knock each other over and stuff."
Ms. Nash intervenes: "You guys, jail is NOT fun. I'm sure that Michael Vick is not enjoying his time there. It is not a place you want to go."
"Yes, it is. You get to go outside more than we do at school."
"I know it's fun. My uncle went there. He's a felon."

I'll say this for my job - it's never dull :)

Random deep thought I had in the car the other day:
Is having a full schedule the same thing as having a full life?

Have a great Thursday everyone!

Shhhhh.....

2008-11-05T05:54:00.002-05:00

I'm scared to say it out loud, because I'm afraid it's not really true. I'm going to have to whisper it.

I've lost 100 pounds.

I'm excited and at the same time trying to rein it in because I still have a long ways to go. Of course, my brain just keeps telling me - "Yeah, well good for you. I can't believe you even let yourself get into a situation where you had 100 pounds to lose and you still have 60 to go. " Although there's another, albeit smaller, piece of my brain that wants to walk up to everyone I see and say "Hi. I'm Sarah. I've lost 100 pounds." Especially if it means we can have a conversation that does not revolve around elections or politics.

My scale is broken.

2008-11-03T06:30:00.001-05:00

Yeah, let's go with that.

Now if I could only find an excuse for why my face is breaking out like a teenager the day before prom...

Going to Jesus with all of my mess!

2008-11-01T21:20:00.002-04:00

I went to a women's seminar at my church this morning. It was great, about how God talks to us and we talk to him. Something that one of the speakers said reminded me of something that I've been hearing a lot lately - like in Steve's sermon series on Lazarus and other places I think. I don't know if people really are talking about it a lot or if I'm just hearing it b/c it's something God knows I need to work on. Anyway.

Over and over in the Bible we see people coming to Jesus - actually physically talking to him, face-to-face which we don't get to do yet - in their brokenness and failures. They don't get themselves together and then go to him. They go to him and accuse him (Martha - "If you had been here, he wouldn't have died"), doubt him (the disciples saying they won't be able to feed the 5,000), in ambivalence ("Where else do we have to go?") and in pride ("Which one of us is your favorite?"). Obviously, I'm not pulling out the real references here. I probably could, but it would take me a long time - I'm not that good at my theology :) There are many more examples, and Jesus always responds to them in kindness and love, not harshly.

This is something I seriously need to work on. I tend to think, "No, I can't talk to God about this sin in my life. It's too bad." or "I've done this too many times. I can't ask God to forgive me again. I'm too embarassed." Um, hello Sarah? He knows anyway. Our speaker today talked about going to him even to say "I don't feel like talking to you today. I'm tired of you and angry at you." There is real power in saying things out loud. In talking to God and not just to ourselves. She talked about the difference between a monologue in our head - which gets us nowhere - and an actual dialogue with God. She suggested actually praying out loud to keep from slipping into that monologue.

One of the things I loved about both of the speakers today was how consistently they wove Scripture throughout their talks, as well as quotes from other theologians. They were very, very knowledgeable and great speakers. One of the quotes that spoke to me the most was from a man named Francoise Fenelon (I hadn't heard of him either) and it was about how we should speak to God, honestly telling him everything that is in our heart. It's a long quote, so I won't post it all, but it ends like this:

"...tell him without hesitation everything that comes into your head, with the simplicity and familiarity of a little child sitting on its mother's knee."

What a great, great God we serve, who seeks us out to talk to us and listen to us. No matter how broken we are.

Happy Halloween!

2008-11-01T21:18:00.003-04:00

I dressed up as a math teacher. Get it? Cause I'm really a reading teacher? Here are some better costumes:

ROAR!

Why do people keep picking on me? And pulling my ears?

FInding clothes that fit.

2008-10-30T16:03:00.003-04:00

*UGH*

Here are some clothing fit issues I'm having - I knew y'all wanted to hear about them:

** You know how there are some people that look like a caricature of a person. Like from the chest up and the thighs down they are of normal size but then they have an enormous stomach and butt? No? You don't know those people? Come visit me, my friend, and you will... I can tell that I've lost some weight in my boobs and face. Mostly the boobs. (I don't know about my legs, b/c I don't have a full length mirror. Because I'm super together and organized), but my stomach and butt are still enormous. It's NOT a good look.

** I don't know what size underwear to buy. In the past, this has been my underwear-buying philosophy: Go to Wal Mart. Find the multi-pack bags of underwear. Find the cheapest one. Buy the biggest size they have. Now I can still wear my underwear, but it's getting kind of baggy and I don't have any idea how to figure out what size to buy next.

** I put one some Goodwill jeans today (I have like 4 pairs of those) and they fit me perfectly - except for the left calf. I'm serious. Everywhere is perfect, but the left calf is tight. Only the left one.

** I would like to say hello to..... my neck! I just saw it in the mirror. Who knew I had one under all those chins?

Gratuitous pictures of my faves:

"Hmmmm...Bullet told me these things tasted like strawberries....wonder what kind of strawberries HE'S been eating?"

"Aunt Sarah thought if she took my Binky away she could get a cuter picture of me in my manly outfit. I'll show her!"

Ouch!

2008-10-29T17:28:00.000-04:00

So right now I’m at school. I can’t actually post this because blogspot is one of the millions upon trillions of fun sites that are blocked by my lovely employer, Henrico Co. Let me tell you how much I love that. None.

Last night I got on here to write my Last Will and Testament, but decided I was too tired so you guys could just fight over my stuff. Luckily for y’all, I was able to get out of bed this morning after all. I took Body Pump for the third time last night. I’ve been trying to figure out how much weight I should use – and I think I overdid it a bit. A bit. By the end, every muscle in my body was trembling uncontrollably. But I just kept thinking to myself – “No sagging skin! I will not have saggy skin!” so this better work. Surprisingly enough, I was able to get up this morning relatively pain-free. I’ve been a little sore, but nothing like when I first worked out with Sgt. Bryan and could hardly move!

