I have a new job!

I finally got my placement for next year! I'm going to be working at Fair Oaks Elementary. Now this means about as much to you as it does to all of you faithful readers in Omaha. But it means that I have a job! Yay!

I went to see the Sex and the City movie tonight. It was cute. I'm not going to lie - I liked it just fine. I never really watched the series, so I wasn't as into it as some were. I don't have the energy right now for a diatribe about what that movie says about how morally low our society has sunk, but trust me I'm thinking it. Which is not to say that I didn't go out to see it and then go out for cosmos with the girls like a significant portion of the women in Richmond tonight. What that says about me is something else I don't have the energy to think about...

My job in a nutshell

Me to kindergartener: "Sweetheart, I love it when you give me hugs. But sometimes you need to listen to my directions instead of hugging me."

Kindergartener thinks about it for a minute and replies "You have blue eyes"

Picture me banging my head on a brick wall here........



This is a conversation from the other K teacher's class

(We have been reviewing for end of year tests, including the difference in things that are in the past and things that are in the present. The kids have just been watching Pippi Longstocking)

Someone else's kindergarteners: "We were talking and we decided that movie took place in the past because.... (insert something I can't remember here). Also, teachers in the past were ugly and mean. And the kindergarten teachers at our school are beautiful and nice"

Does this seem fair to you?

Life goes on

I think I'm going to kill my internet connection. I don't know if that's possible, but I'm going to hunt it down and try. It's going soooo sllllooooooowwwww lately that I keep giving up on getting the blogger page to load and posting. Tonight I waited it out. And this super-exciting new post is YOUR reward!

So I've just been plugging along. Doing well with the eating and exercising some days, not as well the others. Still working on it.

I had a GREAT time in Charleston with my whole family over the long Memorial Day weekend! They're all fun, of course, but Abby is just cuter and sweeter and funner and greater every time I see her. She's saying lots of words now (like "Say-Say") and repeating everything. She has a definite mind of her own. She likes to drink from a straw, but her mom makes her leave the cup on the table. She does NOT want anyone to help hold the cup or arrange the straw. You should see her try to get it all arranged and then lean down to take a sip while the straw is where she wants it. She's such a little girl now, and not a baby at all.

I gave my first Henrico Assessment Test (HAT) today. I am apalled that Henrico Co. expects us to give these things (and with several other things about them), and have been completely stressed about it. But I think my kids did well, so that's good. I'm not even going to go into the details of the ridiculousness of it all because it will probably bore you. But, trust me, it's completely awful.

So here's what I've decided. Each day, in addition to the normal getting-through-the-day life activities, I'm going to try and accomplish 4 things:

1. Something with God (prayer, devotion time, an act of service or caring that clearly doesn't come from me, etc.)
2. Something for my health (exercising, trying a new recipe, meeting with one of my many support people, etc.)
3. Something for school (make progress on an ongoing project, clean off something, etc)
4. Something for my house (clean a room, pay a bill, organize something, etc)

Obviously that's a lot of et. ceteras. We'll see what comes up each day. I'm not going to try and accomplish big things each day. Just small things in each area of my life where I need to make progress. And I'll see if that helps me get hold of it and bring my life under control a little bit. (I'm such a control freak - why do you think I became a teacher? Who's in charge in that room all day? ME)

Stay tuned for the results.... (but don't hold your breath. It may be a while. And I don't want to be responsible for any deaths and/or brain damage)

Cheating

Hi from Charleston!  I just got here (around 10 pm) so I won't get to see that sweet baby until morning.  I can't wait!

I totally cheated tonight.  On the way here, I did something I haven't done in a long time - stopped at McDonalds for dinner.  I haven't had McDs in 6 weeks since I started all of the special diets.  Also - I got a Diet Coke!  I haven't had one since I gave them up 2 months ago. And guess what? It was gross. Hated it.  All of it - even the coke.  I couldn't even eat it.  Before I would eat it when I wasn't even hungry.

