I try so hard to believe this....

The Gift of the Desert Road

"Life ain't always beautiful...

...but it's a beautiful ride." So says Gary Allen. And I happen to agree with him. Today, anyway :)

It's been a long time, but I went running today. (I did about 3.5 miles - an average run - and it nearly killed me. Here's some advice - if you exercise regularly, and you should ;), don't stop for a couple of weeks. It's amazing how quickly you lose everything you've gained) While I ran, I listened to my iPod - of course - and did some deep thinking about my life. Here are some of my thoughts:

- They say that God never gives us more than he can handle. Clearly God knows that battling depression and being fat and single are all that I can handle. (He's right, by the way - those things have broken me more than once) Because he has given me so many good things - an amazing family, a career that I enjoy, and more good friends than any one person deserves. Building 429 has a song where they say "I believe always, always our Savior never fails" that I was listening to while I ran. And I believe that, too. Here's the thing about me - I make a lot of bad choices. And I tell God about them. But so often I don't want to ask him to help me stop. I'm perfectly happy making bad choices. So I just tell him - "Hey, God. Here's what I'm doing. And I'm happy about it. So deal with it." It's probably not the best thing to do, but I figure at least I'm talking to him. Not keeping him out of my life. And I figure he is big enough to deal with it.

- I asked my doctor to put me back on Lexapro, an antidepressant. He gave me 4 weeks worth of samples, and I just started the 4th week. I think it's really helping. I think I need to go to counseling as well, and I'm working on getting there.

- Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my surgery. Hard to believe. I can't even begin to list the ways that my life is different than it was last year (although I probably will soon), or to adequately express my appreciation for the support from everyone in my life. I have never had one person say something negative or unsupportive to me. Not one. That is a truly amazing gift. I celebrated by doing something I couldn't have done a year ago - going to King's Dominion and riding roller coasters. I also went to support group, went over to the Masinick's for dinner and cards with the Palmers, then went to karaoke with the WEPC crew, followed by a late-night meal at Waffle House. Altogether a completely amazing day.

- As I told them at support group last night, it's been an up and down year for me with 9 months of hard work and 3 months of complete failure. I'm still working on not grazing and getting my eating back under control. Slowly, slowly, one day at a time....

My family took an awesome trip to Orlando last week to visit my brother and got to go to Sea World and Aquatica (Sea World's water park) while we were there. I love them! Here are some pictures:

The whole family!

We helped William move. Abby cleaned and Brian moved boxes...


Sea World!

Shamu

Abby LOVED the dolphins


Bruce thought it would be funny if I pretended to be too short to ride the roller coaster

The two cutest kids at Sea World eating lunch

Sisters posing with Shamu :)

Abby had fun at Aquatica, too!


Back at the hotel, Abby wanted to go swimming every day



The luckiest and happiest aunt and uncle in the world!

The Nash siblings!

Abby in Orlando

Sweet 3rd graders!

You remember the 3rd grader who told me not to try and say I was cool?

Today she said, "Can I borrow a picture of you for the summer?"

Totally redeemed herself ;)


P.S. - The kid from Thursday's post during testing? He took FIVE HOURS. :)

Right now.

Just in case you ever wondered what I was doing on June 4, 2009 at 11:12 a.m., here's the answer.

I'm bored.

Beyond bored.

So bored that I french braided my hair. (When was the last time I french braided my hair because I was bored? 8th grade?)

It's the 13th school day that I've spent helping with testing, and I am 2 1/2 hours in to what is on pace to be a 3 1/2 hour testing session. I just have to sit here - completely silently, without even any music - while this child finishes his test. The other 3 kids in my group finished about an hour and 45 minutes ago.

This poor child - I do feel for him. This is a lot of stress to put on a small child. But I might start nibbling on m fingers soon just for fun. I am working on progress reports for my kids, but a girl can only stare at the computer for so long. This is why I became a teacher and not some kind of office job!