So here’s a tidbit about me – I’M COLD!!!!! No matter where I am when you’re reading this, I’m probably cold. Ever since the weather started to get colder, I cannot warm up. I’ve read about other people with this surgery and I think it’s not so much the loss of weight as it is my body reacting to all the crazy changes and spewing hormones everywhere. I hear the first winter is really cold, but it gets better. Here’s to hoping!

Back from a happy weekend :)

2008-10-27T22:45:00.006-04:00

I haven't posted for a few days because I've been off hanging with some of my favorite people in the world - my parents, my sister, and these cuties:

If you haven't checked out my sister's blog yet, you should. Because she's awesome.

I never remember to bring a book home to Lynchburg so I always end up picking up some book I've read before to re-read. I always have to have a book to read when I go to bed - I don't when I'm at home, but when I'm at my parent's I do. I know, it's odd. But so am I. So this weekend I picked up Frank Peretti's This Present Darkness. I have read that book so many times and it gives me chills every time. I'm usually not into science-fictiony kind of things, but I LOVE this book. It always makes me feel like I should be praying all the time. It's one of those books that's stuck with me over time, and it comes to mind often to remind me to "pray without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17).

Still working on this going to bed early thing...not happening so much tonight.

OH! Thanks to Beth and Laura for letting me know what was wrong with my laundry. I feel better knowing that other people have had it happen. A little dumber for not being able to figure it out on my own ;), but hey - I'll know what to do next time, right?

30 3/4

2008-10-23T22:35:00.002-04:00

Today is my birthday. I'm turning 30 & 3/4. What's that you say? You don't celebrate that? I celebrate my birthday on the 23rd of every month. Unfortunately, the rest of the world hasn't caught on so it continues to be a private little celebration in my head.

30 & 3/4 is a scary, scary number....really close to 31......

Sometimes my laundry comes out of the washing machine literally dripping wet. (Load #5 of the 7 came out that way today) (The 7 loads are that pile of clothes I'm getting rid of. Come on, I'm bad but not THAT bad) Anyone know what causes this?

You know, some people just really get on my nerves.

I'm super tired so I'm going to sleep now - Night!

(you're wondering if you're the one who irritated me today, aren't you? HA)

Don't say I never gave you anything...

2008-10-22T21:01:00.001-04:00

That's me inside the Clifford suit. Totally exciting, huh?

Fall Cleaning!

2008-10-20T21:58:00.004-04:00

I spent yesterday cleaning out my closet. Here are all my "fat clothes" that are too big for me and have to be gotten rid of:

(and that's my fat cat Christine. She's wondering what she's going to wear when all the fat clothes are gone. Don't worry yet, cat. There are still many fat clothes to come) (Don't let her innocent look fool you) (Does anyone want to adopt her? And her brother? They're great cats. Really.)

Also, here's a picture of me in my favorite outfit from last winter, when I was so big I was just trying to hide in my clothes:

I know, my hair - and the expression on my face - is super attractive here but look past that, ok? Looking at the picture the clothes don't look that big, but trust me. They're really too big. I tried to take one of those holding-out-the-fat-pants-to-show-how-much-bigger-you-used-to-be pictures, and I can hold them out a lot - they really don't stay up by themselves - but I'm still too fat to post it on the internet. Someday!

On Friday, I was working with some of my kids when some men in suits wandered by in the hall. One of my most quotable kids asked me what they were doing and I told her I didn't know. She said, "They must be going to church after this!"

Clifford!

2008-10-18T10:29:00.002-04:00

In the WLS community, people often refer to "wow moments" - when you realize how your weight loss has affected your life. I tend to think it's cheesy, naturally b/c I'm cynical like that, but I had one yesterday.

For our Book Fair/Community Day pep rally, our librarian asked me to wear the Clifford costume. For most of you out there who have always fit into the one-size-fits-all-category, this probably doesn't even seem like a big deal. But I've always had this secret fear of someone not realizing that I was fat (um, how does that happen exactly?), asking me to do it, and me not being able to fit in it. Because I wouldn't. So when she asked me I was shocked that she considered me normal-enough sized to be able to do it. That was exciting moment #1. #2 came when it actually fit. And #3 came when the kids couldn't guess who I was - I guess all the fat didn't show through as much as I thought it would. I had a great time being Clifford, by the way :)

The joys of teaching elementary school...

2008-10-15T16:46:00.002-04:00

Today I went to school looking like this:

Yeah. It was Wacky Hair Wednesday! I love Spirit Week. I totally forgot Mismatch Monday, even though I had an awesome outfit. But yesterday was team Tuesday and I did it right - unfortunately, I don't have any UNC pants so I wore some white cropped pants (thanks, K-K!) with UNC socks and shiny Carolina blue clogs, which is a nice look. I also had on a UNC t-shirt, jacket, earrings, hair ribbon, and hair clips. Oh, and my lanyard that I carry my ID and key on is UNC. And I carried a UNC mug. It rocked. Tomorrow is Thinking Cap Thursday (hat day - not so exciting, but I'll bust out a UNC hat), and then is Flannel Friday - pajama day.

This afternoon as I'm walking down the hall I see one of my third graders swinging her arms wildly back and forth above her head. I asked her why she was swinging her arms and she answered:

"I don't got no underwear"

Hmmmm. I decided it was best to leave that one alone.

