***Warning - May contain TMI***

I'm going to post briefly b/c I am not feeling well at all - however, if people are considering this surgery they need to know everything that goes with it.

I'm still feeling nauseous all the time, and eating and/or drinking seem to make it worse. It's making me exhausted and very, very cranky. I'm wishing that I had never done this in the first place. As my sister pointed out, if this were Weight Watchers and I felt this way I could just cheat. But I can't. I'll get sick. And I know that's why I chose this surgery still....

So if you've looked into WLS surgery at all you've probably heard of a phenomenon called "dumping",which by the way is a name that I hate. I "dumped" yesterday for the first time. I had gone out to a Mexican restaurant with some friends, and I ordered a quesadilla with chicken. I ate just a little bit of the shredded chicken and cheese, which I figured would be fine since basically all I've eaten the past 2 weeks are eggs, chicken, and cheese. But I guess the restaurant cheese had a lot more fat than the cheese I use at home b/c a little while later I was in my friend's bathroom. I felt like elephants were stomping on my stomach, I was sweating like crazy, I was shaking, and I didn't know which end to point at the toilet ;) I stayed that way for about 20 minutes. It was awful, and left me feeling worn out and weak.

I'm just so freakin' tired of feeling bad and not being able to eat things. When you feel nauseous, what do you do? Well, you can drink some ginger ale. No can do - no carbonation allowed. You can eat some crackers - no can do. No bread or crackers allowed. You don't keep eating and drinking stuff - no can do. Have to get a minimum in. So I could go on and on ranting about how sick and angry and frustrated I feel, but I won't.

This is why - first of all, who wants to read that? Second of all - and it pains me at this moment to write this - it will pass. I know it will. I know that lots and lots of people feel this way at this point after surgery (especially the what have I done? thing. I don't know about the nausea.) Ok, off to feel sorry for myself some more.... :)


P.S. - Added later - I wanted to add that I have yet to actually throw up since the surgery. I've wanted to - plenty of times. But I haven't. I very rarely do, as a rule. But if I had a stricture, a serious concern post-op, I would be actually throwing up everything I ate or drink. So it's good to know that's not the problem. And, by the way, I'm updating this at 11:30 at night when I should be in bed because I'm too nauseous to lie down quite yet...

Good times were had by all

So I told you my girls were coming for a fun birthday weekend, right? Boy, did they! As you can see, we had a great time. We hung out at my house a good bit, then went out. It's always fun to see them!

Yesterday, I went $0.99 bowling with my 4 Richmond friends. Of course, it was right after I had the stomach pain attack, so I was still a little bit high off of my pain medicine. Julie had to come pick me up :) But hydrocodone must be a bowling-enhancing drug b/c I bowled a 135!!!!!! I've never bowled close to that before - maybe a 112 was my highest? (And, let's be honest - my lowest was a 23. yep, 23. And one time I won a bowling trophy. For the most gutter balls. So clearly I'm a master bowler)

Alright, I'm off. I'm visiting friends in Charlottesville and NoVa this week, then I'm back home to Lynchburg where my little brother and his girlfriend are coming from Fl. to visit. So it's a busy week for me! Stay cool now.....


P.S. - You know that Griffin iPod play-in-the-car thingie that I was raving about the other day? Well, yes they did a great job with the packaging. But the thing itself is a piece of crap. It hardly works at all. I guess you really do get what you pay for!

1 month checkup

Ok, well it hasn't technically been a whole month...more like 4 weeks tomorrow. But I went back to see Dr. E today, and I met with Pam, the nutritionist as well. Let me remind you that I am smack in the middle of the why-in-the-world-did-I-do-this-crazy-thing-I'll-never-make-it-
when-can-I-eat-real-food-like-a-normal-person doldrums, in addition to constant nausea. Yesterday I got a sudden pain across my abdomen that was killer bad. I waited it out about 20 minutes and finally took some of my pain medicine and slept it off. So when I got to Dr. E's office and was meeting with his awesome nurse, Michaela, and she weighed me and I found out that I have only lost 6 pounds in the last 2 weeks...... let's just say it took all the strength I had to sit in the exam room waiting for Dr. Elliot and not bawl. But Dr. E said that was a total of 27 pounds the first month (53 pounds lost now total), which was average for the RNY (Since when has average ever made me happy?) and that it was just my body adjusting and getting used to the changes. So he didn't seem worried about it. Me? Worried. Stressed. Unhappy. In other dr. appt. related news...

• ****WARNING***** This bullet may contain a little TMI for some of you. You may want to skip to the next one. Dr. E thought that my stomach pain could be from a number of things, but that it wasn't worth worrying about (clearly he wasn't the one doubled over in pain :) ) unless it happens repeatedly. Michaela, the nurse, said that it could be from constipation and suggested that I start taking Benefiber. So I am. See, that wasn't too bad now was it?