3rd graders keeping it real

This morning I'm in the hallway, standing guard like I do, and this conversation happens:

Third grader: "Can I stand here with you?" (Kids always ask me this. They're just trying to get out of class)
Me: "Why? Because you think Ms. Nash is so cool?" (I said cool in a really awesome, cool way)
Third grader: Looks at me with a look of disbelief "Um, don't say that again."
Passing fourth grader: "Ms. Nash, If you're going to act like that, you really need to keep a low profile"

Guess I'm not as cool as I thought I was....

I can't believe it....

I had a stunning revelation tonight.

I like to exercise.

I do. I've missed running last week. I went to Body Pump and Zumba tonight. (I've posted about Zumba twice before - once pre-op and once post-op. I'm sure I've posted about Body Pump, too. But tonight it's about the Zumba) Zumba was so much fun! And I realized how much better I am at it now. I mean, I was jumping and bouncing while dancing. I distinctly remember doing it before and barely being able to make it through - seeing other people jumping and wondering why they weren't dead. Now I know. They're just not enormously fat like I was :)

It made me happy.

Read this.

It's good.

Conquering Old Rag

Some friends from church wanted to go hiking for Memorial Day, so I decided to go with them. I haven't hiked since I lost the weight (I had a disastrous fat hiking experience with my family several years back....), but I figured I could handle it. Then I found out they were hiking Old Rag. I looked it up and it was described as "strenuous" and "very challenging" including a "one mile rock scramble"

*gulp*

I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to keep up, but I was determined to try so I went on.

It. Was. Awesome.

So fun. The first two miles headed steeply up a narrow mountain path. Well before the first mile was over I looked like someone at poured a bucket of water in my head. (I sweat a disgustingly large amount. I need to look into that at some point) The side of my foot was hurting and I could feel blisters developing, but I was keeping up. (It was the same pain I got one other time. I've decided that I must walk differently in shorts and that's what causes it) At our first rest, I put some band aids on my heels and we started up again. The toe stopped hurting, but the blisters got worse throughout the trip. Oh, well.

After those two miles, the last mile up was basically rock climbing. Huge piles of boulders that we had to climb up, slide down, squeeze through, jump over, and basically meander our way through. It was tough but really fun. It helped being with a group because we could help each other through. We stopped frequently to admire the view. When we finally got to the top, it was amazing. We hung out for a while, ate some lunch, battled some flies, and headed back down. The way back down was longer - 4.5 miles - but not nearly as interesting. Most of it was a fire road, so it was an easy walk. We booked it back down, playing the name game to keep ourselves entertained.

All in all, we were hiking for about 5.5 hours. We were disgustingly dirty and sweaty and exhausted. I had a MAJOR blister on my right heel and fairly significant one on my left. We left and collapsed into an IHOP where we devoured dinner.

At one point on the way up, one of my friends asked, "Could you have done this a year ago?" and my answer was a quick "HELL no!" But it's not even no. It was so far out of the realm of possibility that it wouldn't even have been fathomable. I mean, this was a HARD hike. And not just the hike, but the rock climbing....there were places I had to squeeze through that I wouldn't have even fit last year.

So I'm flying high off of this and will be for a while. The fun you can have when you're not fat! Who knew?

Church today

One of the things I love about my church is that we sing a lot of praise and worship songs. (The singing is always my favorite part of any church service!) We have a "worship team" (read: band) that leads us and the words are projected up on two big screens at the front of the church. It's all very modern ;), but I love the music. Today, however, we sang two more traditional hymns. The first one's lyrics really spoke to me:

'Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
And to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
And in simple faith to plunge me
’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

Trusting in Jesus is something I need to do a LOT more of in my life.

The second one was "Crown Him With Many Crowns " which I remember singing in church growing up. The band didn't play much - there was just a piano. (Ok, it was a keyboard on the piano setting, but it sounded like a piano) I could have been in my grandparent's tiny little church in McDowell where there are usually between 10-30 people on Sunday morning or my parent's bigger, yet still very traditional church. I loved the song and singing it made me feel connected to other Christians everywhere. It reminded me that no matter how we choose to worship, we all love and are loved by the same God. I need to remember that more often.