This afternoon I went for a "run", not realizing that it is HOT AS ANYTHING out there. I mean, really hot. I got so hot I got chills. I literally had goosebumps all up and down my arms. But I did 4 miles. Which is 5 laps around my trail. The first 4 laps I did more "running" than walking - a good bit more, actually - but the last lap I just walked. I considered it my cool down lap. It took me about 50-55 minutes. Something miraculous has happened since I've started working out more - the trail has gotten shorter. I'm pretty sure it has. It used to be all I could do to do 2 laps - and it took me my full 40 minute workout. So the trail must be getting shorter!

Ok, I'm taking a survey here. This is something that I've been thinking about a lot lately. I know, it's whacked out and strange but these are the things that go through my head. And this is my blog, where I write things that go through my head. I'm down about 90 pounds right now (since March when I started boot camp), which means naturally I'm thinking about hitting that 100-pound loss mark. My goal is to hit it before my family reunion Nov. 7. Of course, I've been stuck at the same weight for almost a week now, so I may never get there and this may be a moo point. (you know - a moo point. It's like a cow's opinion. It doesn't matter.) (Thanks, Joey!) Back to my question - when I hit 100 pounds lost, do I post that information in my Facebook status? Because it's exciting. But do I want to admit that I had 100 pounds to lose - and I'm still fat? Of course, people knew because - well, they could see me. Still. I know, this is one of those major dilemmas that world leaders lose sleep over.

I best go get in the shower b/c I smell BAD and I am going to teach Kid's Club at church tonight. Call me sometime!

Some thoughts from the head of me!

2008-10-14T20:25:00.005-04:00

I love the re-usable grocery bag trend. They hold more and are easier to carry. (And, sure, I'm happy about the environmental goodness thing - whatever. Even though my mom was one of the first people to warn us about global warming and the loss of rainforests. Just ask her)

Actually, my friend Beth gave away pretty red bags as favors at her wedding last weekend. She was a BEAUTIFUL bride with a beautiful wedding. And, to make it all about me - I didn't even feel jealous at this one. Usually weddings are hard for me because of my lack of even the hope of one. Let's be honest - just being around married people is always hard for me. So I push past it and look hard for my happiness for them. And I find it and have a good time enjoying being with them. But this weekend I was just happy for Beth and enjoying being there with good friends to celebrate.

the happy couple

the cake

me and my BFF Julie

The Game Club crew! (see how cute pregnant Julie is?)

I met with my nut, Pam, again today. She was pleased with how I've been doing and even said that she thought she was too hard on me last time. (She wasn't, by the way - I needed to hear it. I honestly had thought I was doing ok but I wasn't) She gave me a lot of new helpful suggestions. *note here - none of these suggestions were for foods that I hate followed by "just try it". This was my old nut's way. This is why I no longer see her* She's very sweet and non-judgemental, which makes it easier for me to be as honest with her as I can, which makes it easier for her to help me. So it's good all around. I told her today that I worried that I never hear from anyone else who is not completely in love with their WLS. I tend to be pretty honest about admitting my doubts and frustrations about my surgery. And she told me that there are other people who feel that way, they just don't go to support groups and follow up appointments like I do. So that made me feel good. I'm going to keep fighting for this!

I'm still so tired it's almost dangerous for me to drive, but I went to bed earlier last night and I'm headed that way tonight as well. I need to give this "getting enough sleep" thing a legitimate shot. ;)

Today as he was leaving, one of my third graders had a ratty piece of notebook paper taped around his arm. I asked him (jokingly) if he broke his arm. He said, "Nah, I'm the QB in football at daycare" I cracked up. There were things written on the paper. I didn't look closely, but I'm assuming they were football plays. (For those of you not in the know - football quarterbacks often wear a playbook on their arm for calling plays)

I'll leave you tonight with a thought from Sunday's sermon. Steve's series on Jesus raising Lazarus is still going on, and this week was on Martha running to meet him. His focus was on how Mary was mixed-up and wrong in a lot of her thinking, but she took her disappointments straight to Christ and that was the right response. He said that we should do the same thing, too - we don't have to get ourselves straight before going to Jesus. We can go to him as messed up as we are. In the passage, Martha is comforted yet Jesus has not yet raised Lazarus from the dead. Here's what Steve had to say about that:

"Jesus comforts not by relieving pain, but by revealing who he is"

A Busy Weekend

2008-10-13T06:23:00.004-04:00

I had a great weekend this weekend, keeping pretty busy. Friday night I went to a high school football game with some girls with my church, which was really fun. It was a perfect night for a football game! I spent Saturday in Harrisonburg at my friend Beth's wedding, which was gorgeous and perfect. Then we went to the Book Fair on the way home, and I got lots of awesome books! (I will skip over the part of Sat. where we went out to dinner - that was not something that needs to be relived) Sunday I went to church, then met up at the Purdy's (one of the pastors at West End - the one who leads the Young Adult class) for a post-retreat lunch/debrief/get-together. I crashed on the sofa for a while, then went out to my small group. I actually learned a lot and will post some of that at some point. Oh, and then upon leaving - I drove my car into the ditch at the end of the driveway and had to call a 12-year old tow truck driver to come get me out. Oh, well. No harm, no foul right? In truth, there's a lot to say about the whole weekend but it could get pretty long and tedious ;)

A big part of me feels like I'm just moving to Richmond - in a new job, finally getting actually involved in church, etc. I'm meeting a lot of new people and I'm really excited about that.

I've been doing much better these past 2 weeks with my food choices and I hope when I go back to see Pam (my nutritionist) tomorrow that she'll be pleased. I know the weight has been coming off faster, although the last few days it's slowed down again some. I'm working on being ok with that :)

My big complaint at the moment is that I'm SOOOO tired. All the time. I just can't seem to shake it. I feel asleep at my desk on Wednesday and I feel like I crash every chance I get. I don't know if I'm a little sick, if I'm not getting enough sleep, or if I'm missing some vitamin or something that I need. I don't want to jump to conclusions or be paranoid about it, but I'm tempted to call Dr. Elliot and ask him to go ahead and do my bloodwork just to check. He said he would do it at 6 months, which would be January. Maybe this week I'll just focus on getting to bed early and see if that helps.