So I guess I really am changing, which is a good thing.  I know I have to be careful so I don't change back.  But it makes me feel like I really can do this thing.  I've been worried because one of the benefits of the RNY surgery is that you get sick when you eat things you shouldn't.  In the past, that hasn't exactly stopped me from eating them.  But tonight I learned that it can.  And it will.

Happy long weekend!

Total meltdown

I completely melted down today. I'm so tired from running, running, running all the time and trying to think about what I'm eating and getting my exercise in and all the other 1,000,000 things that go along with preparing for this surgery in addition to the job and being in a new city and all. Of course, I had less than 5 minutes for my meltdown. So I don't know if that really counts or not.

Here's what prompted the meltdown - I fell in the shower. I had about 20 minutes to shower and get ready to go back out (cards with the girls!) and I got in and fell down. *Side note - I've been feeling very off-balance lately. I've almost fallen several times. Hmmmm* I wasn't hurt, but it shook me up. You know how falling can do that? And I did grab the shower curtain on the way back down and it pulled the rod out of the wall a little bit so now I have to call and get them to fix that.

Here's what I melted about - I went to work out with Bryan today and it was fine. He weighed me and I've lost 5 pounds since last week. Which is great. I know it is. I'm excited about it. It means that, since the liver shrinking diet, I've lost a total of 20 pounds (some of those pounds I've lost twice - put them back on and lost them again :) ) Which I am happy about. But here's the thing - I still don't look any different. I don't feel any different. And even my clothes aren't fitting me any better. There are two things I do notice - I fit into my jeans straight out of the dryer. (But once they're on, they feel the same as they did before once I had worn them a little bit) And I have to work harder to get my heart rate up. Which I know is a good sign, but all it really means is I'm working out really hard and my heart rate is like "*yawn* whatever. I'll just stay here in this mediocre range" Shouldn't I at least feel better or have more energy or something? Or my clothes feel a little loose? Generally, losing 20 pounds will take you down a whole size! Maybe my clothes were just really tight before...

P.S. - I'm still completely obsessed with the song "My Jesus" Don't ask me why. Just love it.

Abby's Favorite Aunt!

Guess who said my name today?!?!?! I was talking to my sister, and she told Abby to say Sarah and she clearly went "Say-Say!" She was excited, too. You could tell :) Kay said they look at my picture when they practice saying it. I am soooooo excited! I will happily be Say-Say, or whatever else she wants to call me. She's so sweet - I can't wait to go down there this weekend!

I had a busy weekend. I had some friends from Charlottesville graduate from med school (and they're younger than I am - scary!) so I went down for that party. I also spent a good bit of time working on cleaning my house. It is such a disaster - I am lucky that it's so small :) But tomorrow they're coming to clean the carpets,so I have to have everything in order.

I've started tracking my meals at http://www.thedailyplate.com and I've found it really easy to use. My nut wanted me to do a food diary and you know me - why write it down when I can do it online?

Off to Bill's to spend my teacher appreciation gift certificates for dinner!

Getting my butt kicked by 10 year olds!

I have such a hard time with taking things slowly - I've been working out with Bryan for about 2 months now, so I am convinced that I should be able to do anything at all! Um, that is definitely not true. Remember how Zumba kicked my butt last week? So, ask me what I did. Go ahead. (And no, I didn't go back to Zumba)

I tried a different class. Basic Step. An introductory class. Advertised as "family friendly". There were three 10 year olds there - fresh from field day, no less! They kicked my butt. Totally kicked it. I'm not even going to mention their perfectly-clad high-energy jumping around mothers. I had to stop several times "for water". And I did some of the exercises on the floor instead of using the step. DANG it was hard work. Of course my heart rate was way too high, so that was another reason I took some water breaks. Live and learn. I'm pretty good and the living part - it's the "learning" I'm having trouble with. Remind me not to go back and do that again, ok?

