2 month follow-up

Let it be stated for the record that I hate commercials.

Today I'm 8 weeks out from surgery and I had my 2 month follow up with Dr. Elliot. He said that I was doing the right things, but agreed that my weight loss was slower than average for a bypass patient. He said, "Just keep it up and the weight will come off" This is what I have to say to him -
*blech*

Rainy, dreary day today reminds me how much I love sleep!

The Good, The Bad, and Today

The Good - 3 of my 7 meetings today got postponed!

The Bad - Meeting #8 was an appointment with Dr. Elliot. I showed up to a dark, locked office. Turns out the appointment is tomorrow. Oops.

The Good - I wore a pair of pants today from my closet that I haven't fit into in a long time!

The Bad - When I got home after a whole day at work, I discovered the hole in the crotch. Nice.

The Good - I am basically finished setting up my classroom, so I took some pictures:


The Bad - I still don't know what to do when I'm in that classroom.

The Good - I got a two hour nap today and then made it to the gym.

The Bad - I was the only one who showed up for the water aerobics class.
Sub-Good - I swam for a while and then took the next class (the hardest water aerobics class I've ever taken) so I got good exercise today.

The Very Good - My good friend Amy had a baby today! It's her second child, and 2nd boy, and he arrived almost a full month early. But everyone is doing well and he's super cute.

The Verdict: Exhausted. (but not as exhausted as Amy)

Wherefore art thou sleep?

So last night I woke up about 3 a.m. and never got back to sleep. yuck. For about 2 hours I tried to get back to sleep and finally I gave up, got my stuff together, and went to the gym. I swam for about an hour, and as I was getting dressed I realized that I had forgotten my little bag with my makeup, jewelry, hairbrush, deodorant, etc. So I had to rush home to get it. But this week they're not really strict about when we get to school, so it wasn't a huge deal.

The first day back with all of the teachers was good. People were very nice, and I'm slowly getting to know the faculty. Very slowly, since I spend most of my time working in my room. But the room is coming along. A lot of the info today was overwhelming - I am on five committees! But that's average for our school. There's just a lot of committees. I'm going to have more meetings than you can imagine...

I was changing the sheets on my bed tonight and I was thinking about how many times in our lives we have to do little mundane tasks like that. And how many more I have to go...

I did get a long nap this afternoon - I tried to resist but I just couldn't help it. So we'll see if sleep goes better tonight!

Another weekend - gone.

I had a nice weekend, although hanging over it the whole time was the thought "School really starts on Monday. School really starts on Monday" (imagine me saying this in a spooky, ghostly voice) We had a bridal shower for my good friend Beth on Saturday. She is marrying this great guy and I'm so, so, so, so happy for them!!!! The shower was fun.

I did finally get back to exercising this weekend (I hadn't since before I left for Charleston - I know, I'm bad) and it felt good. Tonight I also did something that "they" always recommend doing - I made two dishes (taco meat and a made-up meatball bake that who knows how it will taste) and divided them up into individual containers so that I have food ready to go for this week. I also did laundry and even ironed. I think this is the first time I've ironed since I moved to Richmond. Maybe since I left home :) So I'm ready to face this pre-school week!

I still have no idea what my schedule will look like this week, but I'm excited to get to know the faculty at my new school. So far they seem really nice, and I'm very hopeful that it will turn out to be a great experience for me. I feel like God put me there - I sort of stumbled and fell into this job! - so he must want me there. And since his plans are to prosper us and not to harm us....well, if I can just go along with his plan for once in my life it will be great!

My favorite part of church, hands down, is the singing. Especially the praise and worship songs. So today after church I went for a walk and took my iPod to listen to more praise and worship music. As I was walking and reflecting on this whole WLS journey and my new job, I heard this lyric:

In every victory
Let it be said of me,
My source of strength,
My source of hope
Is Christ alone.