Let me mention, also, how irritated I am that the temps are supposed to get up into the 80s this week. Fall was supposed to be here,people!

Ok, I need to get off to school. Toodles!

In case you wondered...

2008-10-09T22:24:00.002-04:00

I keep meaning to post this. WLS stands for "Weight Loss Surgery", just in case you didn't know. I refer to anything to do with my surgery that way b/c it's quicker.

Shopping!

2008-10-09T22:06:00.003-04:00

So a good friend is getting married this weekend (and let me add how THRILLED I am for her!!!!!!!!!!!!) and I decided that this was my chance to actually get some new clothes. As I'm losing the weight, I'm trying not to shop too much because (theoretically, at least) I'm losing so quickly that I can't wear the clothes for very long. I need new clothes, of course, so I've been shopping places like Goodwill, Wal-Mart, and my sister's closet.

So my BFF and I hit the mall on Wed. in search of the perfect cute new dress. She, naturally, found 3. She's pregnant and it was so much fun shopping for cute little maternity dresses with her! I can't wait to meet the baby, of course (due on my birthday, as all cool kids are) but for now it's fun watching her be pregnant. Anyway. I didn't have much luck. For one thing, it's hard to know what size to get. Obviously, I just have to keep trying things on and different dresses the sizes run differently but still it's confusing. It's a totally new experience for me, though, to be able to say "This is too big. I need a smaller one." I've always worn whatever the biggest size was. Seriously. One time I was in a friend's wedding and just told her to order the biggest size bridesmaid's dress they had. I think this freaked her out, but I was right. It fit.

Ok, too many tangents tonight.

I'm going to cut this story short and tell you that, after much work and heartache, I have found a new dress! This is more exciting to me than it probably is to the average person. For one thing, it was super on sale at Dillard's and I got it for $16! (The only other one that I had found was $90 and I just couldn't go there) Another thing....it's a size 16. Seriously. Let me put this in perspective for you - before surgery, I was a tight 24. When I bought the dress today, the pants I was wearing were a 22. I'll admit they're a little big. But I was thinking I was just barely into a 20. Now, let's be fair. I won't fit into a 16 in pretty much anything else. This dress just happened to run big or something. Still it's exciting to me. (Normally I do not discuss my clothing size. Ever. But I got over it because it's an exciting part of documenting this process for me.) Here's a fuzzy-because-I-used-the-self-timer-and-I'm-having-issues-with-that picture of the dress:

Oh, and here's a kid quote for you from Kid's Club at church this week:
We were discussing standing up for people and one kid was telling us how if a man pointed a gun at his friend he would stand up to him (not to worry - we steered away from this) and another boy chimed in and said,

"I would kick him in...in the bad place"
First kid, "Dude! You can't say that in church!"

Wish I had more exciting things to post, but the search for the dress has pretty much consumed my last few days. This weekend, after the wedding in Harrisonburg, we're going to hit the Green Valley Book Fair. If you've never been there, it's a must-go. And if you're going, it's a must-call-Sarah-and-invite-her situation.

Reasons I Love Fall

2008-10-07T21:26:00.004-04:00

Jeans and a t-shirt, maybe a fleece at night
The leaves, of course
Fairs and festivals
Settling into a new school year
FOOTBALL!!!!!
Basketball is coming soon....
Anticipation of the holiday season
When it gets dark earlier, I feel like I'm staying up later and am therefore cooler
Sleeping with the windows open
Running in the cool late afternoons (ok, that was just today. And it wasn't technically "running" so much...)
I'm used to what year it is, so I usually write it correctly
New seasons of TV shows - excepting USA shows, which are the best ones, which have different types of seasons
Fall candles smell yummy
Busting out the striped socks and clogs
Have I mentioned jeans?
No more awkward "supposed-to-wear-a-bathing-suit" situations
Not having to rake leaves makes me grateful for another year of non-home-ownership
Pre-season basketball magazines come out
No longer expected to eat things like "fruit salad"
Thanksgiving
Ok, ok. Halloween, too
Julie's birthday when she finally catches up with the rest of us
Jeans
Starting to think about Christmas gifts
Hunting season means getting rid of a few of those pesky deer (sorry, Laura)
Snakes head back underground where they belong
Perfect weather
Changing clothes means a whole new wardrobe
Corn mazes
Wearing cuddly pajamas
Jeans

Feel free to add your own...

A Blog to Check Out

2008-10-06T23:09:00.002-04:00

I stumbled upon this gem today:

Stuff Christians Like

and you need to check it out. Even if you're not into Christianity. This guy is awesomely hysterical. Of course, some of it may be funnier if you have a lot of church experience, but still. How many Christian bloggers do you know who routinely use the term metrosexual?

If I had aspirations of being a real blogger ( as opposed to a my-blog-is-a-journal-that-everyone-can-read blogger), this is just what I would want it to be like.

Great Beach Retreat

2008-10-05T21:28:00.002-04:00

Wow - it's been almost a week since I've posted. Busy life, I guess :) Which is good in the sense that maybe I'm living a real life instead of an online one... Anyway.

