Envy

We had a great sermon this morning. Pastor Shelby is doing a series matching the 7 deadly sins with the beautitudes. (I know, interesting huh?) Today's sermon must have been written just for me because it focused on one of my biggest problems - envy.

Steve talked about how deadly envy can be, separating us from God and other people. He went on to talk about how the proper response to envy is not to try not to envy, but to mourn (the beautitude for the day). I'm still trying to understand exactly what he meant, but I think it goes something like this - we will be dissatisfied when we see other people with things that we want. So instead of being envious and angry, the proper response is to be sad and mourn what we do not have. Because "blessed are they who mourn for they will be comforted" (Matthew 5:4).

I struggled a lot with this - isn't being sad about what someone else has and you don't the same thing as envy? The best I've come up with so far are two distinctions - envy is angry, while mourning is sad; and envy is focused outwardly on the other person and mourning is focused inwardly on yourself. (These came from me, not Steve)

Anyway, it's something for me to think about. And work on.

Another thing I was convicted of today at church (good service today :) ) - how much more I want to look and act like a Christian than I want to actually be a Christian. My heart is so hard! So I spent a lot of time praying for God to soften my heart and open me up to truly loving him and others. Our corporate confession of sin described me so well:

O Lord, my every sense and affection, is a snare to me.
I can scarce open my eyes but I envy those above me,
or despise those below.
I covet the honor and riches of the mighty,
and am proud and unmerciful to the rags of others.
if I behold beauty it is a bait to lusy,
or see poverty, it stirs up loathing and disdain;
My heart is full of slander and vanity!

Am I successful? What a fuel for pride!
Am I in need? What an occasion for fear!
Am I gifted? See how I run after applause.
Am I weak? See how I despise what I do not have.
Am I in authority? I am prone to serve my own interests.
Am I lacking? I begrudge the blessing of God
in the lives of others.
You know that all these are pitfalls for my soul,
and that my greatest snare is myself.

I continue to be grateful for God who has enough grace to keep forgiving me over and over and over and over.... :)