Getting knocked down a peg....or two

So......
You know how I told you Dr. Elliot wanted me to come and speak at his seminar? And I made my little picture book and put my contact information and blog address in it in case people wanted to talk to me? Because, really. How could anyone even CONSIDER wls without hearing my story? Aren't people as eager to hear my story as I am to tell it?

I got a message Friday telling me that Dr. E. wanted me to come speak on Monday at 6. So I left a message at the office telling them that was fine and I would just go to the classroom at 6 on Monday. If they needed to talk to me about it, I left my cell #. I didn't hear from them, so I went on. Turns out the class was at 5 and they just wanted someone to speak at the end - which actually I appreciate because I didn't need to sit through that whole seminar. So I slipped in and listened to the end of Dr. Elliot's spiel. Then he said that he would answer a few questions and then have one of his "star patients" come up to answer questions (CLUE #1). So after a few minutes, he puts up a picture of some woman I don't know (CLUE #2) and asks "Sandra" to come up (CLUE #3). Still, I think he means me and I'm about to correct him and tell him my name is actually Sarah....when some other chick walks up there.

So yeah. They didn't want me after all. (Although I would like to point out that I've lost more weight than this chick. Not that it's a competition. Or that she had as much to lose as me.) This girl gave all the right answers to Dr. E's questions, whereas mine would not have been so "right". (For instance, he asked "Do you get hungry?" and she said, "No" Ummmm, really? You never get hungry? In over a year? Well, I do.) So it's probably best that she went and not me. I tend to say the wrong things. I'm not sure that Dr. Elliot even knew who I was or that I was there to tell you the truth.

That's what happens when you start thinking you're important. God shows you otherwise. I was pretty upset and embarrassed - more than the situation warranted. Because I was way too full of pride. Thanks, God. I guess.

P.S. - I ran 5.5 miles today. I haven't run that far in a long time and I am SORE!!!

Welcome to Fair Oaks!

I just had this conversation with a 5th grader.
A FIFTH GRADER.

C: "Where you was?"
Me: "Let's try that question again."
"Oh, sorry. Where you were?"
"No, honey. Try again."
"Oh. Where was you?"
"Still not it sweetie"
"Oh. Where you went?"
"Let's try Where were you?"
"Oh, ok. Where were you?"

I love my job....

My journey in pictures

Dr. Elliot, my surgeon, has informational seminars for patients who are thinking about having WLS. It's a fairly standard practice, and that's what anyone who is interested in having it has to do as a first step. We recently got an email from the guy who leads our support group saying that they were looking for post-op patients who would be willing to come and speak at the seminars just to share their story. I told them that I would be happy to (because you know how much I like to talk about my surgery!). I didn't think they would really ask me, though, because 1. I say everything I think and it's not always the "right thing" and 2. I had gastric bypass and most of Dr. E's patients have Lap-Band. Well, I got a call on Friday asking me to come speak at the seminar on Monday. I'm a little nervous about it. Anyway, that leads me to...

I've been taking pictures of my weight loss all along and saving them on the computer. I kept meaning to put them together in an album but hadn't gotten around to it. So this was my motivation to get it done. That was today's project, and it was fun. I put my pictures in an album with little notes saying the date and how much weight I'd loss. Now, for those of you who don't see me regularly, here is the digital version:

August 3, 2007
1 year pre-op

March 28, 2008
294 lbs.
My "before" picture

July 1, 2008
Day before surgery
-27 lbs.


August 12, 2008
-59 lbs.



Sept. 2, 2008
-71 lbs.


Oct. 9, 2008
-89 lbs.


Nov. 2008
Celebrating 100 lbs. lost!


Nov. 15, 2008
-104 lbs.

Dec. 27, 2008
-110 lbs.

Jan. 7, 2009
-121 lbs.

Jan. 31, 2009
Costume party!
(not something I would have done pre-op!)