This weekend I went to Corolla (in NC's Outer Banks) for a retreat with the Young Adults from my church. I've decided to process my thoughts about the weekend in a few categories, as follows, because I am just nerdy that way :):

Teaching - Matt Purdy is one of the pastors at West End and he leads the Young Adult group. He led 3 sessions this weekend on "The Enemy Within", talking about sin. The sessions were on knowing our sin, Jesus conquering our sin, and acting out the fact that Jesus has conquered it. I thought they were great sessions (not too long - Thanks, Matt! - since I don't sit well for extended periods of time) and very thought-provoking. Being at the beach on a church retreat tends to make you think deep thoughts. I walked on the beach by myself Sat. morning and found myself seeing lessons from God in everything. For instance - I was picking up shells to take back b/c some of my students asked for them. The best shells I found were at the top of the beach,yet I kept walking down in the water because that's where I wanted to be. Which is so like I am with God - he has good things for me in one place, but I insist on walking in my own place. Because he's so good, I can still find good things - but not the best that he has for me. This is a major theme of my life, one that I am constantly working on.

Friends/Fellowship - This is a really great group of people, around my age, and I really liked getting to know them better. They're fun and it was exciting to me to spend so much time hanging out with Christians where theology is discussed as readily and easily as our favorite sports teams (both got much attention this weekend). I often have a hard time feeling included - it's hard being a little bit of an outsider and trying to make new friends and I'm not very good at it. I tend to either go very quiet and retreat back or go overboard in being loud and crazy. There were a few times this weekend where I felt that keenly. But for the most part the group was very kind and gracious in including me and making me feel a part of things. (For the record, and this is another topic altogether, let me state that this is not entirely "the group"'s responsibility. I have a big part in this, which I struggle with and is a subject for another day) I stayed up until 2 a.m. both nights, which is very unlike me. But one night I stayed up b/c I was playing poker - and I won! Awesome. I did come home - and this seems a little sad - and friend request approximately a zillion people on Facebook from the weekend :)

WLS - related - I haven't posted about my meeting with Pam, the nutritionist, last Tuesday. But we're talking about changing a lot of things about the way I eat and I've been working pretty hard at it. I did pretty well this weekend. I took some things to eat/drink, but tried not to make a big deal out of it. I told some people about the surgery when it came up, but not everyone. I really don't mind talking about it, but I don't want people to feel like they have to listen to me go on about it, know what I mean? Sat. afternoon I did get sick and that was pretty miserable - especially since all of the bathrooms were occupied by people showering after an afternoon at the beach.

All in all, a great time. There is a lot more that I could say, but this post is already too long and I need to be in bed. Going back to school is going to be tough tomorrow! I forgot my camera, so I don't have any pictures, but I'm hoping that some of the other people who went will share theirs with me. Happy first week of October everyone!

3 month follow-up

2008-09-29T20:19:00.004-04:00

Today, amazingly enough, I actually got to pull and work with my Title 1 kids!! Woo-Hoo! It's almost like I'm a real teacher :) Although, you definitely do not want to get me started on how frustrating it is to have to work with my group in the regular classroom. I can't focus on what we're doing - how can I expect the kids to? And forget little, unimportant things like hearing sounds in words. But anyway. All of my beginning of the year paperwork is due tomorrow so hopefully we're about to get into a somewhat normal schedule and I'm looking forward to that. Although it means me planning, which is not exactly a strength of mine. It's a weakness, in fact. :)

I also went for my 3 month follow-up appointment today. I had lost 17 pounds since my last appointment a month ago, bringing my total lost to 81 pounds. I, as usual, was frustrated with that but my dr. was pleased. He said that starting month 3 (which this past one was for me), bypass patients should lose 15-20 pounds a month. This is not fast enough to satisfy me! Of course, I think I'm starting to feel about losing weight the way that one of the Rockefellers did about money. Someone asked him once how much money was enough and he answered (quite cleverly, I thought), "Just a little bit more" So I need to watch that I don't drive myself crazy over this. I have a family reunion at the beginning of November though, and I really want to have lost 100 pounds by then. It's 6 weeks away so that's a fairly realistic goal, but I'm definitely going to have to work on it. Although to be honest with you, most of my family there probably won't even notice I've lost weight. A lot of them are 2nd cousins and such and at the last family reunion I was actually at my lowest weight with Weight Watchers, and I should be right around that weight again. Which means, yes, in the last 5 years I have gained and lost 100 pounds. How scary is that? (well, not quite yet but you see what I'm getting at)

So I took my food journal in to show my dr., even though I really didn't want to. I know that I haven't been making the best food choices and I'm frustrated with myself about it. I exercise, I get in my water, I take my supplements, I eat appropriate portions - I'm just not choosing the best foods. Which was my problem pre-op, too. He acknowledged that but was much nicer than I thought I had a right to expect. He focused a lot on the weight that I've lost and the things that are going well and said, "Well, you can't argue with the weight loss" Not that he let me slide on it - he talked about what I should be doing and tomorrow I see the nut and have to really face the music there. She's very nice, too. I don't know why it is that I have so much trouble with this. It seems so easy when we talk about it, but then I drag myself through another day and it's all I can do to get off the couch and eat anything at all. I know all the good things to do - cook ahead, plan meals, only keep healthy things in the house, even just forcing myself to cook something and it's never as big a deal as I make it out to be. I guess I'm just a crazy whack job. But I have come a long way. The choices I'm making now, while not great, are way better than what I was making last year at this time. So I just have to keep working at it. Like Dr. E. said today, I need to develop good habits now b/c in 5 years the surgery won't be helping me so much and it will be up to me to keep the weight off. I know I talk about this a lot - and at length.

