So Mad!

**Warning** - Afraid this post is all about me venting about some things that have made me mad....fair warning that you may want to skip it :)

I have to say, I have not been a huge fan of Henrico County since I came to work here. I took a pay cut, they give me $0 for my classroom and spend all of their money on laptops and multiple technology positions. If only I ran the world.... Anyway. Today I got my new contract, since I finally got my M.Ed. added. I am making the absolute minimum possible! I know I should have paid more attention before this. Still. This is my EIGHTH year teaching, and my second in Henrico. No one has ever been willing to actually show me a pay scale. On the website, it says that salary range goes from this to this, but does not show a scale. When I got the job last year, I asked the HR woman that I talked to where I would fall on the pay scale, if my experience would transfer, and she blew me off saying "Oh, don't worry about it. A lot of things go into that. Here's what you'll make." I should have insisted, but I didn't. I confess - handling money is a huge weakness of mine. I've often said that I don't necessarily need a man who makes a lot of money, but I do need one who is willing to handle the money. So now here I am, working for them again, and still getting the bare minimum?!?! In Albemarle County, there is a published pay scale - a copy of which is included with our contract - that clearly relates your years of experience to your salary. My contract says that I'm on "pay grade 28, step 3", but I can't find anything - with my contract or on the website - to tell me what that means. I'll be calling the HR lady on Monday.

You want to know who else I'm still mad at? Bank of America. This story goes way back to when my parents were writing me a check for the surgery. I knew there were some holds on the money, so I went to BoA, showed the check to the teller and said "I'm about to go across the street and deposit this. Will it clear?" And she said yes. It didn't, and I racked up $115 in bounced check fees. I went back to sort it out, and was given the run around. Didn't even let me sit down and explain myself. Just stood in the middle of the bank explaining bank procedure to me over and over and over again. So I wrote them a letter, and got a call last week from a woman who promised to look into it and call me the beginning of this week. Guess what? NO CALL. Of course, with all of the surgery stuff I had forgotten it until now. When I'm in a ranting, raving, tirading mood. So I guess I have to call them on Monday, too.
I HATE having to be firm and mean with people. (Adults, I mean. Kids - no problem) I'm saving all of my credit card offers that come in the mail to look for a new credit card. I don't bank with BoA, but my credit card is through them and you can sure bet that I won't be staying with them!

Whew. That's a lot of steam blown off. But I'm still mad. And weepy. Being mad always makes me cry, which just makes me madder. I'll try to be rational and calm later. Right now, I'm going to stay mad about things which I can do absolutely nothing. Sounds smart, right?

Burn Notice!

Season 2 of Burn Notice finally premiered tonight. Yay! I'm telling you - if you don't watch USA shows (Monk, Psych, In Plain Sight (although I'm not totally sold on this one yet), as well as Burn Notice), you are missing out. Plus, they show Law & Order: CI, which is the best L&O, and House. Such a great channel. If you agree, please email my friend Julie. She has yet to be convinced :) I watch a lot of TV just because I'm here by myself a lot. I've considered getting rid of cable, but just don't think I could do it. I mean, what would I do during basketball season? It wouldn't take me long to get kicked out of all the sports bars around here if Carolina didn't do so well..... yeah, I know. Like that would happen. It was a joke. Anyway, when other people are around I can give or take TV. So sometimes I wonder if I have my own family if I'll still watch it. But it doesn't like keep me up nights or anything.

I'm still just sort of plugging along on this liquids thing, which is making me nutso! I went to the mall with my friend Katie and her son Zack today to get out, which was fun. We were gone for about an hour and I was totally wiped out when we were done. I came home and took an hour-long nap. It's frustrating not to be able to do as much as I did pre-surgery - I'm not exactly known for my patience :)

I had oatmeal again for dinner tonight. I only cooked half at a time, so it was still hot which made it better. But I "scarfed" the whole bowl in half an hour, which was apparently too much. I can really tell if I eat too fast - it hurts, and it seems like I can actually feel the food backing up into my throat (or esophagus or whatever is in there).

