One of my mom's favorite sayings is "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". In that vein, maybe I shouldn't even be posting tonight. But I am - because the point of this blog is to be like a diary for me to document my journey.
I'm having a really hard time getting my head around this whole new-way-of-eating thing. Which is frustrating to me b/c I spent a lot of time getting ready for it and knew what I was getting into. Fully. But I get so irritated that I have to think so much about what I have to eat, and I never feel like eating when I should, or then I get really hungry but I don't feel like fixing anything so I just mope around and get grumpier. Then I get frustrated and start chastising myself, which makes me defensive (with myself, naturally, because this is a normal thing) and even more irritable and want to do/eat something I'm not supposed to just to prove that "I can". To myself. (picture Napoleon Dynamite saying "idiot!" here)
To add to that, we had our first Title 1 staff meeting today. The nice thing was that it wasn't until 9, so I got to sleep in. But it was very overwhelming and stressful for me. I feel like every time I start to figure out something I should be doing with this job, I find out I'm doing it wrong and have to start over. I love the job, but I'll like it much better if I ever get it all figured out.
To top it off, I'm just not feeling good. Not sick - nothing that I should actually complain about. Just tired, with frequent feelings of nausea and light-headedness. Plus the whole grumpier-than-Oscar-the-Grouch thing. Maybe I'm PMSing. That would actually be great, because then I would have a reason and know it will be over soon.
To be fair, I had a lot of these same feelings about eating before surgery. But then I would just order a pizza or go to McDonalds to resolve it, and those are not viable options now. Which is good, because that's why I ended up in this position in the first place. But I need to find another way to resolve it. And it has to be one that makes me happy when I'm this irritable, and that's no easy task. As anyone who knows me well knows, once I get into a grumpy-funk pretty much everything just makes it worse. A lot of times, honestly, I just have to take a nap and sleep it off.
Ok, I'm signing off now. Heading to bed so that I can get up tomorrow and try and handle another situation I have no earthly idea how to do - Title 1 parent orientation. Pray for me. Lots. Please.
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3 comments:
Speedy - I am thinking of you and hoping that your parent orientation went well! As for your meals, I have no idea what to tell you, because the same thing happens to me when I am hungry, I never want to cook or eat anything I have in the house. One thing that helps a little is to make enough meals of stuff I like to eat and freeze that, so at least I have something around if I don't want to cook and I can just heat it up. Would that work? I would write more, but I need a nap. :) Both kids are sleeping (RARE!) and I have to join them. Love you!!
I agree with Amy...cooking up a batch of your favorite soup and freezing it in serving size containers...it's like fast food, but it's healthy and costs much less.
Have you been outside much? If you are stuck inside at school, gym and at home, get some sunlight or daylight--even if it's cloudy. Scheduling might be tough if you are going from school to gym to home to look in the refrigerator....can you grab 10-15 minutes during the day to go walk around your school building? I"m sure there's someone there in school office who'd like to join you at lunch time for a quick walk. Maybe get a hammock that you can chill on/dream on at home when you are feeling irritable and grumpy.
You are doing great...we don't all have 100% good days, weeks or months. Hang in there. God's got ya!
Love ya, friend!
Tiredness could mean a b-12 or iron issue. If you continue to feel like you are dragging, get your bloodwork done.
dawn
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