Tonight I went and took a Zumba class at the gym! I did this once way back in the spring when I had to wear my heart monitor. I remember that I had such a hard time getting my heart rate down where it was supposed to be - the class kicked my butt. Tonight I definitely worked, but I didn't die! If you're not familiar with Zumba, then clearly you've been living under a rock. The Zumba craze kind of reminds me of the Tae-Bo craze 10 years ago. (I bought into that one, too - I had the tapes! Go Billy Blanks!) It's like a dance class with salsa, belly dancing, Latin moves, stuff like that. It's really loud and high energy and fun - and a lot of work. My class tonight had probably 50-75 people crammed into it. That's a lot of people to hide behind, and trust me - there will be someone there less coordinated than you. There was a man in his 50s in our class tonight! But you can't really be shy and do Zumba - and it would probably be better if you had some dance experience. Or some rhythm. So, if you were not me. But as much as I stress about it, no one is there to watch me. I know you find that hard to believe, but I've come to learn it's true. I'll probably go back. Anybody want to Zumba with me? (If you get the chance to take a class with Angela at American Family West End, I highly recommend her)

I couldn't find a video that really looked like what we did - imagine about 10x as many people, not as cute :), not doing it as well, but a lot louder and more excited. (the beginning is boring - skip it)

Good sermon

2008-09-28T18:46:00.003-04:00

Good sermon today - the one I was looking for last week actually :) about waiting. How Jesus waits to answer us because he loves us. In fact, in today's text it said,
"Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when He heard that he was sick, He then stayed two days longer in the place where He was."
which seems counter-intuitive to us, but then again - we're not God. But the quote that most stuck with me was one from a Scottish theologian (McCheyne?) that my pastor has been quoting a lot lately - I think he read a lot of his work on his recent sabbatical.

"For are we not immortal until our work is done?"

Think about it. I'm off to my first home group meeting - I'll let you know how it goes :)

Losing Hair

2008-09-27T22:18:00.004-04:00

My hair is starting to fall out. I was expecting it and terrified of it. But, come to find out - it's not such a big deal. Really. I always heard about it as a side effect of WLS, but people never really seemed too upset about it and I couldn't figure it out. Because it seemed like a big deal to me. But, it's not like I'm going bald or anything. It will just thin out a little bit. Right now, it's not coming out in huge clumps but that may change. Then again, it may not. With all of the changes that I have to put up with as a post-op, this one is actually pretty easy to live with.

Today my Heels beat Miami!!!! In football!!!! And, in what will go down as one of their all-time most embarassing moments ever, UVA lost to Duke. In football. 31-3. Yes, the same Duke that was ranked #1 on the "Most Embarassing Football Programs Of All Time" list. When they play Puke is the only time that I will root for UVA. But here's the upside - even if it does mean Puke winning, it gives me something that I can really, really make fun of UVA for. This is more embarrassing than UNC losing to Weber St. in the opening round of the NCAA tournament during the unfortunate Matt Doherty era. Or that whole 8-20 thing that we don't speak about. Duke has also beaten JMU this year (with 3 wins, they have beaten their win totals from the last 3 seasons combined) (I made that up, but I think it might be true) which means that they have beaten both schools that I have degrees from. Not that I'm a UVA fan. Still.

By the way, if you have a blog that I don't know about, please tell me. Recently some of my friends have finally updated theirs and I was quite pleased :) I'm seriously racking my brain for something interesting to write about here and I'm coming up empty. So it's back to watching Hokies football for me.

Have a great weekend!

Drowning

2008-09-25T22:15:00.004-04:00

No, that title has no deep meanings. Clearly you don't know me very well. It in fact references the fact that it's been raining all day today and is supposed to continue for about 2 more days. If I could just curl up inside and do nothing, I wouldn't mind so much. But this whole "work, responsibility, and being an adult" thing is getting in the way. But I do love listening to it. Here are some gratuitous rain pics for you:

Just a little FYI, my dad and I have co-founded a club. The "Our Life is Sadder and Harder Than Anyone Else's" club, based on the premise that Mom has been hanging out with the two cutest, sweetest babies in the world all week and we haven't.

Not much to report - all of my beginning of the year paperwork is due next week and I'm going a little crazy between trying to figure it all out and the drama that goes along with working with women. (Those of you who work with men or in mixed environments weigh in here - is there a lot of gossiping and "discussing" of others? Or is that because of the estrogen overload?) I swear, this month is dddrrrraaaaggggggiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnngggggggg by.

So it's not so much a kid quote, but I'm not used to kids who are old enough to have a sense of humor and I thought this was funny. I was helping in a 5th grade class the other day and I walked over to help a kid and he told me he was allergic to teachers. A minute later I walked by his desk and he gave this big fake sneeze. I couldn't help it - I laughed. These kids crack me up.

So this weekend is going to be very laid-back, but then I have about a whole month of busy weekends coming up. I'm looking forward to all of the fun stuff I'll be doing, but I'm definitely going to enjoy the opportunity to relax while I can now!

I've been trying to bore myself to sleep and I think it's working now. Nighty night!

Favorite kindergartener quotes

2008-09-23T01:09:00.004-04:00

In the spirit of a "kid quote" feature, I thought I'd share two of my all-time favorite kindergarten quotes. Being a kindergarten teacher is fertile ground for funny kid's quotes. Unfortunately, I've forgotten most of them :( But I'll post them as they come back to me. Then they'll be here. Immortalized. Forever.

My kindergarteners were always quite distressed about my lack of a husband (you and me both, kid) and frequently suggested possible prospects. Unfortunately, their suggestions were usually limited to other students, my co-workers, or the student's fathers. But once one of them suggested that I marry my dad. While trying not to get creeped out by this, I gently explained that you can't marry your dad. His response:
"But my mom married my dad!"
I tried to explain that she did not, however, marry her own dad.

This one came out of the blue. We were standing in the lunch line and sweet Allie Sue says,
"You know, Ms. Nash, I just never trust a boy who wears a necklace"

Living in Bethany

2008-09-21T12:09:00.004-04:00

I was excited about going to church today. Last time I went (two weeks ago - I was in Charleston last week) was my SS class cookout and I had such a good time getting to know people. So I knew that today I would have friends there and be able to chat with people. I got all dressed up in this cute dress I borrowed from my cute sister (black with big white dots - shades of Pretty Woman) and headed off.