Today was my least favorite assembly in the history of the world. The Snake Man came to Pemberton. EEWWWW it makes me feel yucky just looking at those words. Needless to say, I did NOT go. My teammates watched my kids for me but it creeped me out just knowing they were in the building and listening to my kids talk about it. Ok, can't tell you anymore. I feel nightmares coming on.

My new water bottle came yesterday! On Dawn's recommendation, I ordered a Sigg water bottle. Mine looks like this:

I'm super excited about it and had fun carrying it around today. I'll admit, I like it because it's pretty :) But it's a good water bottle, too and we all know how important water is! I need to order the thing that goes around it with a caribiner attached, though, to make it easier to carry.
I also ordered an awesome lunch bag since I have to take my lunch now. Although you can see it's awesomeness from the picture, when I tell you that it has a zipper, you'll be even more wowed by it. Ready? It has a zipper. A red one.Clearly, I still need to work on short posts. Oh, well. It is about 8:15 on a Friday night and I'm about to head off to bed. It has been a busy, busy week.

Make new friends, but keep the old....

one is silver, and the other gold! (can you hear me singing it?!?! I hope I sound better in your head than I do in real life)

One great thing about getting ready to have this surgery is that I'm meeting some really great new people. Tonight I met some girls from the OH board to plan some social events for the Richmond area. It was a lot of fun. I will admit to being overwhelmed - we were loud, and all talking at once about 15 different things. But I met some great new people, and I look forward to getting to know them better. When Theresa sends me the pictures, I'll post one :)

I met with the doctor today - I've been to the "the Center" 3 days in a row this week to meet with Lisa the nutritionist (Mon), Sgt. Bryan (Tue), and Dr. Powell (Wed). They've all been very encouraging and told me that I'm doing well. I know that I'm not doing as well as I could (or maybe even should!) be, but it's good to know that they are happy with the progress I'm making. I'm working hard at it, but there's always one more thing to do...I guess life is like that.

Speaking of, Sue (the "life coach" - the only one I didn't officially see this week, although we did chat when I ran into her in the office) thinks I should try hypnosis to see if I can get past gagging on nasty foods. Hmmmm.... She gave me the card of a hypnotist that she recommends. Still thinking on that one.

My new goal (in blogging, not in life) is to make shorter posts. Clearly this one doesn't qualify. I'll work on it.

Alas, I broke the watch

Ok, I didn't BREAK the watch, but I did mess it up a little bit. It turns out that I did something that messed up the calorie counting (I have no idea what I did. Don't ask.) So I didn't ACTUALLY burn 1630 calories at Zumba. Oh, well. I enjoyed the thought while it lasted. I did work hard, though :) Off to Game Club!

My Jesus

I just downloaded the Todd Agnew song titled "My Jesus" and I think it's just great, so I'm posting the lyrics here:

Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Then why do you look so much like the world?

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand

Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?

Who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side or
fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet would stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despised the proud
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!

Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?


I want to be like my Jesus


I can't figure out how to post the song on here, but trust me - it's good.


So it got me thinking. My daily life doesn't usually bring me into contact with "thieves and sluts and liars" so much, but it can bring me into contact with some children who are hard to love. You're probably going to make the connection here much quicker than I did. Yep. Jesus would have gone straight to those children and loved them with all he had. So my job is to do that, too. If you think that comparing kindergarteners to "the least of these" in the song is too much of a stretch, you haven't spent enough time in a classroom :)

Did you hear that?

So I was sitting at my computer, playing on the internet (which I spend waaaay too much time doing, by the way), and I suddenly hear this loud, mechanical childrens-type song. You know, like the kind of thing that plays on baby toys when you press a button? Now, I know many babies but none live in my house so I didn't think I had any of those toys here. It was little bit freaky. I'm like searching my house and looking out the window trying to find where these noises are coming from and can't find anything. Finally, I see it. A real, live, ice cream truck going through my parking lot! I didn't realize that they still had those things. I felt like I lived in the 50s ;) I'm not saying I went out and bought any ice cream...nor did I see anyone else buy any. Which reminded me of one of my favorite stories. One of my friends was so emotional when she was pregnant that when the ice cream truck drove by her house and no one wanted ice cream, she started crying for the poor ice cream truck driver who wasn't going to be able to support her family. Poor thing, she's had the baby so I hope those hormones have receded a bit!