Here's my new favorite thing to do - read other people's blogs. I've found a lot through Facebook (totally addicted to Facebook, by the way). If you have a blog I don't know about, please tell me.

Finally, a verse for today that I desperately need to remember:

"...we take every thought captive so that it is obedient to Christ"
2 Corinthians 10:5

Thunderstorms and Dishwashers

Is there a more comforting or satisfying sound than a running dishwasher? Of course mine is so loud you can't hear anything else..... still :) It reminds me that I actually DID SOMETHING AROUND THE HOUSE. Not a strength of mine!

We've had periodic thunderstorms the last few days and I'm loving that as well. They're a double blessing these days b/c I enjoy watching them and when it's not bright and sunny I'm not as sad about the fact that I can't go hang out in the pool.

Plus - tonight I ate oatmeal!!!! It took me about 45 minutes to get the whole bowl down. (I'm using a toddler spoon, which I fill about 1/3 full for each bite) Which is fine except that the oatmeal was cold by the time I got to the end. Which is not quite as yummy as hot oatmeal.... Still, it felt like food and not a protein shake. Isn't it odd that oatmeal is considered a liquid?

When I see Abby next week (yay!) I'm definitely going to be her favorite - as if I wasn't already - because today I bought her....... a Cars t-shirt! It has Lightning McQueen PLUS you can press a button and he says something like "Speed? I am Speed" She's going to love it. Cars - movie, book, whatever - is her absolute favorite.

So, although I've been tired and anti-social today (which was ok, I kind of needed that), when I look back on it, it's been a good one.

Press On

I'm tired tonight.

I've been trying to find the balance between resuming a normal life - which is good for me! - and respecting the fact that I had major surgery less than a week ago. So, I think I did too much. And I ate lunch late which made dinner late ("lunch" and "dinner" being code names for "protein shakes") Being tired makes me easily frustrated - such as with the fact that it feels like a long time before I'm going to be able to eat again.

Game Club was tonight, which was fun of course, but it was late when I came home. On the way home, I heard a song on the radio. The chorus went something like this:

"In Jesus name, we press on
Dear God,
With our eyes on the prize
We find the strength
To press on"

And that's how I feel right now - like I'm just pressing on. But it was a reminder to me that I prayed long and hard before committing to this surgery and decided that it was the right thing for me. I feel confident that, for whatever reason, this is where God's plan for me leads. So that knowledge made it easier to press on. Not easy. Just easier.

I put on some of my favorite Christian music as well, which always makes me feel better. Music is always my favorite part of church, and I am so thankful for Christian artists. Tonight I went to two of my favorites - East to West by Casting Crowns and My Jesus by Todd Agnew. So tomorrow is a new day and I will try to keep the balance better.

Another thought - this morning I woke up to thunderstorms. My first thought was "Thunderstorms in the morning are unusual" Are they? Why? Hmmmm......

Mom's gone :(

Well, I really loved having my mom here to help me out post-op. She has been wonderful, doing everything for me - and I mean everything. Plus, I had a good time with her. But she went home today. She was supposed to start back to school today, so she had already missed one day of pre-school week. If I was feeling bad, she would have stayed another day, but....

I'm feeling great. I am really doing very well. There's a slight ache in my stomach most of the time - it gets worse when I walk briskly - but that's it. I haven't had any pain medicine in a few days, so I can drive. I even slept on my stomach the past two nights! I do get tired more easily when I go walking, so I'm trying to take it fairly easy while still walking regularly per my doc's instructions. He wants me to walk at least 4 times a day, 10 minutes at a time which is totally doable. Sometimes I do stuff around the house or go shopping to count for my walks, and sometimes I walk the path around my apt. complex.