• As for the nausea, Dr.E said that wasn't terribly unusual, but that some patients got nauseous from the Actigall that I'm taking. So he said to stop taking it for a week and see if it improves. Although I don't know what he's going to do if it does help, b/c I'm supposed to take this stuff for 6 months. Maybe there's something else he can give me? We'll see.

• Dr. E and Pam were both pleased with what I'm eating - how much protein and liquids I'm getting in, etc. I talked with Pam for a long time about ideas for things that I can do once school starts b/c it's going to be much harder when I have to get up and get out the door, and pack my lunch.

• Next Monday I get to go to solid foods! Wooo-hooo! Pam suggested still staying with softer foods, but a whole world of food choices are going to open up to me :) I don't even know yet what I'll eat. But I can't wait.

• Dr. E didn't look at my incisions, which I thought was strange. But I didn't think of it until after I left.

• Dr. Elliot basically told me that the next few weeks were the hardest time and that once I get through those I'm going to feel much better. I'm clinging to that promise!!!
  

Finally, someone realized...

how hard it is to open products packaged in that hard plastic stuff! I just bought a car connector thing for my iPod, and it was in that stuff. To my surprise, the back was perforated to make it easy to open! So way to go Griffin! iPod accessories are expensive, by the way.

So my family is having yet another crisis. I have a family member that, for as long as I can remember, has caused the family pain and grief over and over and over again. Yet we keep on loving him (and helping him) because he's family and that's what we do. Which is right and good. But I'm so angry and frustrated at him right now that I'm ready to completely throw in the towel on him. Just give up and cut him out of my life completely. He has more than earned it. And I hardly ever see him - those people who live with and near him have put up with waaaay more than I have. It makes me wonder all over again at how good God is. As angry as I am, haven't I messed up just as much? And he never runs out of love and forgiveness for me. In fact, every time I ask for forgiveness, he forgets my sins completely. Like they never happened! It's truly an amazing thing. So I suppose I will keep praying that my family will have God's love in them to show him, while searching for guidance on the right thing to do. Because love doesn't always mean bailing people out. "because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." Hebrews 12:6 But it does mean forgiving and not giving up. "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times" Matthew 18:21-22

I posted earlier about not getting all of my protein in, and Dawn had a good question. She wondered how I was not getting it in when 2 protein shakes should easily meet my requirement for the day. Here's the answer - and when I go to see the dr. for my 1 month follow-up on Tuesday I'm going to double-check on this - my surgeon wants me to eat 3 meals a day and nothing else. He will (grudgingly :) ) allow one small snack mid-afternoon if I have a long time between lunch and dinner. He counts a protein shake as a meal, not as part of the liquids that I do during the day. So I've been trying to eat actual food rather than protein shakes - mostly because I like it better :), but also because long term that's what I need to be doing and what my doctor prefers. So I'm not doing many protein shakes at this point. I have been doing one for breakfast a lot of days, and that's helping. The past few days I have gotten to my protein and water goals, which is good. I worry some that Dr. E. only asks me to get in 40 g of protein, while Pam (the nutritionist) said 60, so I try and go higher than 40 when I can. I have to keep reminding myself that he's the doctor and I'm not.... a little bit of knowledge can be a bad thing :)

I'm still feeling kind of generally run-down and nauseous. Not in a hugely major way, more in an annoyance kind of way. I'm exhausted, but having a lot of trouble sleeping. Last night (now, don't fuss at me. I know I shouldn't do this and am NOT going to do it again - it was a one time thing) I was so tired that I took some of my pain medicine just to help me sleep. It was awesome. I conked out quickly and was dead to the world for 9 hours. I really needed that! I also have nausea medication that Dr. E prescribed for me when I left the hospital, but I haven't taken any of that yet. I think that makes you sleepy, too, and I just haven't felt like I feel bad enough to take it. I'm going to talk to him about all of this on Tuesday,when I go to see him. I have been trying to notice if I feel worse after I eat certain things, and I haven't noticed anything. Just a general feeling worse in the morning.

I'm also in the "Dear-God-what-have-I-done-this-is-insane" stage where I'm totally freaked out and a little regretting that I had the surgery. However, from what I understand almost everyone experiences this at about this point, so I'm confident that it will pass. Probably when I start noticing significant weight loss. I'm still at the point where I can hardly tell. I'm wearing all the same clothes, although they're a little big. But I still feel like 50 pounds down they should be bigger than they are. Patience, Sarah, patience!