And I thought - that's what I want to be able to say. Any time I'm successful. To give credit where it belongs - to Christ. That song (called In Christ Alone), by the way, is sung by Brian Littrell. He was one of the Backstreet Boys who released some Christian albums after the BB split up. Although didn't they get back together? Anyway, he was my favorite BB and I love that song.
So that's all - not really a lot to say, just some rambling thoughts from my brain. I'm going to try and get some sleep now. I love sleep. Don't you?

You know you watch too many detective shows...

I guess I left the top to a pen open at work today so this afternoon I realized my arm looked like this:

(I know, great picture. Sorry about that.) My first thought was "If I was murdered today, I wonder if the cops would spend a lot of time trying to decipher the strange message written on my arm. I hope not, because it would be a wild goose chase."

Hmmmm....Do you think I watch/read too many mysteries?

Going back to work is tough!

Man this summer of milking my surgery recovery :), sure has made me into a lazy fool. These two days back at school have left me exhausted! I had another good day today, getting a lot of stuff done. Isn't it amazing, though, how no matter how much you get done it just makes you realize how much more there is to do? Last night I was in bed by 8, but back up around 12:30 and restless. So tonight I'll try to go to bed at a grown-up time, not a toddler time. ;) (Abby and I went to bed at the same time last night)

I did have an exciting moment this afternoon. As I was unpacking my boxes, I found a few things that belonged back at my old school. So after work today I stopped by there to return them. The three people that I talked to all immediately said, "Wow! You look great!" and noticed my weight loss. Although my good friends and family, who I see regularly, tell me they can tell I've lost weight, I'm still not seeing it. Or feeling it. So it was exciting to feel like yes, my weight loss is actually noticeable. So maybe something really is happening here. Eventually I may even need new clothes. Like when I've lost 100 pounds and go down 1 size. Kidding, of course. At 65 pounds lost, I'm already down 1 size. So probably by the time I get to 100 pounds lost I'll be down 2 sizes.

I can't remember what else I wanted to say tonight - or a picture that I could add. Maybe Monday I'll take a picture of my new classroom for you. Now THAT will be exciting for sure!

More Phil info :)

I got a message from someone who found my blog looking for Phil Stacey info. Which is cool and makes me feel famous :) Anyway, even though I don't know a ton about him, I do have what could be referred to as a "stalkerish" personality. So, just in case there are any others out there like me, I thought I would record all of the details of my brush with "phame". (I know, that was incredibly clever of me, wasn't it? Witty, witty, witty)

I was sitting in my seat, watching the people get on the plane when I saw a guy sitting on the aisle two rows up talking to a guy walking back, shake his hand and say "good to meet you". I assume that the guy in the aisle is going to sit in the empty seat next to him and they're getting to know each other, but he doesn't. For some reason, this interested me and so I continued to watch to see if they were somehow business associates traveling together just meeting, but they didn't speak again. (It never occurred to me that one of them was phamous! - there I go again) So the guy in the aisle moves on, but someone is in his seat. He's super nice about it, saying "I think this is my seat, but I can sit back here - whatever works for you." There's someone else who's mixed up with seat assignments in the row behind them and so they trade "I can sit either place"s for a while until Phil settles into that row and the other guy moves back a row. So he has two seats to himself and proceeds to sleep for the rest of the flight. Near the end of the flight, when the flight attendant sits down next to me to prepare for landing, she tells me who he is. When we land, he gets out is iPhone and makes a call telling someone that he's in Atlanta, and I get in line behind him to get off the plane. While we're standing in the aisle the overhead bin pops open and almost knocks him in the head. (He's tall - I was safe) He gives me a "what the heck?" look and smiles. I say my one line to him - "Did it get you?" So I followed him off the plane, where he met up with two other guys from the plane carrying big guitar cases. They went into the electronics store just past the gate and I quit stalking him and went to catch my next flight. Other than that one guy on the plane, who he was very nice to, I never saw anyone approach him.

So there it is. Full evidence of what a stalker I am, out there for the whole internet world to see!