Steve Shelby, our pastor, always writes a little letter at the front of the bulletin to help prepare us for the service. He has been preaching lately on the miracles of Jesus, and he is spending a few weeks on the raising of Lazarus from the dead (see John 11:1-43, although today's text was only verses 1-5) Here was today's letter:

Dear Friends,
Do you live in Bethany? What I mean by that is, do you live in a place of suffering and waiting? Have you sent word to Jesus and you are waiting for Him to show?

Does living in Bethany cause you to doubt the love of Jesus for you and others? Imagine the sadness and dismay of Mary and Martha as they waited for Jesus to come and watched their brother sicken and die.

Ultimately Jesus wins and His love is powerfully and gloriously demonstrated but not before there are a lot of tears in Bethany.

Warmly,
Steve

As I read that, I knew that the sermon was going to be directed at me today. Because that letter describes me. Sometimes it seems like I'm missing my life while waiting for it to start - waiting for the weight to come off, to meet a husband, to buy a house. And, yes, I feel sadness and dismay and it can make me doubt Jesus' love. But Lazarus' story has a happy ending. Not as soon as they hoped, but a happy ending nonetheless. So I was eager to hear this sermon about how we suffer through waiting, but ultimately receive a happy ending. I've waited 30 years! So I was sure that the point of today's sermon was to tell me that, in 1 year, 3 months, and 12 days, I will be skinny and living in a house with a wonderful husband.

Normally the sermon is not my favorite part of the service (AH! Sacrilege!) The singing is. I love praise and worship songs. At West End, we sing a lot of praise and worship songs throughout the service. It's one of the things I love about my church.

Here's how church actually went today:

People did not come running up to me begging to be my friend. I know you find this hard to believe, but it's true. I did say hello to one or two people, but left pretty quickly after the service.

The sermon was not about waiting. It was about suffering and how Jesus calls us to suffer. Lazarus' mission was to suffer and die. At no point did he say, "Jesus asks you to suffer but then he fixes it" It was just, "Jesus works through our suffering." Not exactly what I wanted to hear.

I didn't know any of the songs today, and I didn't like them either. The one I did know they sang the verses at about 1/10th the appropriate speed and butchered the chorus. It was more painful than listening to 20 kindergarteners count to 100 one at a time.

Now we come to the point in the story where I tell you the valuable lesson that I learned in all of this. I'm not there yet. Here's what I know:

God's plans are not my plans.

Deep, huh? But that's all I've got. I'm still struggling with being ok with that. I want so badly to have a little sit-down with God and explain to him how much better it would be if I could live my life by my plan. I'm just so sure that I could convince him! It's something I've struggled with for a long, long time. I've prayed about it and read books about it and I can't seem to move on. So there it is. That's how Satan works on me. It's going to take a power stronger than me to overcome him. I love Frank Peretti's book This Present Darkness. If you haven't read it, it's about spiritual warfare in a very concrete way - that there are angels and demons all around us, and the angels protecting us get stronger with prayer. It's an image that I love and that inspires me to pray through my struggles.

I have a new favorite song that goes along with this - Empty Me by Chris Sligh (of American Idol fame). Check it out if you get a chance.

Great.

2008-09-17T22:20:00.004-04:00

A kid at school asked me if I was pregnant today. Awesome.

Tired and Whiny

2008-09-17T22:20:00.003-04:00

One of my mom's favorite sayings is "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". In that vein, maybe I shouldn't even be posting tonight. But I am - because the point of this blog is to be like a diary for me to document my journey.

I'm having a really hard time getting my head around this whole new-way-of-eating thing. Which is frustrating to me b/c I spent a lot of time getting ready for it and knew what I was getting into. Fully. But I get so irritated that I have to think so much about what I have to eat, and I never feel like eating when I should, or then I get really hungry but I don't feel like fixing anything so I just mope around and get grumpier. Then I get frustrated and start chastising myself, which makes me defensive (with myself, naturally, because this is a normal thing) and even more irritable and want to do/eat something I'm not supposed to just to prove that "I can". To myself. (picture Napoleon Dynamite saying "idiot!" here)

To add to that, we had our first Title 1 staff meeting today. The nice thing was that it wasn't until 9, so I got to sleep in. But it was very overwhelming and stressful for me. I feel like every time I start to figure out something I should be doing with this job, I find out I'm doing it wrong and have to start over. I love the job, but I'll like it much better if I ever get it all figured out.

To top it off, I'm just not feeling good. Not sick - nothing that I should actually complain about. Just tired, with frequent feelings of nausea and light-headedness. Plus the whole grumpier-than-Oscar-the-Grouch thing. Maybe I'm PMSing. That would actually be great, because then I would have a reason and know it will be over soon.

To be fair, I had a lot of these same feelings about eating before surgery. But then I would just order a pizza or go to McDonalds to resolve it, and those are not viable options now. Which is good, because that's why I ended up in this position in the first place. But I need to find another way to resolve it. And it has to be one that makes me happy when I'm this irritable, and that's no easy task. As anyone who knows me well knows, once I get into a grumpy-funk pretty much everything just makes it worse. A lot of times, honestly, I just have to take a nap and sleep it off.

Ok, I'm signing off now. Heading to bed so that I can get up tomorrow and try and handle another situation I have no earthly idea how to do - Title 1 parent orientation. Pray for me. Lots. Please.

Be glad you can't see me right now...

2008-09-15T19:21:00.002-04:00

I'm really sweaty and gross. Really gross. I took a picture to show you, then vetoed it as un-bloggable.

I always think that's a great way to start off a post, don't you? More people should do that. Maybe I should lead a blog school.