My high school girlfriends are coming over today to celebrate two of their 30th birthdays! The one coming from out of town should be here in about 30 minutes. We're going to go to the gym, then probably hang out by the pool if its warm enough. The other two will join us at some point. We'll go out to dinner and then go to Sine to see Sloth Loves Chunk play. I may be biased b/c my friend's husband is the drummer, but I think they're great and I love to go see them. If you're in the Richmond area, you should definitely check them out! (And if you're coming, let me know. I go to almost all the shows!) The only problem, for this old lady, is that they usually don't even start playing until 10:00 - my usual bedtime - and they go until about 1:00 or 2:00 a.m. It's all very rock 'n' roll :) Back to the point, I'm excited to see "my girls" and get to hang out with them. To be fair, 3 of the 4 of us actually live in Richmond, but I only see one of them regularly. We do this several times a year to celebrate birthdays and this year we're all turning *gasp* 30! (Except me. I chose to stay 26 about 4 years ago) So I'm excited to get to hang out with them.

Ok, this post has gotten excruciatingly long and - no pictures. Oh, actually, here's some. This is what happened the last couple of times I've gotten together with these girls:

This time they were all very late and I made them all sign confessions stating such:

This is what they thought of my confessions:

You do get treated like a queen on your birthday!

This picture we staged after she fell asleep. We rock :)

This time we were obviously wild and crazy

Girls, I apologize. I know that some of those might not be the most flattering pictures. But I was willing to make the sacrifice to make the blog more interesting. I know, I'm like a saint. And see how I didn't put your names? No one will ever know who you are.....

Alright y'all. Be cute now.

3-Week Post-Op Tidbits and Observations

• I rarely feel hungry - more like I eat because I'm supposed to, measure it, and eat how much I'm supposed to. On the flip side, I don't really feel full either. I do have "head hunger" quite often where I really want particular foods, though.

• I've found that water doesn't sit in my stomach very well, especially in the morning. By evening I can usually tolerate it. If I add any kind of flavor to it, though, I'm fine. Even sipping throughout the day, it's hard to get in my 64 oz. If I drink too fast, it hurts! It kind of feels like someone is stepping on my chest.

• Interestingly enough, I tolerate protein shakes better in the morning than I do in the evening.
  

• It's hard to get in 40-60 grams of protein when your total food intake for the day is only 3/4 of a cup! (40 is what my surgeon says, 60 is from the nutritionist)
  

• I've been dizzy a lot more since surgery. You know how when you stand up too fast you get dizzy for a minute? That happens to me almost every time I stand up now. Weird.

• My incisions look awesome. The lowest one is the worst, because my clothes rub against it. It's REALLY hard for me not to pick at them!

• For the most part, I feel as good as I did pre-op, energy wise. I still get tired a little bit easier, though. It seems like so long ago - it's hard to remember that I'm still just 3 weeks out!

• I have take Zantac (an antacid, to prevent acid in my stomach while it's still healing - this lasts for 30 days), Actigall (to prevent gallstones since they are often caused by rapid weight loss - this lasts for 6 months), chewable Flinstones Complete vitamins, and Viactiv for calcium each twice a day. The Actigall, vitamin, and viactiv all have to be taken at least 2 hours apart from each other. The Zantac can be taken with the vitamin or the viactiv, but not the Actigall. So basically every 2 hours I have to take some sort of pill. This is much harder than it seems to remember to do. In fact, right now I just realized I've missed one. *sigh* I put all 6 pills in a little baggie at the beginning of the day to help me keep track of what I've taken and what I haven't. I need a better system. Maybe a watch with an alarm?
  

I have to be honest here - this weekend at my parents, I ate things that I probably shouldn't have. I tolerated them pretty well, though. (On a side note, you may notice that I don't really post what I'm actually eating. That's because every surgeon and everyone's experience are so different. Any time I've been around a group of WLS patients - support groups, online, social gatherings - if someone mentions something they like to eat, someone else has a reason why that's not a good idea. This gets me confused and overwhelmed. So I have a strict rule of listening to my surgeon and ONLY my surgeon. I love blogs where WLS patients post recipes for things they're eating, but that's not going to be me.) Anyway, back to my weekend. Tolerating them and being supposed to eat them are two totally different things. I learned that I get frustrated when other people are eating and I can't, and it makes me want to eat things I shouldn't. Sometimes just to say ha-ha. So this is a problem I'm going to work on. Because I'm only 3 weeks out and that's a slippery slope to start on. I am determined that I will NOT be a person who makes a lot of excuses for things. So, I won't. I messed up this weekend, but I'm starting over.

Today, however, I have not felt so good. I can't imagine that it was leftover from this weekend, so I don't know what it is. I've felt nauseous and a little crampy most of the day. Not serious, call-the-doctor-sick, just yucky. In fact, I never ate lunch and I'm having problems getting my water in. That may be the problem. I had my shake at breakfast and that's all I've had today. I may just have another shake for dinner and go back to liquids until this passes. I also went back to the gym today (yay!) and swam laps. I swam a whole mile - it took me about 50 minutes - and that may have been too much. I felt fine while I was doing it, but when I got out I was definitely sore and exhausted. This heat probably has me run down, too.