To Bed, To Bed

Is it incredibly sad that I'm ready to go to bed and it's only 7:00? I think I may just be in bed by 8 tonight. I'm that tired. And it hit me suddenly when I finally sat down tonight.

I had a great first day back to work today. Not the waking up at 6 a.m. part. That part wasn't so great. But I really like my classroom, and I got a TON done. And everyone I met was super friendly. One girl, of course, knows my mom. (Everyone knows my mom) She used to teach with her in Lynchburg. I still don't know squat about what to do when the kids actually come, but I think I'll have a classroom ready for them ;) If I get as much done tomorrow as I did today, my classroom may get done then! I'm not counting on it, though - but it's not as labor-intensive as setting up a kindergarten classroom.

Ok, I'm seriously off to bed now. Thanks for all the notes and calls of encouragement on my first day back ;) I just wanted to report in that it was a good day!

P.S. - No food issues today, either. yay!

Back to Real Life

I was chastised tonight for my lack of recent blog posts. So, I apologize to both of you who read my blog :) I've been in Charleston, visiting some of my faves, which is why I haven't posted. And why I have a lot to say tonight. So watch out. It's going to be a long one!

(I have an incredible, childish urge to put "that's what she said" here. But I won't)
First off, let me note that at the moment I'm listening to "She's Movin' in with Rico" by the Monkees. Circa 1980-something. It's awesome, and if you haven't heard it, definitely check it out. Rico is everybody's hero-o-o-o.

I had an awesome time in Charleston! Most of the time it was just me with Kay, Bruce, and Abby but over the weekend Mom and Dad and my aunt Mary Kay came down as well. Mary Kay and Bruce went to the Bruce Springsteen concert Sat. night. Really sorry I missed that. Not. We had a busy week - we hit the children's museum, the aquarium, the park, and the beach several times. I love that child. I can't tell you how much. She's just so funny and sweet and cute. I realize I'm a bit obsessed :) But she does funny things like pick up a crayon - any color will do except green - run over to her parents, hold it in the air and proudly proclaim (loudly) "GREEN!" When her mom tells her that no, that's blue, she repeats "Blue", then runs back to me, holds it up, and proudly proclaims "GREEN!" She's awesome. She does not do things quietly. And the next time I see her she will have a little brother! My sister, the saint, is going to have her hands full...I wish I could be there to help her.

When I left them today at the airport with Abby screaming "Sarah!" (I choose to feel special because of this, but the truth is she cries when anyone leaves), I cried too. I cry every time I leave my family, even when Abby is not involved. Do you think this means I love my family or that I'm not so thrilled about my life that I'm going back to? I'm not going to think too hard about that one.

On the plane on the way back I sat across the aisle from Phil Stacey! In case you don't know who he is, he was on American Idol a few seasons ago and now he has a song out on country radio. I thought it looked like him, but it never occurred to me that it really was him back in coach with the likes of me. But I was sitting next to the flight attendant, and she told me it was. I didn't talk to him, but he seemed very nice. Here's a pic so you know who he is:

His single on country radio is called "If You Didn't Love Me" I don't really know how to post it here, or I would.


I continue to be frustrated with my weight loss. I'm losing about 2 pounds a week, which is actually pretty good weight loss if I was doing Weight Watchers. However, one of the reasons that I chose this particular surgery is that I'm impatient. And it's a lot harder than WW. So it should be coming off faster. I'm trying not to get too frustrated and be patient, but it's hard. I'm eating real food now, which I love, but it comes with some challenges of its own. While in Charleston, I ate things that I'm allowed to eat, but I didn't make the best choices I could possibly make. Does that make sense? I didn't cheat, per se, but I could have done better. Another hard thing was eating slowly when I was with my family. I got food stuck after a lot of meals, which isn't fun. I actually threw up on the street in Charleston, which was totally embarassing. It just came out of nowhere.