Anyway, I just got back from using the trail around my apt. complex. And I'm proud to say that I did a jog/walk combo for most of it. I'm not going to say I jogged half of it, but I did do a significant portion which is fairly amazing for me. I literally used to run like 3 steps and feel like I was going to die. If you have never been really fat, you may think that is an exaggeration, but it isn't. I did about 3 miles in 40 minutes, which for those of you keeping track (i.e., me) is an average of about 4.5 miles an hour. When I started out, I was doing about 3 mph. So that's exciting. And encouraging for me because I'm going through a "I can't see the weight loss" phase right now that's pretty discouraging. But I am definitely seeing an improvement in my exercising, which is good motivation for me to keep doing it.

I've been hungry today, which is strange. It's hard for me to know if it's real hunger or just a habit of being hungry in the afternoon after school. Sometimes I don't feel like I eat enough - it almost seems like the weight comes off better when I eat a little more. But most of the time I feel like I eat as much as an average person does. I probably don't, but it seems like it. There was a girl at my school last year who had this surgery (she's not there anymore), and everyone keeps explaining to me how little she ate. Which makes me feel like they think I'm eating more than that and I shouldn't be. Whatever. I'm working on keeping a food journal to take to the doc and the nut this month, so we'll see what they have to say.

On a happier note - baby Brian is AWESOME. He's so incredibly tiny!!!! You forget how little they are when they're first born. I would be carrying Abby and then I would go to pick up Brian and I would almost throw him b/c I wasn't expecting him to be so light :) He's just as sweet as he can be. I mean, basically he sleeps all the time and only wakes up to eat (what a life). Abby's doing pretty well so far with him - she doesn't pay a lot of attention to him. Of course, there have been plenty of people around to pay attention to her so far. I'm anxious to see how she does when her dad goes back to work and it's just her, her mom, and the baby. But she's pretty exceptional, so she'll probably do well.

I had a lot of deep thoughts during the 13 hours I was in the car this weekend, but I'm too tired to post them now. I'll share them with you another day. Time to drag my nasty 'ole self to store...

Kid quote for the day (a new feature of this blog, brought to you by the letter Q)
I had just finished listening a child read a passage about a slave who won her freedom and was asking the comprehension questions. I asked how she showed courage, and he answered:
"She fought the power"

Happy Birthday Sarah!

2008-09-12T05:47:00.004-04:00

Just a shout-out to my friend and former co-worker Sarah who's turning THIRTY today!!!!!! Miss ya and hope you have a great one :)

In other excellent news, I'm leaving straight from work for Charleston today to finally meet my favorite nephew - and since he's been around for 4 whole days now, I should say it's about time.

Little updates :)

2008-09-11T18:27:00.003-04:00

It just occurred to me the other day - when I read other WLS patient's blogs, I always want to know how much weight they're losing. Yet I never post mine. I don't know why. Maybe b/c I already know so I'm not curious :) Anyway, it's not a secret so I thought I'd share. To date, since I started pre-op "boot camp" back in March, I've lost about 75 pounds. It hasn't come off evenly, though. The stats:

Pre-op (3 1/2 months): 27 pounds
1st 2 weeks after surgery: 20 pounds
Next 6 weeks: 17 pounds (yes, this was a very frustrating 6 weeks)
Last 2 weeks: 11 pounds

I think that comes out close to 75. I'm thinking the goal is to average around 5 lb/week. Everyone has different ideas, though.

This was an exciting WLS-related story: I have these pants that I love. They're from Lands End, just elastic-waist, loose, cotton pants. When I'm at home I practically live in them, and I wear them to sleep in a lot (I have two pairs). I've noticed just in the last week or so that they're really getting too big to wear. This morning they literally fell off of me as I was walking from the bathroom to my bedroom. Just fell off. As excited as I am about the lost weight, I'll be a little sad to lose my favorite pants...

I'm such a nerd. Tonight I'm reading Practice with Purpose by Debbie Diller and I'm just so interested and enthralled by it. I love it! I read Literacy Work Stations when I was a K teacher, but it's so much fun to learn about what these bigger kids can do. I can't wait until I get to stop giving QRIs and get to start actually teaching! (Do not get me started on the nonsense that is preventing me from doing that now. I might just scream.) Don't get me wrong - I actually enjoy assessing kids, especially being able to do it like I am not - without having to be teaching the class at the same time. But let me give you this example - one student read me a 591 word passage yesterday. It took him 11 minutes. ELEVEN. MINUTES. To give you a frame of reference here, this entry alone is 583 words. And I have to do this for all 50-some odd 5th graders. Plus the word lists and comprehension questions. So while I don't mind doing it, it's very time consuming. Plus, I've heard the same 4 passages over and over and over again. Anyone want to know about Johnny Appleseed? Lois Lowry? Margaret Mead? I can fill ya in.

Brian came home from the hospital today. When I talked to Mom, she was sitting on the bed, burping Brian reading to Abby who was sitting beside her. Does that sound awesome or what? I was jealous. When I talked to Bruce and asked him how Brian liked his house so far he said, "He thinks it's a great place to sleep in" Apparently Brian isn't doing the awake-time thing so much yet. That's ok, though. And he didn't cry at all when they put him in his car seat. So hopefully this trend will continue and he will be laid-back. My sister deserves one laid-back child :)

Ok, back to the book now! UNC football is on ESPN tonight. That doesn't happen often, so check it out. Go Heels!!!

Fancy Schmancy

2008-09-10T06:21:00.002-04:00

This is what my hair looks like as I'm getting ready to leave for school this morning. It's a new look I'm trying out. Do you like it? Sometimes you have to be a little crazy to teach elementary school. This morning we have to do discipline skits and I have to dress like a kid. Hence the fancy, sparkly hairdo. With the strange little square patch of hair in front. Which I didn't notice before. But don't have time - or energy-to fix now.