With all those negatives, here's something that I have been doing well post-op - eating very slowly, taking very tiny bites, and chewing my food nearly to death. When I ate with my family, my little 1/4 cup (using those little white prep bowls I posted a picture of a few days ago) usually took me longer than it took them to eat their whole meal!

Alright now, be cute one and all!

Trip to Lynchburg

I just got back to Richmond after 5 days in Lynchburg visiting my parents. Kay and Abby were there as well, which made the trip way fun. :) And, of course, all 3 of my grandparents and my aunt. And my cousin, but I didn't see him this trip. Just let me say for the record - obviously, I love hanging with that baby. But my sister rocks, too. I love hanging out with her - even when Abby's not there. Don't repeat that :)

Abby, by the way, is awesome. She talks ALL the time - mostly about how much she loves me! - and is always into something. She loves to watch Cars over and over and over again, and to read books. If she's not watching Cars, she mostly wants to be outside. I blew bubbles for her, and she would run through them and then stomp on them until there were none left. We went up on my dad's mountain, Thorn Acres, and had a picnic. We even took some goldfish up (we named them "Coy") and released them into a little pond that Dad and William made. Naturally I took the 4-wheeler out and it died at the bottom of the mountain so I had to hike back up...

"Coy"

I'm still frustrated with having to eat "mushy" foods. It's the same old thing - I'm not hungry, I just am tired of having to do special things. I just love the social aspect of eating together, and it's a pain not to be able to do that. I'm definitely experiencing "head hunger" where I want to eat things that I can't, even if it's not because I'm particularly hungry.

My dad bought me a new iPod over the weekend (I know, I'm completely spoiled - my old one got stolen out of my car in Lynchburg months ago), so I'm spending the afternoon reloading all of my music onto my iTunes, then onto the new iPod. I'm way excited, because I REALLY have missed mine!

soft foods

So I've been able to "eat" again for 2 days, and I'm already over it :) Ok, to be fair I haven't exactly branched out yet. I've basically had eggs and cheese. Don't get me wrong - I'm glad to have them. And I have a whole list of other things I need to try. It's just inconvenient. It's hard for me to be patient enough with this thing. Dr. E says that my pouch is still swollen and needs mushy foods only to help it heal. And I believe him, I just.....am anxious. To see results, and to be released from all of these food restrictions. (There are some lifetime food restrictions involved, obviously, that I came to terms with long ago. )

I think I'm tired tonight, and that's contributing to my frustration. I spent most of the day playing games with my friend Theresa and her awesome son Cameron, then went to the pool and played games with some other friends. So while it wasn't exactly a stressful day :), it was full.

I'm leaving for Lynchburg in the morning - my sister and my favorite kid in all the land are coming. I'm excited to get to see them for a few days. The favorite kid, by the way, turned 18 months old today!

Ok, I can't come up with anything worthwhile to say so I'll sign off for tonight. Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite!

First post-op doctor visit

So I just got back from my first post-op visit with Dr. E. I was so excited to go back and be freed to do new things that I was literally dancing in the shower at 11:00 last night. It went even better than I hoped! Since my surgery 2 weeks ago, I'm down 20 pounds (which is completely amazing to me), making my total loss 47 lbs. so far. He told me I could go ahead and start on mushy foods - next stop after typing is to scramble an egg! - and that I could do basically anything I want now. Go to the gym - including weights, which I definitely thought would be later, swim, travel. He said my incisions are looking good and since I'm not having any problems I can start trying new things. I'm sooooooooooo excited! Look out world, Sarah's back!

A new haircut

So I finally got my haircut today. I do this, oh about once a year. This year I did the same thing I did last summer - wandered into the Regis at the mall and said "Is there anyone available to cut my hair?" Now, I know this isn't the best plan. I need to be better at this. And things like getting my nails done. *sigh* Anyway, here's what it looks like:

As you can see, the little bit of natural wave in my hair makes it do funkdidliomark things - like flip out on one side and in on the other. Any ideas? I wonder what would happen if I put some of that curl activating stuff on it..

In other "news", while I was taking this picture, I got to play with the effects on Photo Booth.




I know. I'm too cool. Or not. I spent a lot of time running around doing errands today.

Tomorrow I go back for my first follow-up appointment with Dr. Elliot. I can't wait! I'm excited to get weighed, of course (I've purposely avoided doing it - I don't even have a scale at home) But I'm more excited for him to tell me that I can eat FOOD! I went out and bought eggs and canned chicken tonight in preparation for the "mushy food" stage that I'm hoping will begin tomorrow. I'm also hoping that he'll give my clearance to go to Lynchburg this weekend (shouldn't be a problem) and to start exercising and swimming again (not sure how this one will go). I'm just ready to move on to the next stage of this whole process...