That was yesterday, and food hasn't been sitting very well since. It's weird - I get hungry and then as soon as I get to the point where I'm going to eat, I don't want to eat it at all. Tonight I went over to a friend's house and I ate some chicken - just a little bit of chicken breast on the grill. I've been eating chicken for a long time now! But boy did I pay for it tonight. I was back and forth to the bathroom. I threw up 4 times, which is unheard of for me. I couldn't imagine that there was anything left in there to throw up! I had my papaya pills, and they helped some but it finally just took time. I have no idea why it happened - the only thing I can figure is that the chicken was too dry. (Not an insult to the cook, by the way!) They were cooking with barbeque sauce, and made mine without it b/c of the sugar in bbq. He seasoned it - it tasted good! - but maybe I need to make sure there's something giving it more moisture. Who knows.

Here's a little warning, which is going to contain TMI, so feel free to skip:
After surgery, pay attention to your poop. If you haven't gone for a few days, you're going to want to take some fiber or something. Don't just not pay attention and ignore it. Because eventually, it's going to want to come out. And it's going to hurt.

The other big to-do right now is that I have to go back to school tomorrow! Yes, in 7 hours I have to be waking up to do the going-to-work-during-the-day thing. Usually, I'm ready to go back but this summer I'm not. Part of it is enjoying the summer :) and part of it is not being confident enough with what and when I eat to be gone all day long. But most of it is that I'm completely terrified of my new job. Completely. Terrified. I've been so excited about it - and I am glad that I'm not teaching kindergarten anymore - but all of a sudden it's here and I don't have the first clue about what to do. I don't know anything, and I haven't heard from anyone about what I'm supposed to be doing. I know I need to get my room set up but there are loads and loads of paperwork that I need to learn to do and I need to get organized in a totally different way. Plus I'm not sure exactly what and how to teach. Or how to work with 3rd and 5th graders. I just keep feeling like I should be hearing about meetings or something to teach me how to do this and I haven't. I don't even know what time I'm supposed to be at school tomorrow! *whew* Imagine that all said in one big breath. Because it was typed that way. I've been incredibly cocky about how much I know about teaching reading and all of a sudden I'm realizing that I don't know what I'm talking about after all. Or else I've forgotten it. I was talking to my sister about it the other day and how worried I was that what I did would be boring and the kids wouldn't like me. She said, "Sarah, since when do you care if the kids you teach like you?" And she's right. I never have. Not at all. But now it seems really important. It might be b/c before with the little ones I knew they would like me no matter what since that's how kindergarteners are. Or because I'll only have this kids for short periods of time and I want them to be excited about coming to me. Or because I think they'll learn better and be more excited about reading if I make it fun.

Ok, slooooowwwww down Sarah. Here I go again. I can't even put most of my fears about tomorrow into words, but it may be why my stomach is so upset. I just want to go to bed and stay there. But I can't. So I'll go spend some time praying tonight and a lot more in the morning.

Ok, it's time to end this marathon post. I have to at least attempt to get some sleep tonight. I'll let you know how that goes.....

My Daily Prayer

May the mind of Christ, my Savior,
Live in me from day to day;
By his love and power controlling
All I do and say

May the Word of God dwell richly
In my heart from hour to hour;
So that all may see I triumph
Only through His power.

May the peace of God my Father
Rule my life in everything;
That I may be calm to comfort
Sick and sorrowing.

May the love of Jesus fill me,
As the waters fill the sea;
Him exalting, self abasing,
This is victory.

May His beauty rest upon me
As I seek the lost to win;
And may they forget the channel,
Seeing only Him.

So....

was anyone else wondering why the Russian dude was not wearing a swim cap tonight when everyone else was? And he won and set a new record, so it obviously wasn't holding him back. I think the other swimmers should follow suit because, let's be honest, NO ONE looks attractive with those things on their heads. No one.

The Olympics Begin!