So my goals now, in addition to the walking, the breathing into the incentive spirometer, taking my temperature twice a day and taking my medications, are to get in my fluids and my protein. I've been doing protein shakes (think Slim-Fast),which are going ok. I'm supposed to do 3 a day as my meals. Slim-Fast high protein is my favorite so far, and my nutritionist told us that we could add 1/4 c. of Eggbeaters to it to make it creamier. I tried this, and it was good - plus added 6 g. of protein, which I needed. Our shakes are supposed to be about 20 g. and that one is only 15. So I think I'm going to keep going the Eggbeaters route - extra protein, better texture, and tasteless - that's a win, win, win as far as I'm concerned!

I can also add unflavored protein powder to strained creamed soups or oatmeal, which are allowed on my full liquid diet. But, as one of my favorite bloggers, Eggface, points out - unflavored does not mean tasteless. It means not chocolate or vanilla. So it does add a little bit of a taste. Worse, it adds a bad aftertaste. And I put it in my Magic Bullet to mix it up so it wasn't lumpy, and it made it really frothy which was gross. So I attempted this last night with some broccoli cheese soup and I Magic Bulleted it for a long time and it was really frothy and really gross. So then I tried a protein shake sample that I had that was supposed to be "Roadside Lemonade". Again, I hit the bullet too long and it was way frothy which made it gross. I had a little breakdown about getting my protein in. I tried some protein water a friend had brought me but couldn't get much of that down either. So, on my first day of full liquids I got in about 2/3 of my protein. Today at lunch I tried again - this time with potato soup, and I only bulleted it for about 2 sec. Much less froth, and this time I got about half of it down. I couldn't finish it, so I had some milk later to get the protein count back up. (my doctor wants us to drink milk - some drs. don't) Mostly I'm thinking, though - for right now, I'm fine with the protein shakes so why push this? The shakes are what my dr. recommends, I'm fine with drinking them, and it's way easier so........ maybe I was just bored. :) If I get really tired of the liquid diet, I may just have some soups as part of my liquids, which is ok, but not try to use them to get the protein in.

I have to be sipping pretty much constantly to get my fluids in, which is tough. But I'm working on it. My initial goal is 48 oz. and I'm hitting that every day, but my ultimate goal is 64 oz. and I'm not there yet. I don't know when I'm supposed to hit that 64.

I do find that I miss food some - it's all in my head, I know. Like when my dad brought my grandmothers to visit yesterday and they all had pizza for lunch. And I couldn't even pinch off a piece of cheese! I miss the food and the social aspect of being able to go out to eat - I know this is silly b/c I've only been home from the hospital 3 days. Still, I've been mourning it a little bit. But, soon enough I'll be able to eat again. Knowing that this is a temporary thing, and that I WILL be able to eat again is getting me through it. Also, knowing that most WLS patients go through this "head hunger" makes me feel more normal. It's hard for me not to want to just hit the FF button and be 6 months down the road - having lost a good amount of weight, and comfortable enough with what I can and can't eat to be in a good routine. But it will get here, I know.

My good friends in Richmond are coming over tonight to play game with me. Bless them! I'm off to make another protein shake.....

P.S. - If you followed my posts about my parents' Africa trip and want to see some pictures, click here: Safari pictures or Mission trip pictures or, if you're short on time, Small sample of pictures

Home from surgery

Well, I'm 3 days out from my RNY surgery and I finally made it home yesterday. Wed., the day of surgery, I was up and around and moving and feeling great. Thursday, I started out feeling great as well. As part of my recovery, I was supposed to walk laps around the unit (15 laps = 1 mile). Someone a day or two before had set a record of 71 laps and I was determined to beat it. So I spent a lot of time walking and not enough time sipping my water. The liquids weren't going down as well as we hoped, but I honestly didn't pay enough attention. So when they asked me if I felt ready to move to full liquids - a Carnation Instant Breakfast - I said sure. That was when things went downhill - I got so sick after drinking about 2 oz. I was nauseous and in pain - it was awful. I finally got some pills and went to sleep, waking up around 4 a.m. in tears and in pain again. With another round of drugs, I went back to sleep.