I did something very brave today - well, brave for me anyway. I went out to lunch with the Young Adults Sunday School class from my church. I've attended the class several times and spoken to some very nice people. At least once before, I've even driven to the place they were meeting for lunch and considered going in. But today, after sitting in the parking lot thinking about going in and watching for others to come for a good 20 minutes (while, I admit it, pretending to talk on my phone so it would look like I had a reason for sitting there. I was actually talking to God asking for courage to do this so I guess, technically, I didn't need the phone. Still.) I had a good time. There were maybe 10-15 people there and I enjoyed talking to them. I'm going to keep trying :)

I have found, both in Charlottesville and in Richmond, that it's harder - for me anyway - to make Christian friends than it is to make non-Christian friends. It's a big mystery to me. It may just be proximity, and that I don't put enough effort into making Christian friends. For instance, in Charlottesville most of my friends were people that I worked with and others I met through them. Here in Richmond, I have four great friends (two couples) that I knew before I moved here. Still it's important to me to try and make new friends. I'm making some through my WLS journey - mainly through the OH Va board. Church is such an important place to me, though, that I would really like to become closer to people there as well. I tend to use my weight as an excuse, and think that people don't want to get to know me because I'm fat. Whether that's true or all in my head, I don't know. Probably a little of both.

Ok, want me to be really, brutally honest here? I want and need a good-sized circle of friends. But what I really and truly want is a husband. And, for that, I feel like I need to look in the church. It's so important to me to find a Christian husband. Confession time. One of my biggest weaknesses is seeing church as a place to look for a man rather than a place to worship God. I will literally sit in church, look around, and pick out guys that I think I could marry. This is CRAZY. INSANE. I don't know them. At all. Not even their names. And I KNOW it's crazy. But I still do it. So every week in church I struggle to keep my focus on God and worshiping him. Because wanting a Godly husband is not a bad thing. But it's not why I go to church. So there you go. One of my biggest secrets, out there in the virtual world. I will keep praying about it and God will give me the strength to put him first above all other things, even finding a husband and having kids. I know he will. But on his timetable, which is not mine.

Want to know another deep, dark, dirty secret about me? I don't particularly enjoy canasta.

Do you ever

narrate your own life in your head? As if you were writing a book about everything that's happening as it happens? You know like, "I realized that I felt warm, so I got up and turned down the thermostat" or "I didn't know what I wanted for dinner, but I finally pulled out a chicken breast" or "I decided to watch re-runs of Burn Notice instead of Step It Up and Dance". Really exciting stuff, that you make sound exciting in your head as you do it?

I'm not saying that I do that. I'm just wondering if you do.

Forgiveness Follows Failure

That was the title of Max's daily devotional today - and just a thought for you :)

So it's Friday and I am STILL a bit sore from Tuesday's workout with Bryan. Wow. Maybe I need to learn not to work out until it stops hurting. But I have to work out at least 4 times between visits and if I wait two days to heal up then I absolutely have to do every day until then. See what I'm saying? I did a new water aerobics class yesterday - it was ok. Then, brilliant as I am, I decided that I was ready to try a class not in the water. So I went to Zumba tonight. There was some belly dancing, some salsa dancing, and a whole lot of shimmying and hip shaking. It was actually kind of fun, but it kicked my butt. Clearly, I'm not ready for that yet. My heart rate monitor is supposed to keep me in my "moderate" zone, but I spent the entire class well into the "high" zone tonight. Don't know how the sgt. is going to feel about that, but I didn't want to quit. And I didn't - I finished the class! And, on the "good news" front, I burned 1630 calories in just over an hour!