It's weird, because I don't really feel hungry most of the time. But I feel good, like I SHOULD be able to eat anything I want, and I can't which is frustrating. So I will be sure and report back. Happy Monday everyone!

Shopping!

Today I went shopping! And not the dreaded clothes shopping - the fun kind. I got things for me to cook/eat with now that I'm a post-op. I hope that I will really use all of these things - I plan on it! - not only because I spent the money on them, but because it will mean I'm doing the things I'm supposed to. After talking to a lot of people, here are some of my purchases:

Well, actually this was the other day. I went to Target and got a crock pot (which I did not take a picture of b/c it's just a normal crock pot. They had one that had a small dish in it, but it was $45 and the normal one was $17. I went for the normal one. No brainer) and this little food processor, which holds about a cup and a half (more than I will probably ever be able to eat at one sitting):

(by the way, I put everything on one of my average-size dinner plates, just so you can compare)
I also bought this little food scale for me to weigh things like meats on to be sure I'm getting the right amount. The cool thing about this is that the top bucket comes off and the bottom part fits right in it for storage. There's even a lid, which I'm sure I will lose in approximately 3.67 days.

Continuing on in the area of "food prep", I bought little pots and pans! They're soooo cute - and they're blue! (They had other colors, but blue obviously rocked the most)

Moving on to the area of "food consumption", I bought a set of these little prep bowls that will be perfect for me - they hold about 2 oz., or half the size of one of my meals. Just right for me to put my veggies in!

And these are the plates I bought - they're just regular salad plates, so I didn't bother putting them on the big plate for comparison. You know how big salad plates are :) But they're pretty so I'm putting them up!

So all of that was great fun. I also have toddler silverware, that I did not take a picture of. Sorry. I think blogs with pictures are more interesting, so my goal is to put more pictures up on here. Even if they are just of household appliances. So my next job is to re-organize my kitchen (which is tiny) so that I can get to all of these little things, and the big things are put away for when I cook for company. Luckily, my mom worked on organizing my kitchen when she was here so I've got a head start. Go, Mom!

I went to church today and heard a great, great sermon from the book of James. James is a straight to the point kind of guy. It was about perseverance and how temptation does not come from God, but from our own sinful desires. I have a Bible with a lot of commentary, which I love, that I always find myself reading during the sermons. (Is that a good thing? Hmmmm) It says that James is not writing about how to become a Christian, as Paul often does, but how to live like one. He addresses works; not contradicting the doctrine of salvation by faith alone, but saying that faith leads to works. It made me think this is a book I need to read some more. The intro ended with this quote from Martin Luther:

"You are saved by faith alone, but if faith is alone, it is not faith."

Something to think about...

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Today was too boring to write about.

Irony

Isn't it ironic that yesterday's post included a verse about taking our thoughts captive so that they serve Christ...then today's post was just me ranting and raving angrily? *sigh*

Thank goodness for God's unlimited grace.....because I know I'm way over any quota.

So Mad!

**Warning** - Afraid this post is all about me venting about some things that have made me mad....fair warning that you may want to skip it :)

I have to say, I have not been a huge fan of Henrico County since I came to work here. I took a pay cut, they give me $0 for my classroom and spend all of their money on laptops and multiple technology positions. If only I ran the world.... Anyway. Today I got my new contract, since I finally got my M.Ed. added. I am making the absolute minimum possible! I know I should have paid more attention before this. Still. This is my EIGHTH year teaching, and my second in Henrico. No one has ever been willing to actually show me a pay scale. On the website, it says that salary range goes from this to this, but does not show a scale. When I got the job last year, I asked the HR woman that I talked to where I would fall on the pay scale, if my experience would transfer, and she blew me off saying "Oh, don't worry about it. A lot of things go into that. Here's what you'll make." I should have insisted, but I didn't. I confess - handling money is a huge weakness of mine. I've often said that I don't necessarily need a man who makes a lot of money, but I do need one who is willing to handle the money. So now here I am, working for them again, and still getting the bare minimum?!?! In Albemarle County, there is a published pay scale - a copy of which is included with our contract - that clearly relates your years of experience to your salary. My contract says that I'm on "pay grade 28, step 3", but I can't find anything - with my contract or on the website - to tell me what that means. I'll be calling the HR lady on Monday.