March 5, 2009
-134 lbs.


March 28, 2009
My first race!
10k (6.2 miles) in 70 minutes



Current pic. - early May 2009
-140 lbs.

Thanks for indulging me!

Bad Orange Juice!

So orange juice is not something I'm really supposed to have - my dr. doesn't like me drinking anything with calories and it has a good amount of sugar, although it's natural sugars which are a little different.  But my nut has said that I can have a little every now and then - in fact it's one of the things she suggested I have after a run.  She did suggest that I dilute it and I do sometimes.

But this morning - I woke up (still in Charleston!) and I was thirsty and I just did NOT want Kool Aid.  So I had a little bit of OJ.  Oh. My.  Goodness.  I haven't "dumped" in a long time, but I sure did this morning. Let me tell you - it's no fun.  Sweating, chills....I've been trying to think of a way to describe how my stomach feels.  Angry beavers clawing and chewing at it? Elephants stomping on it? A bulldozer tearing it up and leveling it back down? *ugh*  I actually don't "dump" that much.  I think my stomach is just really sensitive first thing in the morning.  I need to remember that.

I broke in my new bathing suit by taking Abby to the beach this weekend.  Interestingly, I didn't feel any better or more confident than I did when I was fat.  I mean - it was fine.  Just not different.  I will not be showing you a picture of me in the suit ;) - but here is the suit:

(It has a blue skirt that matches it, but I couldn't get that picture to work.  Just picture a blue skirt)

Ok, off to play with sweet Abby!

Sweet baby Brian!

So Brian had his surgery yesterday - the day before he turned 8 months old, he had open heart surgery to repair a VSD, or hole in his heart. It's been a stressful week, with another stressful week of him in the hospital ahead of us, but God has been soooo good and he is doing really really well! For pictures and updates, you can check my sister's blog.

I'm headed down to Charleston tomorrow to spend next week there - being with Brian and staying with Abby. Although I'm not looking forward to seeing that precious child in the hospital, I am looking forward to the time with my family. And I'll be glad to be there - it made more sense for my mom to take this week and me to take next week to be down there, but it was very hard for me to not be there the day of the actual surgery. We expect him to come home mid-week next week and be back to normal as soon as he is released!

Today

What a loooooong day. This waiting for Brian's surgery is hard.

So my landlords royally ticked me off today. Royally. I was as rude to them as I have ever been (intentionally) to anyone. Anyway. It's been pouring down rain for ages and ages and ages. I was so frustrated that I went running. In the rain. For 4 miles. It helped somewhat.

Then I realized - wow. I didn't want to nap. I didn't want to eat. I wanted to run. When did that happen? When did I become one of "those" people? I never ever ever in a million years thought that I would. I love sleeping - and eating - too much. But it was the right thing for me today. Although I'm not sure that it would have been as satisfying if it had been sunny.

I also went bathing suit shopping today - *blech* That's never fun. Even after losing 140 pounds. It was actually harder, I think. Before there was no expectation of looking good. It was "find one that fits and covers a lot and just go with it" But now....there's still a lot to cover and I'm not "looking good". It's just hard. But I got one that I ordered from Land's End that I think I'll keep and I'll keep looking for a second one. I love love love to swim, so I'm not going to let the fact that I look ridiculous in a bathing suit stop me :)

I also bought a cute little summer halter dress - at Express, no less. We'll see if it makes it to the "keep" pile. I'm loving summer dresses right now!

National Champions!!!!!

I can't believe I haven't mentioned this yet -

UNC won the NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!

WOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!

There are no words to convey my excitement :) It was a great, great, great season. I'm going to miss Hansbrough, Lawson, Ellington, Green, et. al. but I know we'll continue to be great. I had so much fun watching them this year. I held off on ordering any new UNC gear until I could order National Championship stuff and it paid off! I have two shirts (size medium ;) ) that proudly declare UNC the 2009 National Champions!

I even got Abby in on the excitement...

GO HEELS!!!!!