Tonight after Zumba class, I finally went to the Funny Bone comedy club for the first time. Wanda Sykes was performing. She was really really good. I had a great time. (And got to go out like an adult and still be home by 9:30 - all in all an excellent plan)

Today was the end of Teacher Appreciation Week (I have been very much appreciated all week - the parents have been wonderful) and my kids all brought in gifts today. The PTA sent out a survey waaaaay back (as in before "Boot Camp" started) asking us about our favorite things. So for my favorite morning drink, I put Diet Cherry Coke. Which it is. I love it. But I can't have it anymore. I got two 12-packs and a 20-oz bottle today. Also got a bunch of caramels, which I love but can't have. And mucho gift certificates to Bill's Barbeque, which I love but probably is not high in Nutripoints. But that's ok. They were really sweet to do it, and except for one caramel on the way home (ok, two caramels - but that was IT) I've been ok with resisting it so far. I'm giving away the coke and the candy and taking my friends out to Bill's - because it would be ok for me to eat there once. Just not $40 worth of times. :) I also got several nice gift certificates to other places, which will be fun to spend.

I'm exhausted from a busy week and ready to go to bed and sleep late tomorrow!!!! Got to gear up for next week, which is looking crazy busy. 5 more weeks as a Kindergarten teacher....

Sgt. Bryan strikes again!

OH. MY. GOODNESS. I worked out with Bryan yesterday and I am sooooooooo sore today. My abs, butt and thighs are mucho painful. I don't know if it's because I didn't go last week due to being sick, or just because of something extra we did. He said he almost made me do 3 sets of lunges. If we had done that, I don't know that I would have been able to walk today :)

Didn't do as good a job today with the Nutripoints system, but I'm determined that tomorrow will be a better day. It was still better than a day before I was on it, so that's something I suppose.

(Just needed to insert a reminder here that Abby is SO FREAKIN' CUTE! I just happened to glance up at her pictures on my spinning cube above my desk. I don't have as many pics of her here in my bedroom. Out in my living room, it's a different story. My friend Lave walked in one day and said "Speed. It looks like your sister's kid exploded in here." It's true, but she's just so amazing! If you want to see a picture of her, let me know. I'll email you some!)

I had a heard time searching for God's purpose in my children's behavior today. I got an extra half hour of lunch time because of teacher appreciation week, and when I got back the mom who was covering my class went "Oh my God. I could never do this again!" My children were clearly showing their colors for her... I also had to make the dreaded "I've put your child up for child study" call today. Despite the fact that it's tedious and much-legislated, which is hardly ever a good thing, I truly think of child study as a positive process - and a great resource for me and the child. But it's a scary and intimidating thing for a parent to hear and to go through. I try to "be there" for the parents as much as I can, since I'm the one that they know, but nothing can really make hearing that your child is having trouble in school easier. Definitely not a part of my job that I'll miss next year!

So, well there's Sarah's day in a nutshell. Here's the most exciting news I've had in a long time - I have four days on my calendar with nothing written on them! I'm sure that I will find things to do - actually, I hope I will - but wow. It is exciting. Next week, though, is going to be killer. Not much I can do but keep taking it one day at a time. And let God lead me through it.

Not my will, but Thine be done, Lord

Looking for the King

Max's devotion today was about the great Majesty of Jesus and how we needed to look for him at all times. So I spent today looking for him. And, although I have no touching stories about "seeing him in the face of a child" - my children were HORRENDOUS today - reminding myself to seek him did help me gain a little perspective on the day.

I also read another chapter by him (during one of the many times that my children were in time out at school) about how the universe is centered around God, not us. He says that if we could shift our way of thinking to reflect that, then life wouldn't be about God making us happy. Here's my favorite quote:

We'd see our suffering differently. "My pain proves God's absence" would be replaced with "My pain expands God's purpose".