You want to know who else I'm still mad at? Bank of America. This story goes way back to when my parents were writing me a check for the surgery. I knew there were some holds on the money, so I went to BoA, showed the check to the teller and said "I'm about to go across the street and deposit this. Will it clear?" And she said yes. It didn't, and I racked up $115 in bounced check fees. I went back to sort it out, and was given the run around. Didn't even let me sit down and explain myself. Just stood in the middle of the bank explaining bank procedure to me over and over and over again. So I wrote them a letter, and got a call last week from a woman who promised to look into it and call me the beginning of this week. Guess what? NO CALL. Of course, with all of the surgery stuff I had forgotten it until now. When I'm in a ranting, raving, tirading mood. So I guess I have to call them on Monday, too.
I HATE having to be firm and mean with people. (Adults, I mean. Kids - no problem) I'm saving all of my credit card offers that come in the mail to look for a new credit card. I don't bank with BoA, but my credit card is through them and you can sure bet that I won't be staying with them!

Whew. That's a lot of steam blown off. But I'm still mad. And weepy. Being mad always makes me cry, which just makes me madder. I'll try to be rational and calm later. Right now, I'm going to stay mad about things which I can do absolutely nothing. Sounds smart, right?

Burn Notice!

Season 2 of Burn Notice finally premiered tonight. Yay! I'm telling you - if you don't watch USA shows (Monk, Psych, In Plain Sight (although I'm not totally sold on this one yet), as well as Burn Notice), you are missing out. Plus, they show Law & Order: CI, which is the best L&O, and House. Such a great channel. If you agree, please email my friend Julie. She has yet to be convinced :) I watch a lot of TV just because I'm here by myself a lot. I've considered getting rid of cable, but just don't think I could do it. I mean, what would I do during basketball season? It wouldn't take me long to get kicked out of all the sports bars around here if Carolina didn't do so well..... yeah, I know. Like that would happen. It was a joke. Anyway, when other people are around I can give or take TV. So sometimes I wonder if I have my own family if I'll still watch it. But it doesn't like keep me up nights or anything.

I'm still just sort of plugging along on this liquids thing, which is making me nutso! I went to the mall with my friend Katie and her son Zack today to get out, which was fun. We were gone for about an hour and I was totally wiped out when we were done. I came home and took an hour-long nap. It's frustrating not to be able to do as much as I did pre-surgery - I'm not exactly known for my patience :)

I had oatmeal again for dinner tonight. I only cooked half at a time, so it was still hot which made it better. But I "scarfed" the whole bowl in half an hour, which was apparently too much. I can really tell if I eat too fast - it hurts, and it seems like I can actually feel the food backing up into my throat (or esophagus or whatever is in there).

Here's my new favorite thing to do - read other people's blogs. I've found a lot through Facebook (totally addicted to Facebook, by the way). If you have a blog I don't know about, please tell me.

Finally, a verse for today that I desperately need to remember:

"...we take every thought captive so that it is obedient to Christ"
2 Corinthians 10:5

Thunderstorms and Dishwashers

Is there a more comforting or satisfying sound than a running dishwasher? Of course mine is so loud you can't hear anything else..... still :) It reminds me that I actually DID SOMETHING AROUND THE HOUSE. Not a strength of mine!

We've had periodic thunderstorms the last few days and I'm loving that as well. They're a double blessing these days b/c I enjoy watching them and when it's not bright and sunny I'm not as sad about the fact that I can't go hang out in the pool.

Plus - tonight I ate oatmeal!!!! It took me about 45 minutes to get the whole bowl down. (I'm using a toddler spoon, which I fill about 1/3 full for each bite) Which is fine except that the oatmeal was cold by the time I got to the end. Which is not quite as yummy as hot oatmeal.... Still, it felt like food and not a protein shake. Isn't it odd that oatmeal is considered a liquid?

When I see Abby next week (yay!) I'm definitely going to be her favorite - as if I wasn't already - because today I bought her....... a Cars t-shirt! It has Lightning McQueen PLUS you can press a button and he says something like "Speed? I am Speed" She's going to love it. Cars - movie, book, whatever - is her absolute favorite.

So, although I've been tired and anti-social today (which was ok, I kind of needed that), when I look back on it, it's been a good one.

Press On

I'm tired tonight.

I've been trying to find the balance between resuming a normal life - which is good for me! - and respecting the fact that I had major surgery less than a week ago. So, I think I did too much. And I ate lunch late which made dinner late ("lunch" and "dinner" being code names for "protein shakes") Being tired makes me easily frustrated - such as with the fact that it feels like a long time before I'm going to be able to eat again.

Game Club was tonight, which was fun of course, but it was late when I came home. On the way home, I heard a song on the radio. The chorus went something like this:

"In Jesus name, we press on
Dear God,
With our eyes on the prize
We find the strength
To press on"

And that's how I feel right now - like I'm just pressing on. But it was a reminder to me that I prayed long and hard before committing to this surgery and decided that it was the right thing for me. I feel confident that, for whatever reason, this is where God's plan for me leads. So that knowledge made it easier to press on. Not easy. Just easier.