So, obviously, clearly, no duh! - I'm not an athlete. Nowhere close. I don't pretend to be, nor do I play one on TV, film, or radio. The fact that I'm still painfully hobbling around two days after I first went back to weights at the gym is clear evidence of this.

Still.

Michael Phelps swims four times faster than me. Four times. So picture this. Mike and me hit the pool. We dive in. By the time I get to the other side, he's already done two whole laps - up and back, up and back. And he's not even breathing hard. Wow.

Another thing about swimming - you know swimming is way slower than running. Obvi. But even with Olympic-caliber swimmers, the judges or whoever they are just walk alongside the pool beside them.

So my biggest dilemna of these Olympic games - besides how late should I stay up watching them? - is this. And it's a doozie. Can I cheer for the USA basketball team? Obviously, I should. I love basketball. It's my country. The country's all excited about them. But...... then there's that coach. (If you are somehow unaware of who it is, he strongly resembles a rat. His last name starts with a K and has three times as many consonants as vowels. And he coaches a college team that rhymes with Puke) I really, really, really can't stand that man. I could give a whole tirade on why, but I won't. But suffice it to say, it's a whole whole whole whole lot. As much as I want to cheer for the USA, it's going to be soooooooooooo hard for me everytime I see him over there. *sigh*

Last beginning-of-the-Olympic games thought: I love gymnastics. I always wanted to be a gymnast. I loved doing gymnastics and dance when I was little. I think I quit because I got fat. Also, I was lazy. I know when I lose some of this weight, I'm going to take dance classes again. Do you think they offer gymnastics classes for grown-ups?
You can picture me doing this, right? ;)

A Good Day :)

So today - a whole day of feeling normal! Woo-hoo! I ate normal people food and didn't feel nauseous all the time. I'm excited about it, and hoping that it continues. Of course, I got carried away and ate too much at dinner - a whole 1/2 cup! - and that was a mistake. So I'm learning as I go. Tonight's lesson - measure your food. Eat slowly. And STOP. But that's what these first few months are about.

I didn't do as much today as I should, but I did get some things done. I got the mess with my rent sorted out. The management at my complex were actually really great about it. I told them that I had turned in the form and they said "ok" and took the late fee off. Now, they should have obviously because I had done what I was supposed to and they messed up. Still, I've always been happy with everyone who works here. I have this theory about mistakes like that - when I'm the customer. I figure I mess up all the time, so I can't exactly hold it against them. As long as they own up to the mistake and fix it, I don't see any need for me to get angry about it. And I try to do the same when I make a mistake - own up to it and fix it. That's what upset me so much about the Bank of America fiasco. But we're not going back there. Anyway, it did occur to me that I turned in a voided check with my form that is now floating around out there with my account information on it...but I've been watching my account closely and haven't found anything that shouldn't be there.

A long, long time ago (like 2 years) I for some reason bought some classics at Barnes and Noble and have kept them on my shelf ever since, occasionally pulling them down to read. Today I got out Pride and Prejudice to read for the first time ever. I was really enjoying it when I realized that the movie, starring Keira Knightley, was on tv. I turned it on and the movie was at the exact point that I had stopped in the book. Awesome. I loved, loved, loved it! In fact, now I'm watching it for the second time since it came on again.

From here on out, I shall compare every man I meet to Mr. Darcy and speak with this affected 19th century English accent.

Attitude adjustment needed

Ok, I just want you all to know that I KNOW I'm being whiny and pitiful over this whole thing.... I've been reading other WLS patient's blogs (I never know if it's ok to link to them or not? What is the proper etiquette there? If someone has posted their link publicly, is it ok for me to link to it? Or should I check with each individual person? Who knows) and they all seem to have so much more of a "This is hard, but it was a good decision and I'm glad I did it" attitude.

So my goal is to work on that. Know that, despite how unhappy I may feel at any given moment, deep down I know that I prayed about this for something like a year before deciding to have the surgery, and then worked for 6 months pre-op to get ready. So I know it was the right decision for me. But I don't handle pain or discomfort well. And I think my hormones may be raging out of control at the moment and making me crazy.