As frustrated as I am with those children, God has a purpose for it. God wants me there. God is using me there. God is growing me there. I prayed about this move and this job, and am convinced that I am in the right place. I have yet to see the reason for it - as short-tempered as I am, I am sure that it does not have to with me helping these children. But God knows it. And today, when those children had their heads down for the 14,000th time because for the 42,000th time they had ignored everything I just asked them to do...I prayed. My prayer was "God give me patience" Tomorrow my prayer should be "God, show me your purpose so that I can further it". I'll try and remember.

Nutripoints Day 1

First off, I think it only fair to mention that while I did mock Julie's choice of men in the previous post, I should point out that I love Jeff (her husband) and think that she did an excellent job in choosing him. That being said - he did sit in a sandbox with a giant sombrero and a margarita.

So Nutripoints was not bad at all today - it was actually one of those days when I would have rather not eaten at all. Cooking is such a pain. No wonder I ate at drive-throughs so often. When you go all day and get home at 8, who wants to cook? But I took a sandwich, an OJ, and some broccoli for lunch today. The goal is to get in 6 servings of veggies, 4 of fruits, 3 of grains, 4 of legumes and/or meats, and 2 of milk/dairy in a day. I end up drinking most of my fruits and veggies which is fine. There is also a point assigned to each food - the higher the points, the better the food is for you (more nutrition per calorie). You are also supposed to hit a certain number of points per day, but right now my goal is to get in all the right servings, while eating only foods with a positive point value. Now potatoes in several forms - including frozen french fries - are on my approved veggie list, but I am trying to get no more than 2 of my veggie servings from potatoes. I know that my "points" are nowhere near where they're supposed to be because I'm mainly eating from the low end of the spectrum - I probably get 50 points a day where you're supposed to get 150. But it's a big change for me anyway. I'll keep working on it.

I didn't go out and buy a devotional book today. When I posted the link to Max Lucado's website, I discovered what a great site it was, including a short daily devotional on the main page. Since money is tight right now, I'm going to use those. It was great to have a specific God-centered thought to think on throughout the day today. Today's devotional was about how God the shepherd searches for each one of us and doesn't give up, no matter how many other Christians there are. There are a ton of other free things to read on there as well. I was too overwhelmed to read much of it.

Tomorrow it's back to see Sgt. Bryan for my workout and meeting with Sue the Life Coach. I was so bad last week (although I legitimately was sick and missed my apt. with Bryan), I'm embarrassed to go back, but I will. It's not going to get any easier!

It's teacher appreciation week this week, so go appreciate some teachers!!!!!

Happy Cuatro de Mayo! (with a C)

I've been thinking that I really shouldn't ONLY post on here when I'm feeling grumpy, which it seems I'm wont to do... I had a great time tonight with my Richmond gang celebrating Cuatro de Mayo in our own special way (yes, we're too old to go out on Monday night for Cinco de Mayo so we had to make up a similar holiday) Here is a sample of the good times that were had:

I think this would also be a good time to post this old-school picture of two guys that my good friend Julie dated in high school:

By the way, the top picture is of Julie's husband. I'm going to let you draw your own conclusions.

I'm ready to give the Nutripoints system a try starting tomorrow. It really wouldn't be fair of me to criticize it so much without giving it a try. So hopefully I will start to see some positive results - and, after all, I am committed to some major lifestyle changes here.

I think I've realized the piece that's been missing in my WLS journey - God. How can I do this without him? That's big *duh* that's been smacking me in the face these past couple of days. So I'm really going to work on seeking His guidance and leaning on Him for making this work. But without an action plan, I'm sunk. So I'm going to find a good book of devotions (simple ones, because that's as much as I can handle :) Max Lucado is a personal favorite) and here's my plan: Read it in the morning at breakfast. *Note - this will involve beginning to eat breakfast! I may have to substitute "read while watching the weather in the morning* Try and think about it during the day to reflect on it. Then at dinnertime, re-read it and think of it in terms of my day. I've always imagined that someday when I was married and had children that we would read a bible story or do some sort of devotion every night after dinner. What made me think I had to wait until I had a family? That's silly. So there's my new resolution. I'm writing it down to make it real :) I'll let you know how it goes...