I put on some of my favorite Christian music as well, which always makes me feel better. Music is always my favorite part of church, and I am so thankful for Christian artists. Tonight I went to two of my favorites - East to West by Casting Crowns and My Jesus by Todd Agnew. So tomorrow is a new day and I will try to keep the balance better.

Another thought - this morning I woke up to thunderstorms. My first thought was "Thunderstorms in the morning are unusual" Are they? Why? Hmmmm......

Mom's gone :(

Well, I really loved having my mom here to help me out post-op. She has been wonderful, doing everything for me - and I mean everything. Plus, I had a good time with her. But she went home today. She was supposed to start back to school today, so she had already missed one day of pre-school week. If I was feeling bad, she would have stayed another day, but....

I'm feeling great. I am really doing very well. There's a slight ache in my stomach most of the time - it gets worse when I walk briskly - but that's it. I haven't had any pain medicine in a few days, so I can drive. I even slept on my stomach the past two nights! I do get tired more easily when I go walking, so I'm trying to take it fairly easy while still walking regularly per my doc's instructions. He wants me to walk at least 4 times a day, 10 minutes at a time which is totally doable. Sometimes I do stuff around the house or go shopping to count for my walks, and sometimes I walk the path around my apt. complex.

So my goals now, in addition to the walking, the breathing into the incentive spirometer, taking my temperature twice a day and taking my medications, are to get in my fluids and my protein. I've been doing protein shakes (think Slim-Fast),which are going ok. I'm supposed to do 3 a day as my meals. Slim-Fast high protein is my favorite so far, and my nutritionist told us that we could add 1/4 c. of Eggbeaters to it to make it creamier. I tried this, and it was good - plus added 6 g. of protein, which I needed. Our shakes are supposed to be about 20 g. and that one is only 15. So I think I'm going to keep going the Eggbeaters route - extra protein, better texture, and tasteless - that's a win, win, win as far as I'm concerned!

I can also add unflavored protein powder to strained creamed soups or oatmeal, which are allowed on my full liquid diet. But, as one of my favorite bloggers, Eggface, points out - unflavored does not mean tasteless. It means not chocolate or vanilla. So it does add a little bit of a taste. Worse, it adds a bad aftertaste. And I put it in my Magic Bullet to mix it up so it wasn't lumpy, and it made it really frothy which was gross. So I attempted this last night with some broccoli cheese soup and I Magic Bulleted it for a long time and it was really frothy and really gross. So then I tried a protein shake sample that I had that was supposed to be "Roadside Lemonade". Again, I hit the bullet too long and it was way frothy which made it gross. I had a little breakdown about getting my protein in. I tried some protein water a friend had brought me but couldn't get much of that down either. So, on my first day of full liquids I got in about 2/3 of my protein. Today at lunch I tried again - this time with potato soup, and I only bulleted it for about 2 sec. Much less froth, and this time I got about half of it down. I couldn't finish it, so I had some milk later to get the protein count back up. (my doctor wants us to drink milk - some drs. don't) Mostly I'm thinking, though - for right now, I'm fine with the protein shakes so why push this? The shakes are what my dr. recommends, I'm fine with drinking them, and it's way easier so........ maybe I was just bored. :) If I get really tired of the liquid diet, I may just have some soups as part of my liquids, which is ok, but not try to use them to get the protein in.

I have to be sipping pretty much constantly to get my fluids in, which is tough. But I'm working on it. My initial goal is 48 oz. and I'm hitting that every day, but my ultimate goal is 64 oz. and I'm not there yet. I don't know when I'm supposed to hit that 64.

I do find that I miss food some - it's all in my head, I know. Like when my dad brought my grandmothers to visit yesterday and they all had pizza for lunch. And I couldn't even pinch off a piece of cheese! I miss the food and the social aspect of being able to go out to eat - I know this is silly b/c I've only been home from the hospital 3 days. Still, I've been mourning it a little bit. But, soon enough I'll be able to eat again. Knowing that this is a temporary thing, and that I WILL be able to eat again is getting me through it. Also, knowing that most WLS patients go through this "head hunger" makes me feel more normal. It's hard for me not to want to just hit the FF button and be 6 months down the road - having lost a good amount of weight, and comfortable enough with what I can and can't eat to be in a good routine. But it will get here, I know.

My good friends in Richmond are coming over tonight to play game with me. Bless them! I'm off to make another protein shake.....