I came back from Lynchburg tonight after 5 days to find that my rent hasn't been paid (I gave them an automated debit form - this happened last August as well. Frustrating) and that the tickets I bought to go to Charleston next week were both for the same day. Surprisingly, I didn't actually want to fly down to Charleston and leave 30 min. later. So I have now doubled the cost of my tickets in change fees. So you can see why I feel cray.

John 16:33
"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Hello from Lynchburg!

Welcome to August! Which means it's time to think about heading back to school....*ugh* I'm super excited about my new job (Title 1 reading teacher), but a little terrified at the same time. I just have absolutely no idea what to expect...but, as one of my sister's Flair says, "If God brings you to it, He will lead you through it"! (I love Flair, btw. Completely addicted. And to Facebook in general)

So I'm in Lynchburg b/c my brother and his girlfriend were visiting from Florida, so I came down to see them. They left early Sunday morning, but I'm staying an extra day or two just because I can. Last night (Sunday night), Mom and Dad's Africa team presented their trip at the evening worship service and they did an awesome job. There were lots of pictures and stories - and Dad wore an African shirt. Man, I wish I had a picture of that! Why didn't I think of that last night?!?! Saturday, we all headed back up to Thorn Acres. Here are some photos:

Three generations of Nash men, building a shelter. Scary.

My dad is clearly well versed in gun safety.

William and Meghan.

So I've had a few intervals of feeling better this weekend, but for the most part the nausea/pain continues to stay with me. Sometimes it's bad, others not so much. Yesterday while my dad and I were at the mall, it hit me badly and suddenly so I made him leave. It had been about 4 hourse since lunch, so I can't imagine that it was something I ate.... I've been off the Actigall for almost a week now. I'll call my dr. either today or tomorrow and report back in on how that hasn't helped and see what they say. I'm also allowed to start eating real food today! Hooray!!!!!!!!

Emotionally, I'm a bit of a mess as well. Yesterday I went to church with my parents and they were having communion. At their church, the bread is actually homeade white bread cut up into small cubes (less than 1"). They use grape juice. Neither of these are things I'm supposed to have - however, I figured the grape juice in such a small quantity wouldn't have enough sugar to hurt me and that would be ok. The bread, however, I wasn't so sure about. Bread - especially soft, white bread - can get gummed up and stuck in the opening leading out of my pouch. So I figured I was going to have to pass on that, at least for now. My mom assured me that God would understand :) And I knew he would, but it sent me over the edge anyway. I had a moment of "As if I didn't feel different enough being fat and single at 30, and not being able to get the weight off without surgery, then I can't eat what everyone else can and now I can't I even do communion!" I left church, went to the bathroom and cried and cried and cried. Eventually my mom came to check on me, which made me cry some more. So I left and went home.

If you're not, or never have been fat, there's a lot of things about it that you've probably never thought of or wouldn't understand. One of the things that struck me this weekend is how I hate going places in Lynchburg, like their church - where I grew up- with my parents. Because they always introduce me to people and I feel like they must be embarassed to say "This is my daughter." I'm fat, single, and haven't done anything really exciting - I'm not a doctor or a missionary. I'm not really very interesting at all. (So why are you reading this? ;) ) Of course, my parents absolutely deny feeling this way - and they may not. But it's still how I feel every time I get introduced. It's the same way I feel running into people I knew from growing up. "Well, here I am. I haven't really done such a good job of growing up, huh?"

I know, it seems like I'm just having a pity party for myself and doing some whining here - and let's be honest, I am. But I'm just trying to "let people in" to the mind of an overweight person. It's amazing how it affects anything and everything that you do. I'll share some more fat secrets with you another day :) - like how I come up with excuses to avoid trips to amusement parks because I won't fit on any of the fun rides.

As usual, I've gone on too long here. Happy first full week of August everyone!