One more thought - I missed church today to go to a surprise birthday brunch for a good friend in Charlottesville. I happened to catch a great sermon on the radio on "The Five Prayers You Should Pray Every Day" and I wrote them down as I was driving. Here they are:

1. Slay me. (Get rid of the old self, the sinful nature that controlled me before I accepted Christ)
2. Cleanse me. (Take out all of those old sins)
3. Fill me. (with your love, peace, and guidance)
4. Guide me.
   
5. Use me.
   

LSD thoughts

Well, I've been off the dreaded Liver Shrinking Diet for 3 days now, which is awesome! Getting ready to get started with the next phase of my nutrition plan - the Nutripoints system. I'm sooooo not psyched about this. It doesn't work well with what I like to eat (which I know is not healthy things, but still) and involves a lot of cooking, which I rarely do. I'm not happy with my nutritionist, because she doesn't seem terribly willing to be flexible and help me figure out a way to make it work for me. Her two comments were, "Maybe you're not ready for the surgery yet" and "Well, this is the program we do here so this is it". It's not a program that I can do post-op, so I'm feeling pretty negative about it and trying to get past that for right now.

But back to the ever-exciting LSD. Since it was a new idea to have patients do it this far out from surgery to "jump start weight loss and get them motivated", I've been collecting my thoughts. Not that anyone has asked. But I may share them anyway.

Positives:

• I lost 16 pounds in 2 weeks.
• I didn't die. Which is to say that I learned that I can live through it - and that, while I was cranky, I could have fun even when it wasn't centered around food.

Negatives:

• I was very cranky and irritable the entire two weeks, although not really hungry.
• It was inconvenient - I couldn't go out to eat with friends, had to be sure I had my special foods with me wherever I went.
• This far out from surgery I'm not sure I'm comfortable telling everyone, and it makes it hard not to. I didn't really want to just tell half-truths - "It's part of a new diet program I'm doing" or make up stores - "I'm not feeling well", but I did both some. I did end up telling some people that I wasn't ready to tell (co-workers).
• I didn't get to have my surgery at the end of it, and went a little wild food-wise the day after it was over.
• It was hard to be motivated to do it, since jump-starting my weight loss did not seem like a good enough reason to me to be put through this. It did not make me feel motivated. I can understand having to do it to shrink the liver for surgery, but this didn't make much sense to me which made it much more difficult.
• I felt like I was secretly being tested to see if I could do it.
• My nutritionist, who put me on the program, didn't have a complete understanding of what the diet was supposed to be, so for the first week I had to eat that nasty sandwich every night.

So, overall, despite the fact that my jeans are a little bit looser, this was a very negative, discouraging experience for me. And people telling me that other people had harder diets (I don't believe it for a minute - NO ONE else I have ever heard of has to do this for four weeks. And people who have to do all liquids usually only do it for a day or two) or that this was a good thing to get me prepared for surgery only made me more irritated. I'm having a really hard time with the whole thing right now and questioning everything. It's hard planning for something which is so far away. My surgeon's support group meets once a month and I've been to two already and will go to one more before my surgery. Then there's one the day after I have my surgery (I'll still be in the hospital, so won't go) It's hard seeing everyone else losing so much weight when I'm so far out and not really being able to relate to much of what they're saying. On my online message board I see people come in new and have their surgery quickly while I don't get to do that.

So, I'm sorry - I feel like a lot of my posts about this are negative. I've been trying to make all these changes - exercising 5 days a week, giving up diet soda, giving up FOOD for two weeks, now this Nutripoints thing - most of which have been very, very hard and I'm just not feeling better because of it. It's been about 6 weeks since I first started exercising and 4 since I gave up soda and I have yet to feel better. In fact, I feel worse. I'm very much an instant gratification junkie and this is hard. I'm going to try and post positive things next time :)