So when Dr. Elliot came by around 8 a.m. on Friday morning, I was sipping on water again but hadn't gotten very much in. He said I couldn't go home until I could prove I could stay hydrated, so he said he would check back in at 12 to see if I had gotten my 8 oz. in. He also pushed me back to clear liquids until I could handle them. Well, mid-morning I got sick again and asked for more nausea medication, so they pushed back my possible discharge time to 4 p.m. I was trying to sip a little 1 oz. cup of water in something like 15-30 minutes, then walk. (Just one lap at a time, not the 15 at a time that I tried the day before) Eventually, it got to be working and about 3:30 they said I could go home! We went by Kroger on the way home to pick up my myriad of prescriptions and other medicines (Mom went in while I slept in the car in the parking lot).

So, I'm home - I have pain and and nausea medication to take as needed (today I've taken half a dose of pain and no nausea so far), antacids that I have to take twice a day to cut down on stomach acid, an incentive spirometer that I have to breathe in every two hours, Gas-X strips to help move all that gas they pumped me full of while performing surgery, and gallbladder pills (rapid weight loss often causes gall stones), vitamins and calcium supplements that I start taking after a week or two. I also have to walk at least 4 times a day for at least 10 minutes and take my temperature twice a day. My incisions are looking good - one is a little red, so if that continues I'll call my doctor. I'm not in a lot of pain today - Mom and I have taken a 15-minute walk once today, and gone shopping for a little while which I'm counting as my second walk. I'm staying on clear liquids only today, but they're going down pretty well, so I'm hoping to move to full liquids tomorrow.

So that's the long-winded update on me and how I'm doing post-op. I'm ready to be OVER the recovery process and get on with it already - but I know I need to take this slowly and do it right so that I don't end up back in the hospital. I think I'll take a nap now - after I breathe in my little machine......

P.S. - I did set the new lap record, by the way - 82 laps! :)

Surgery Eve

Well, tomorrow's the big day. It's hard to believe that my surgery day is finally here. I've been waiting and planning for so long that I'm not quite sure how I feel about it! I've been in sort of a denial/procrastination mode where I really haven't been getting the things done that I should have been. (i.e., sitting here typing instead of working on cleaning) I'm not sure it's quite real to me yet - although the fact that I can't eat anything today is driving the point home somewhat :)

So my surgery is tomorrow at 7:30 am at Henrico Doctor's Hospital (Parham). Which means I have to be there at 5:30. Wow, that's early - but it suits me. I might as well go ahead and get it over with. And do you think I'll really be able to sleep tonight anyway? My mom is coming up tonight and staying with me for a week. Bless her - tomorrow is her birthday! Barring any complications, I will be in the hospital until Friday morning.

I'm nervous, but not really having second thoughts. I've come too far for that. Honestly, I'm more worried about the next 6-8 weeks of recovery than I am about the long term. I won't be laid up that long, but that's how long it will take my "pouch" to heal so that I can eat real food again. I'll be on full liquids only for 2 weeks, then 4 weeks or so of soft and mushy foods. I know that eventually - after a year or so - I'll be able to eat pretty much anything, just very small amounts, so I'm not really worried about feeling deprived long term. To be successful, though, I'll have to be careful about what I eat. I feel prepared for that. Let's get on with it already!

So today I'm cleaning my house (so my mom doesn't see what a slob I am!) and running some last minute errands - getting my anti-nausea prescription filled for tomorrow, doing lots of laundry (I have to be very clean tomorrow - wash with antibacterial wash, sleep on clean sheets, etc), buying my vitamins, packing my bag, etc. A friend brought me over lots of protein for the shakes that I'll have to live on for the next two weeks (Thanks, Cherritta!) She had Dr. Elliot as well and has done wonderfully!!!!!!

I've gotten nothing but support from family, friends, support groups, etc. Everyone has been really wonderful and, if I could just get this apartment clean!, I'm ready to get this show on the road! I'll see ya again on the other side........