P.S. - If you followed my posts about my parents' Africa trip and want to see some pictures, click here: Safari pictures or Mission trip pictures or, if you're short on time, Small sample of pictures

Home from surgery

Well, I'm 3 days out from my RNY surgery and I finally made it home yesterday. Wed., the day of surgery, I was up and around and moving and feeling great. Thursday, I started out feeling great as well. As part of my recovery, I was supposed to walk laps around the unit (15 laps = 1 mile). Someone a day or two before had set a record of 71 laps and I was determined to beat it. So I spent a lot of time walking and not enough time sipping my water. The liquids weren't going down as well as we hoped, but I honestly didn't pay enough attention. So when they asked me if I felt ready to move to full liquids - a Carnation Instant Breakfast - I said sure. That was when things went downhill - I got so sick after drinking about 2 oz. I was nauseous and in pain - it was awful. I finally got some pills and went to sleep, waking up around 4 a.m. in tears and in pain again. With another round of drugs, I went back to sleep.

So when Dr. Elliot came by around 8 a.m. on Friday morning, I was sipping on water again but hadn't gotten very much in. He said I couldn't go home until I could prove I could stay hydrated, so he said he would check back in at 12 to see if I had gotten my 8 oz. in. He also pushed me back to clear liquids until I could handle them. Well, mid-morning I got sick again and asked for more nausea medication, so they pushed back my possible discharge time to 4 p.m. I was trying to sip a little 1 oz. cup of water in something like 15-30 minutes, then walk. (Just one lap at a time, not the 15 at a time that I tried the day before) Eventually, it got to be working and about 3:30 they said I could go home! We went by Kroger on the way home to pick up my myriad of prescriptions and other medicines (Mom went in while I slept in the car in the parking lot).

So, I'm home - I have pain and and nausea medication to take as needed (today I've taken half a dose of pain and no nausea so far), antacids that I have to take twice a day to cut down on stomach acid, an incentive spirometer that I have to breathe in every two hours, Gas-X strips to help move all that gas they pumped me full of while performing surgery, and gallbladder pills (rapid weight loss often causes gall stones), vitamins and calcium supplements that I start taking after a week or two. I also have to walk at least 4 times a day for at least 10 minutes and take my temperature twice a day. My incisions are looking good - one is a little red, so if that continues I'll call my doctor. I'm not in a lot of pain today - Mom and I have taken a 15-minute walk once today, and gone shopping for a little while which I'm counting as my second walk. I'm staying on clear liquids only today, but they're going down pretty well, so I'm hoping to move to full liquids tomorrow.

So that's the long-winded update on me and how I'm doing post-op. I'm ready to be OVER the recovery process and get on with it already - but I know I need to take this slowly and do it right so that I don't end up back in the hospital. I think I'll take a nap now - after I breathe in my little machine......

P.S. - I did set the new lap record, by the way - 82 laps! :)

Surgery Eve

Well, tomorrow's the big day. It's hard to believe that my surgery day is finally here. I've been waiting and planning for so long that I'm not quite sure how I feel about it! I've been in sort of a denial/procrastination mode where I really haven't been getting the things done that I should have been. (i.e., sitting here typing instead of working on cleaning) I'm not sure it's quite real to me yet - although the fact that I can't eat anything today is driving the point home somewhat :)

So my surgery is tomorrow at 7:30 am at Henrico Doctor's Hospital (Parham). Which means I have to be there at 5:30. Wow, that's early - but it suits me. I might as well go ahead and get it over with. And do you think I'll really be able to sleep tonight anyway? My mom is coming up tonight and staying with me for a week. Bless her - tomorrow is her birthday! Barring any complications, I will be in the hospital until Friday morning.

I'm nervous, but not really having second thoughts. I've come too far for that. Honestly, I'm more worried about the next 6-8 weeks of recovery than I am about the long term. I won't be laid up that long, but that's how long it will take my "pouch" to heal so that I can eat real food again. I'll be on full liquids only for 2 weeks, then 4 weeks or so of soft and mushy foods. I know that eventually - after a year or so - I'll be able to eat pretty much anything, just very small amounts, so I'm not really worried about feeling deprived long term. To be successful, though, I'll have to be careful about what I eat. I feel prepared for that. Let's get on with it already!

So today I'm cleaning my house (so my mom doesn't see what a slob I am!) and running some last minute errands - getting my anti-nausea prescription filled for tomorrow, doing lots of laundry (I have to be very clean tomorrow - wash with antibacterial wash, sleep on clean sheets, etc), buying my vitamins, packing my bag, etc. A friend brought me over lots of protein for the shakes that I'll have to live on for the next two weeks (Thanks, Cherritta!) She had Dr. Elliot as well and has done wonderfully!!!!!!

I've gotten nothing but support from family, friends, support groups, etc. Everyone has been really wonderful and, if I could just get this apartment clean!, I'm ready to get this show on the road! I'll see ya again on the other side........